Satan's Master


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Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

Satan's Master(SATM)
Satan's Master. Tract #075. Art by Fred Carter - © 1986 Chick Publications

Satan's Master - Tract #075 (SATM)
Art by Fred Carter - © 1986 Chick Publications

First Published: April 19th, 2012

"Satan's Master" is an old school tract that was discontinued so long ago many people barely remember it. It's quite a shame too, because this one is a golden nugget. A wiccan priestess uses her influence over her coven in an attempt to infiltrate local churches. A moral "white witch" attempts to taint a Sunday School but is rebuked by an older woman who came out of witchcraft. Afterwards, everyone has to deal with the wrath of their demons and the most pimptastic Satan you will ever see depicted on paper.


  Tim   Jessica   Sean  







Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

o Introduction

SeanSean Alright! We've got a witchcraft themed tract! These are always the best because they go from the slightly nutty craziness of a usual tract, to full blown insanity, and let's face it: that's why we all love them so much. So, time to crack open a cold one and get ready to laugh your ass off.


o Cover / Page 1

Cover / Page 1
SeanSean *Bursts out laughing* This is our version of Satan? Dear God that looks silly. It's like the love child of a Skrull and Elvis. Personally, I've always thought Satan would be some kind of Lovecraftian beast instead of something like well, this. Hell, Mr. Lordi is scarier than that!
TimTim Woooo! Eddie Munster didn’t age well.
JessicaJessica Satan (or his eponymous master) seems to dress rather dapper.


o Page 2

Page 2
SeanSean Wow, could that house be any more obviously evil? Not only does it look like something out of a Hammer Horror film, but it's talking! Or maybe the artist just got lazy.

"Your Highness" is a Satanic title? Oh crap, the Satanists have gotten the Queen of England!
TimTim “Based on a true story…” cough cough cough…
JessicaJessica Maybe this is like that "Go Ask Alice" book. It says it's a true story... only... not.
TimTim That Wiccan has pledged that she only works for good. So now that she sees these people worship Satan, she’s out of there, right? Right?


o Page 3

Page 3
SeanSean "Never realize what you've done to her"? You just said you were Satanists 10 seconds ago! What, do you think she's just going to forget that? Do these things work on a rotational shift or something? "Okay, on Mondays and Wednesdays we run the Satanism program, and on Fridays we have Wicca. Sorry Hannah, but you're in the wrong meeting."
TimTim Apparently Hannah fell for it because she thinks she’s “got it made”, even though the woman who she works with just gave praise to Satan. Either Jack T.Chick thinks his readers are stupid, or he is stupid.
JessicaJessica This tract has the same gritty look to it that Lisa has. Maybe it's just the method used to scan the discontinued tracks, or maybe the discontinued ones are grimier by nature.
TimTim Playing the part of High Priestess:…Adrienne Barbeau.


o Page 4

Page 4
SeanSean Christ these panels are convoluted. I can hardly tell what's going on in that last panel. I think I see a Gremlin that got fed after midnight, but it could just be part of the scenery.
JessicaJessica ...or the priestess has an exceptionally ugly parrot.
TimTim Uh, girls….Instead of “getting” the priestess why don’t you just “get up” and “get out” of there? Why are they staying if they think they were deceived?

Jack T. Chick, what would you do without your straw men?


o Page 5

Page 5
SeanSean "Gasp! How did she know?" Well, maybe she overheard you talking since you didn't seem to be whispering that earlier, at least I don't think you were, damn artwork.

..."Baby"? I sincerely doubt very posh Satanists would use the word that way. Guess Chick is taking the opportunity to attack slang as well.
TimTim I wonder what that @*#! Means in this case…Is it the “B” word or the “C” word? I guess it is up to the reader’s imagination. I choose to interpret it as the “C” Word.


o Page 6

Page 6
SeanSean Ri-Chan? Now we're attacking Japanese honorifics? I dunno, to me "Ri-Chan" sounds it's meant to be a cute name. Amon, Asmodeus, Belial... there are plenty of bad ass demon names to chose from you know.
JessicaJessica Yeah, wouldn't you think it would be "Ri-San" or at least "Ri-Kun?"

Iblis the Thrice-Damned, Gophamet - Whore of Betrayal, Gulbruth the Rampant, Praxitas - Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. Even The Onion can come up with better demon names than that. And that's just one article!


o Page 7

Page 7
SeanSean I'd say that exit was more face first than feet, but the point still stands.

"Um... excuse me your Highness: What was with the loud crash and scream earlier? Or that stuff about Satanism?" "Never mind that Hannah, let me tell you where you are most needed." Seems legit.
TimTim “Now let’s split!” Split?  Where the heck are y’all going? Isn’t that your house? A girl just did a Greg Louganis face first, out of your window! Shouldn’t you be getting you stories straight for the police?
JessicaJessica No... don't you see Tim?!? They OWN THE POLICE!!!


o Page 8

Page 8
SeanSean "The young girls are facing problems... you could lead them and teach them" I think I like where this is going.
TimTim “You want me to go undercover as a Christian and teach at a Sunday school? Yeah, because Glinda The Good Witch used to do double agent stuff all the time.”

……You know what? Hannah deserves her fate.


o Page 9

Page 9
SeanSean Holy hell the walls are bleeding! 
TimTim “No one knows that Judy is an ex-high priestess, out of witchcraft. We’ve also replaced their gourmet coffee with Folger’s Crystals.”
JessicaJessica "...and her birth control pills with Tic-Tacs. Le's see if she notices!"


o Page 10

Page 10
SeanSean "You have a power within yourselves that you can release...light a candle to help focus your prayers." This comic keeps getting more appealing by the minute.
TimEric Wait a minute… How the Holy Heck did Hannah-- a woman who, apparently, no one in the church knows very well-- get a teaching position in the church so quickly?  That pastor really is neglecting the women of his congregation.
JessicaJessica Pastors are known for their penchant for neglecting women, don't 'cha know?


o Page 11

Page 11
SeanSean I love the footnotes on the second panel. It's like a rebuttal in a schoolyard argument. "Jesus used these rituals." "Nuh-uh! No he didn't!"
TimTim Release the energy in me to stop that kid. Amen.”

Don’t knock it, people. It worked for the girls in The Craft.
JessicaJessica And I thought that "Light as a feather" stuff was goofy.

...and I totally didn't spend a portion of my teenage years trying to cast glamours... <ahem>


o Page 12

Page 12
SeanSean Wha-ah-ah- WHAT? Chick is actually using a D&D book as a reference into Satanism? What is this I don't even...
TimTim Dungeons and Dragons, Witchcraft, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Rock and Roll music, the atrocious animation of Hanna Barbara…They are all offshoots of  Satanism. Y’know what? Come to think of it….


o Page 13

Page 13

Um.... she didn't really blow her cover as a witch there, she could just be of a different denomination. Oh right, this is the Chickverse, it's the same thing.
TimTim HA! The girls are like “who is this ugly, old bitch”?
JessicaJessica "Why are these damn mental patients always wandering in off the streets into our church?"


o Page 14

Page 14
SeanSean Yes, the Holy Spirit comes into all the believers and guides them correctly. That's why every single branch of Christianity has the exact same beliefs and practices.
TimTim I like these little Christian sayings, like “Who put you over the Holy Spirit?”, “I’ll pray on it”, “backslider” and “I didn’t have sexual relations with my secretary, that hooker nor any of the minors in my congregation” followed by “<sob> I have sinned!”.


o Page 15

Page 15
TimTim “You don’t know it, but Satan is your master.”

Hannah doesn’t know it because she’s a big dummy. Her priestess was praying to Satan right in front of her and she chose to ignore it.
JessicaJessica "Demon of the tongue", also known as Herpes.


o Page 16

Page 16
SeanSean "Satan always double crosses his followers". So why would anyone willingly worship him then? "Yeah, Satan is evil, and has a tendency to betray us, but I feel like worshipping him over Jesus just because."
JessicaJessica ...was that supposed to be Jesus on the cover?


o Page 17

Page 17
SeanSean Again with the name "Ri-Chan", it might as well be named "Neko-Kawaii" or "Desu-Moe" given the level of dignity Chick has bestowed upon it.
TimTim What’s up with ‘Highness’ eyebrows? Those things are arched to the ceiling.


o Page 18

Page 18
SeanSean "Haw Haw Haw!" We needed that particular laugh to let you know that Skrull-Elvis is evil. Come to think of it: What is he wearing? Long baggy pants, and an open vest with huge shoulder pads? I gotta say, he looks fabulous.
TimTim The second panel looks like a scene from Pimps Up, Ho's Down. And the strange comment about “sweet daddy” doesn’t help this image. I guess the message here is that if you are serving the devil, he’s the pimp and you are a whore.


o Page 19

Page 19
SeanSean Damn! Look at the muscles on Ri-Chan! Fred Carter's inner urges strike again. Those back muscles remind me a little of Yujiro Hanma... What? Nobody got that?
TimTim No. No I didn’t. But I did get a shock when I saw this page. Miss Highness got knocked the f--- out! The bloody carnage on that page is worse than anything mainstream comics were putting out at the time.
JessicaJessica She looks like she's about to get graped!
TimTim “You can’t fuck with me! I’m a white witch…I’m not a black witch! I’M WHITE!”


o Page 20

Page 20
SeanSean Huh, based on Hannah's dialogue and expression, she sounds like she might be enjoying her strangling a little more than she should... I'm getting the feeling that this is some sort of evangelical porn comic (or nearest equivalent.)
Tim “Aren’t you the one who tried to sic a demon on me? Yeah, I’m gonna show you who’s the master, alright.”


o Page 21

Page 21
SeanSean Have we ever really gotten to know Sarah? I don't really remember her. It's almost like this was just tacked on so that we could have our typical salvation part of the story... nah, couldn't be.
TimTim You can get out of any contract with the Blood of Jesus.
JessicaJessica Awesome. I've been looking for an easy way to unload those student loan payments for some time now.


o Page 22

Page 22
SeanSean Yada yada yada. Believe on Jesus, only way to salvation.
TimTim Wait a minute! Sarah’s the one who tried to put a spell on Judy and begged the priestess to summon the demon, which in turn got Hannah killed and the priestess put in intensive care. And not only does she get off without a beatdown, she gets saved! Well, she certainly came out on top in this one.


o Conclusion

SeanSean This one did not disappoint at all. It was an almost perfect blend of insanity, paranoia, bad artwork, and just plain silliness. Best of all, the salvation bit was skipped over quickly so that we could have more time for the good stuff. The only thing it was really missing was a hellfire scene, but hey, you can't have everything.


o Further Reading