Tract Dissections
 


Copyright Notice: All tracts belong to the original copyright holders. Boolean Union Studios is not affiliated with or endorsed by Jack Chick Publications, Revival Fires Ministries, or any other copyright holders. All commentary is for the purposes of parody, which we believe falls under "Fair Use" guidelines.


 

o Chick Tracts

Jack Chick publishes the gold standard of wacky religious tracts. Full of bigotry, ignorance, intolerance, and conspiracy theories, Chick tracts often read like a parody of religious literature, and have been attracting mockery for decades.



But Everyone Does It (#42) But Everyone Does It - February 20, 2024
Comments Comments
Dot Dot, Mingnon Mingnon, Matt Matt, David David
"You know what else it could have hurt? Your freaking dog who you just let stampede through the whole yard."

Why is Mary Crying? (#41) Why is Mary Crying? - December 17, 2023
Comments Comments
Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux, John John
"It’s a well-known fact that, when interpreting the Bible, actually reading the Bible would only get in the way."

The Missing Day (#40) The Missing Day - November 18, 2023
Comments Comments
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Dot Dot
"You just know a story is going to have some Bad Stuff going down when it begins 'It all started in England…'"

Boo! (#39) Boo! - October 22, 2023
Comments Comments
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Mingnon Mingnon, David David
"When Christ is the Good Shepherd, is it any surprise that he attracts sheeple?'"

The Last Generation (1972) (#38) The Last Generation (Revisited) - August 23, 2023
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux
"Alas poor Bobby! I knew him, Chick: a caricature of little substance, of significant annoyance: he hath made creepy faces hundreds of times and now, how absent in my memory he is!'"

Kidnapped! (#37) Kidnapped! - July 31, 2023
David David, Matt Matt, Mingnon Mingnon, Rotpar Rotpar
"Well it wouldn't be unusual in these tracts for divine intervention to happen, but this could also be attributed to heat stroke."

Caught! (#36) Caught! - June 7, 2023
Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux, Matt Matt
"Everybody's doing it! Come on, Mom, let me have an affair!"

Macho! (#35) Macho! - May 31, 2023
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux
"Oh, yes. An absolute, uncontested, world-wide theocracy led by an actual, literal blood god sounds like an absolute hoot…"

Trust The Sceince (#34) Trust The Science - April 26, 2023
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux
"It would be kind of hard to overlook a full-on zombie invasion, don't you think? If something like that actually went down, you'd assume somebody would have jotted down a quick footnote about it."

The Crisis (#33) The Crisis - March 10, 2023
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux
"No wonder medico-legal premiums are so high. Damned if you do, Damned if you don't."

Wounded Children (#32) Wounded Children - December 26, 2017
Jessica Jessica, Cate Cate
"If demons are implanting thoughts in your mind, that seems less 'subliminal' and more 'call an exorcist.' Or, in the real world, a shrink."

Gladys (#31) Gladys - December 26, 2017
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Actually, his real last words were; 'When I said I wanted to get nailed, this isn't what I meant'."

The Nervous Witch (#30) The Nervous Witch - March 1, 2016
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"He came to the woman by night... Bow chicka bow wow..."

Killer Storm (#29) Killer Storm - January 5, 2016
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"...to which Noah immediately said 'Are you high? there isn't nearly enough space for all these animals, let alone the food needed to feed them!'"

That Crazy Guy! (#28) That Crazy Guy! - November 7, 2014
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Whether you're doing it in a Datson or in the dirt, this guy is a dick."

Fatal Decision (#27) Fatal Decision - September 4, 2014
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Senator Jason Senator Jason
"I swear to God if I ever found myself in the JK Rowling wizarding world the first thing I would do is run to the courthouse and change my name to something like Girth Trustfund."

It's Not Your Fault (#26) It's Not Your Fault - November 21, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Jack hates to speak of the kinds of things they did to her body, but judging from how often it comes up as a plot point in his work, I doubt he's very opposed to thinking about them."

Satan Comes to Salem (#25) Satan Comes to Salem - October 31, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Only the middle girl looks remotely like her age. The one on the left looks to be on the bad side of 30, and I'm pretty sure the one on the right is a 45 year old man."

Reverend Wonderful (#24) Reverend Wonderful - August 1, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Here we have a random footnote taking a stab at Catholic titles. It's like every pencil stroke Chick lays to paper is just dripping with the sentiment 'GOD-D&$N WHORE WORSHIPPING MACKEREL SNAPPERS!!!!'"

Mean Momma (#23) Mean Momma - March 7, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Eric Eric
"'He wants to save you, and only you, your kids can go to hell. Literally.'"

Is Allah Like You? (#22) Is Allah Like You? - January 23, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Eric Eric
"You know that old trick question 'Have you stopped beating your wife yet?' Totally, doesn't work on this guy. He just does not give a crap."

Global Warming (#21) Global Warming - May 4, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Tim Tim
"Before Jesus, mankind was damned because of Adam. Why not spare all those souls and just neuter Adam, or just erase him and start all over again?"

Satan's Master (#20) Satan's Master - April 19, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Tim Tim
"The second panel looks like a scene from Pimps Up, Ho's Down. And the strange comment about 'sweet daddy' doesn't help this image."

No Fear? (#19) No Fear? - February 1, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Tim Tim
"Lance is so psyched! He's like 'I am F&#KING doing this!' Do the Dew, Lance!!!!"

Here Comes the Judge (#18) Here Comes the Judge! - January 23, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Tim Tim
"He's a captive audience for a smug, self righteous, preaching Christian? Is he in hell already?"

Angels? (#17) Angels? - December 25, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"Mötley Crüe was founded in 1981, dips#!t, and didn't become really popular for another few years."

The Walking Dead? (#16) The Walking Dead? - October 1, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew, Kelly Kelly, Tandra Tandra
"All you've got to do is kneel before him and do what he wants you to... That's all. Because you've been a bad boy!"

The Curse of Baphomet (#15) The Curse of Baphomet - September 10, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"We're not talking a Road to Damascus experience here, just a 'by the by, our Church actually worships demons. Hope that wasn't too much of a shock for you, old boy.'"

This Was Your Life & You Have a Date! (#14) This Was Your Life! & You Have a Date!
September 10, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"Sitting around, having to watch a blow-by-blow recount of everyone's life (or even just your own) sounds like the most sadistic vision of Hell that one could ever hope to muster."

The Last Generation (#13) The Last Generation - May 18, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'It's with great pleasure I introduce a genuine, bonafide Ku Klux Pimp!'"

Evil Eyes (#12) Evil Eyes - April 15, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"I like how Chick specifies they are 'African' spirits. Like, they were born there? I thought, in Chickland, that everyone who didn't worship Jesus just flat-out worshipped the devil."

Fame (#11) Fame - March 31, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"You're eternal fate can wait until that toilet is cleaned. You've got to have priorities."

Back From the Dead? (#10) Back From the Dead? - March 20, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'You didn't reach his relatives? Good, now we can do whatever we want with him.' He's lucky he wasn't an organ donor."

Hi There! (#9) Hi There! - March 11, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"You see, before getting to old Charlie Conners here he has to visit and rob the hope from Charlie Daniels, Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Chan, Charlie Dog and whoever used to own the Charlie Skeleton."

The Visitors (#8) The Visitors - March 9, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"And here we get into the hypocrisy. 'Don't these things that Mormons believe sound crazy? Of course they do- unlike mainstream Christian doctrine, which is as rational as mathematics. Come join a Protestant splinter-sect: we're the crazies you can trust!'"

Soul Story (#7) Soul Story - March 1, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'Are you religious?' 'No I'm a Christian! Christianity isn't a religion, it's a cult.... ooops. Let's start that over again.'"

The Poor Little Witch (#6) The Poor Little Witch - March 1, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"Mrs. Grayson is so jaded that she doesn't even react to 'they killed a baby.' 'Yes, sweety, that's nice.'"

Crazy Wolf (#5) Crazy Wolf - January 14, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'His skin was brown!' except, of course, in Chick Tracts, where Jesus is as white as snow."

Doom Town (#4) Doom Town - January 13, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"You can recreate all the icky aspects of the Bible in the comfort of your living room! Make poor addle-brained Lot drunkenly father children with both of his daughters! Then with Barbie!"

Uninvited (#3) Uninvited - January 5, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"It took me a while to figure out what the heck the title was referring to, actually. The patients? The nurse? The AIDS virus? It seems to refer to the demons... I can't believe I just typed that."

Lisa (#2) Lisa - October 28, 2009
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'As long as you accept Jesus, all that early stuff is expunged from your record, just like all those murders I committed when I was 16.'"

It's a Deal (#1) It's a Deal - October 27, 2009
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"If a pimp sitting next to you in the park freely admits he 'buys souls' you need to friggin' run! It doesn't take a upperclass seminary student to know that all is not well in the state of Denmark."

 

o Chick Comic Books

In addition to his well-known tract series, Jack Chick has published several series of large-format comic books, including the Crusaders series and the Alberto series. Their larger size means that each one carries a larger dose of Chick's patented insanity. The Crusaders series features a sort of spiritual A-Team who travel around spreading the gospel. The Alberto series is a dramatization of the life of Alberto Rivera, who claimed to be a Catholic priest and told horror stories about a Jesuit conspiracy to rule the world.


Boudreaux
Sabotage? (#7) Sabotage? - January 12, 2018
Jessica Jessica, Cate Cate

The Crusader Comics (Volume #11)

"*To hassle or make them miserable. Now if there is one word I am positive Chick's audience is familiar with, it's persecution."


Primal Man? (#6) Primal Man? - December 17, 2015
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Aron Ra Aron Ra
The Crusader Comics (Volume #6)

"It doesn't matter that we don't have any food. We haven't invented gods yet, so we can say we don't have any morals either.  Let's just eat the kids."

Alberto (#5) Alberto - July 7, 2015
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
The Crusader Comics (Volume #12)
Alberto Comics (Volume #1)

"Jack Chick only trucks with the highest profile nut bags."

Exorcists (#4) Exorcists - January 16, 2015
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
The Crusader Comics (Volume #4)

"Really doc? You have no idea how to deal with a patient pretending to be a dog? Good place to start would be to dope that kid up so much he could be used as a paperweight."

The Broken Cross (#3) The Broken Cross - March 3, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew, Kelly Kelly, Sean Sean, Kristin Kristin
The Crusader Comics (Volume #2)

"Apparently faces, backgrounds, and scale is too much for the artist, but the rippling muscles of a tall handsome black man are doable. .....No Homo. -- Oh, there's Homo, all right. There's Homo all up in this piece."

Spellbound? (#2) Spellbound? - May 4, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
The Crusader Comics (Volume #10)

"'Father! Don't let them take me!!!' 'Sorry, b!&ch. We have to pay our dues. You knew what this was. Now go with the nice men.'"

The Marriage Mess (#1) The Marriage Mess - June 22, 2009
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"In the real world, Brad would have told him to f$%# himself. Gloria would have kicked him in the balls."

 

o The Truth For Youth

The Truth For Youth by Tim Todd at Revival Fires Ministries is a series of comics specifically aimed at teenagers, featuring manga-style art and plotlines that address the real lives of modern teens. Riiight.

While it sure looks a lot better than Jack Chick's work and doesn't feature the same obvious paranoia, xenophobia, racism, or anti-Catholicism as Chick's writing, at its core, this stuff is the same. The brew of fear mongering, spurious science, and general misinformation will still make your head spin.


The Narrow Way (#12) Truth For Youth: Pluralism - January 29, 2018
Jessica Jessica, Cate Cate
"It's not hate!  It's just a massive superiority complex and total indifference to a grieving family!"

Father Figure (#11) Truth For Youth: Homosexuality - December 20. 2017
Jessica Jessica, Cate Cate
"Hmmm, what should I get my barely-closeted husband for Christmas? I know! A Bible with all the anti-gay bits highlighted! That'll save my marriage!"

Dr. Death (#10) Truth For Youth: Abortion - December 26, 2013
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Kristin Kristin
"Go ahead, Weston. Say it. SAY IT! You were going to say the N-Word weren't you?"

Hairy Polarity & the Sinister Sorcery Satire (#9) Hairy Polarity & the Sinister Sorcery Satire - December 14, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Urvy Urvy
"Apparently that thing is a 'Trollgre' ...which I guess is what you get when a troll screws an ogre. Try getting that image out of your head."

Case Dismissed (#8) Truth For Youth: Tim Todd - April 18, 2012
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Tim Tim
"Sure she tried to kill me, but I'm sure she's very sorry about it and just has $10,000 burning a hole in her pocket. Nope! Nothing sinister about this at all!"

Wasted Words (#7) Truth For Youth: Secular Rock Music - January 8, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
" I like how in all of these 'church' shots, the cross seems to be just barely restrained from lunging off the wall at some unsuspecting kid. I'm sure 'killed by falling cross' wouldn't look too good on the police report."

Someone's Making a Monkey Out of You! (#6) Truth For Youth: Evolution - December 23, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"These kids are babbling on like they know what they are talking about, but each one is just parroting talking points they picked up somewhere. Rashad in church, Vince in some science class."

Born That Way (#5) Truth For Youth: Homosexuality - December 16, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"I didn't catch the part about his 'friend' Richard the first time through here. If he has one of those, then I don't think there's a lot of confusion as to whether he's gay or not."

Bibles Not Bullets (#4) Truth For Youth: School Violence - December 15, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"But... BUT... I thought bringing bibles to school was illegal!!! Which is more important? Your personal rights or feeding your persecution complex?"

Parental Controls (#3) Truth For Youth: Pornography - April 16, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"Seriously, for most kids in High school, getting invited to Marty's house would be an honor and a privilege. His dad doesn't give a s#!t and you just KNOW he's got booze in the house. Sounds like party central to me."

Passes and Plays (#2) Truth For Youth: Safe Sex - April 10, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"This chick is just completely sausage-crazy. One gets the feeling she's destined for a career in stripping or hooking, followed by a long retirement servicing out-of-town businessmen in dark alleys behind the local HoJo's."

The Castaways (#1) Truth For Youth: Abortion - April 10, 2010
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"Because naturally all women are inherently stupid. Good thing this bible brings people comfort. You're stuck on an island, your father is dying and now God is calling you an idiot. Man, you suck."

 

o Spire Christian Comics

What would happen if you took Archie (as in "with Jughead"), sent him to Seminary and then had him lecture all of his friends on catechism like an irritating little snot. You'd get the Spire Christian Comics, of course. Along with a Hollywood Squares like line-up of celebrity guests including Johnny Cash, Tom Landry, Hal Lindsey and others it's all the joys of watching Hee Haw if it swallowed a wagon full of Bibles and couldn't stop puking them all over the floor of the barn dance!


Hansi, The Girl Who Loved the Swastika (#2) Hansi, The Girl Who Loved the Swastika - January 13, 2024
Maria Anne Hirschmann
Comments Comments
Jessica Jessica, Boudreaux Boudreaux, Mingnon Mingnon, John John
"One might think the Thompson submachine gun... he is holding would be rather more remarkable to her, having just escaped being ‘Poka Poka Poka-ed’ to death."

BoudreauxThere's a New World Coming (#1) There's a New World Coming - July 31, 2015
Hal Lindsey
Comments Comments
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
"Okay... Babylon's pretty d@%n hot. Not gonna lie. She can ride my seven headed beast anytime."

 

o Miscellaneous Other

Jack Chick and Revival Fires aren't the only outfits that publish religious comics. A quick trip through any Christian store will turn up numerous tracts by other authors and publishers. Most of these aren't as over-the-top and insane as Jack Chick, and therefore less interesting- but some are amusing in their own special ways.


Archangel (#6) Archangel - September 17, 2023
Jessica Jessica, Anna Anna, Boudreaux Boudreaux, Mingnon Mingnon
"Why, wild horses couldn't drag me away from this neotenous, All You Can Eat buffet by my dick!"

Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle (#5) Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle - December 1, 2017
Jessica Jessica, John John
Part 3

"Warning: Any orifices left unprotected may be subject to a surprisingly pleasant time. Please keep the following items on your person at all times: bible (KJV), rosary (do NOT stop turning), K-Y jelly, protective butt-plug."

Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate DeathstyleBoudreaux (#4) Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle - February 8, 2016
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean, Steve Shives Steve Shives
Part 2

"Just in case Chester hasn't made it clear enough to this point: he doesn't give a s#!t about people who die of AIDS. He's only concerned with protecting himself from what he perceives to be a threat. As long as he's safe, everyone else can die for all he cares. Swell guy, that Chester."

Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle (#3) Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle - April 9, 2014
Jessica Jessica, Sean Sean
Part 1

"And here the whole thing is laid bare. He just comes right out and says it. There are 'sodomites' and there are 'normal people.' It's still kind of shocking to see someone that just doesn't try to hide one iota of their bigotry."

BoudreauxHelp! Save Me! (#2) Help! Save Me! - January 8, 2011
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"This drowning guy is supposed to be a strawman atheist, just like the ones that show up in every other tract we've reviewed. But this one is even worse. This is a METAPHORICAL strawman atheist. He's being smug about something completely unrelated to anything of consequence."

BoudreauxBeing Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic (#1) Being Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic - December 11, 2009
Comments Comments
Jessica Jessica, Andrew Andrew
"'Take the d@#n chocolates, kid! TAKE THE GODD@#N CHOCOLATES!!! Put 'em in YOUR MOUTH!!! Don't chew, just SWALLOW!!!'"

o Latest Updates

But Everyone Does It

But Everyone Does It - Chick Tract #283
February 20, 2024

Mr. Henderson sets up a veritable death trap in his yard in a vain effort to murder anyone who ventures in... and he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

Read Dissection »

Hansi, The Girl Who Loved the Swastika

Hansi, The Girl Who Loved the Swastika - Spire Comic #03
January 13, 2024

The (pretty exaggerated) tale of Maria Hirschman's journey from devout Hitler Youth in World War 2 Germany, to devout Christian Youth in the hip America of the 1960's and 70's.

Read Dissection »

Why is Mary Crying?

Why is Mary Crying? - Chick Tract #082
December 17, 2023

An overly detailed breakdown about how Catholicism's over reliance on the "worship" of Mary is all a Satanic plot and breaks the Madonna's heart.

Read Dissection »

The Missing Day

The Missing Day - Chick Tract #188
November 18, 2023

An evangelical, busybody relative comes to Thanksgiving dinner and proceeds to tell all in attendance how they are misguided, selfish ingrates. Only one young boy pays him any heed.

Read Dissection »

Boo!

Boo! - Chick Tract #106
October 22, 2023

In a half-hearted "homage" to already outdated horror movies from the 1980's, Joey gives the Father of Lies a vicious tongue-lashing and then learns that Halloween is not, in fact, the Devil's birthday.

Read Dissection »