Exorcists - Comic #04 (C04)
Art by Fred Carter - © 1975 Chick Publications
"Exorcists" once again follows the escapades of the dynamic duo, Tim and Jim, as they fight demons in the third world. After having his faith shaken by the death of his friend by snakebite Santosh Lall begins to question whether Satan may be more powerful than the God of the Bible. After deceptively obtaining a "picture" of the devil from a local pastor's library Santosh is invaded by demonic spirits who immediately begin to reenact The Exorcist. Called into town by divine providence the Crusaders catch wind of the demonic possession after little Santosh burns down the local church. After a rather delayed assessment of the situation Tim and Jim engage in a quick spiritual battle with the demon and successfully drive it out of the boy. In the wake of such a miracle the entire village (including Santosh's communist father Arjun) give themselves to Jesus.
First Published: January 16th, 2015
Part 1
Commentators Jessica Sean
Page 1 ⇑ ⇓
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 Jessica |
They're 83 miles from Calcutta? Looks like they're screwing around in the temple of Thulsa Doom. |
 Sean |
Well at least he's defined where we're supposed to be, unlike certain tracts. Though I have to wonder how long it'll take before he gets the general culture and faiths of India completely wrong. |
Page 2 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
"It feels like a little god!" ...that's what she said. |
| Sean |
The kid found a priceless historic artifact on his first try. You'd think this place would be swarming with Archaeologists if relics were this easy to dig out. |
Page 3 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Ok, that was incredibly stupid. Living where these kids do don't you think they'd be a little better at watching out for and handling themselves around poisonous snakes? |
| Sean |
Great plan Santosh, instead of say, avoid provocation and leave its territory, you opted to throw a rock and agitate the Hell out of this snake! |
| Jessica |
Yes, NOW he gets a stick. Excellent timing doofus. |
Page 4 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Wait a minute!!! Where are you going?!? You're just going to leave him there? Interestingly enough, the markings on that snake's hood seem to point to it being a Chinese Cobra rather than the types typically found in the Indian sub-continent. Though if we have any snake experts reading please feel free to sound off about this in the comments. It's good to know this kid sucks just as bad at Herpetology as he does at first aid. |
| Sean |
"I killed it Raj!" "Gee, thanks Santosh, now my leg feels so much better." |
| Jessica |
Most snake bites don't effect people that quickly. Unless we're talking about an anaphylaxis reaction, in which case he wouldn't be doing much more than gasping and gurgling. |
| Sean |
Not to mention, snake bites kill about 5 people each year, out of the 7-8,000 people bitten. In fact, depending on the species you have between 25-50% of a chance that it'll just bite without any venom. Plus, the species of cobra native to India rarely bites at all. |
Page 5 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Santosh doesn't believe in "gods" yet the first person he runs to is the white american reverend. That makes no sense. |
| Sean |
Seriously, his first instinct isn't to seek out a doctor or, knowing how "primitive" non-white cultures are in the Chickverse, a medicine man. |
| Jessica |
"Are you sure a snake bit him? It's good to check on that point. Knowing this kid's track record it's a wonder he can even wipe himself. |
Page 6 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
It's hard to tell in a written format but the reverend here doesn't sound very sincere in that second panel. Read it to yourself out loud. |
| Sean |
Gee that was fast. You know, even in the rare cases of fatal snake bites, they tend to be a slow death that may or may not be related to infection. For Raj to die this quickly he'd need to be submerged in a whole pit full of really pissed off Black Mambas. |
Page 7 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
And now Santosh takes the untimely death of his friend as an opportunity to pump the reverend for questions regarding Satan. You'd really think this should be a tip off that this kid is trouble. |
| Sean |
"My God is stronger! My God is a 230 pound former marine with a career in MMA and a 13 inch penis!" Humble indeed. |
| Jessica |
For all of Christianity's claims for humbleness and supposed distaste for vanity think about this. How conceited is it to assume that all deities not directly related to your religion are associated with the devil? A good portion of the world doesn't even believe in the devil. |
Page 8 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
I say again, clearly this kid is trouble. |
| Sean |
We get it lady, your baby is dead. Sheesh! The redundant department of redundancy is located in the redundant department of redundancy. |
Page 9 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
And he can't get any help from a village carpenter why? They might not be "True Christians" but I'm pretty sure they'd still take a job. |
| Jessica |
Shoddy workmanship on that ladder there. You'd think God would have provided better equipment for the upkeep of their church and such. |
Page 10 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Santosh is just itching for a reason to worship the dark lord. I don't know if his inevitable possession is as innocent as it seems. "In any situation, ask yourself... 'Could Satan help here?'" |
| Sean |
Whoa, that's one tough old man. A fall like that should have shattered his spine. Oh, and thanks a pantload Jesus. |
Page 11 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
So who is this mysterious benefactor? Are they implying god will send some cash your way if you need it? That sounds like its veering dangerously close to that Prosperity Gospel scam. |
| Sean |
Seems like God's using them as his agents, dispatching them all over the world as needed. This would be kinda cool if he weren't "All powerful". Just saying. |
| Jessica |
What does he mean "Me and my big mouth?" Tom isn't a client of his, per se. He's going to use Kniering's agency regardless of his religion beliefs (or lack their of). |
Page 12 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
God never makes mistakes? I believe this man begs to differ. |
| Sean |
Well it would be kinda miraculous that a man his age survived a fall like that with only two broken legs, but surely there's a more efficient way of getting Chocolate and Vanilla bear over to India. "Hey God, we're gonna have a possession over here in India and you might wanna send those two handsome heterosexual life partners to deal with it." "Alright, I'm gonna go cripple an old man!" "Uh... isn't that a bit extreme?" "DO NOT QUESTION ME!" |
Page 13 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Now the kid is offering implements of war in exchange for dark and arcane knowledge. Maybe he was an earlier coming of Aleister Crowley. |
| Sean |
Speaking as both a bladed weapon enthusiast and a guy who had a pocket knife as a kid: I don't think 10-12 year old boys would call a knife "beautiful". |
| Jessica |
<Crocodile Dundee> Now this is a knife! </Crocodile Dundee> It may be an error in the method I used to scan these images but these kids are so red they are practically glowing. Maybe they're located a bit too close to Bhopal? |
Page 14 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
How the f&#k would a picture of the devil help anything? Here's a picture of the devil. Here's another. There aren't any photos of the devil. You know why? BECAUSE HE ISN'T REAL!!! |
| Sean |
Plus, you know. Lucifer was never depicted like that in the friggin' BIBLE! |
| Jessica |
YOINK! What was she thinking leaving this poor kid unattended with a picture of the devil himself? It's amazing demons aren't possessing every kid with a library card. Or what if he's lifting that picture so he can... you know... beat off to it or something. |
Page 15 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Wait, that's what he traded for the picture? A dinky little pocket knife? I was expecting something like a bowie knife, a switchblade or hell even a swiss army knife. |
| Jessica |
What exactly did you expect dipshit? A GQ model? |
| Sean |
Yeah, no fooling. The ultimate source of all evil is pretty hideous to look at. |
Page 16 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
The kid is so polite he calls him "Mr. Devil." |
| Sean |
"Oh please, Mr. Devil was my father. Call me Ri-Chan." |
| Jessica |
Check out the veritable talons on that kid, too! This (and the glowing eyes in the first panel) are all before he's possessed too. Are we sure this isn't the antichrist? |
Page 17 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Glenco International is apparently a company that does consulting for interior decorating. Why are they dispatching the God Squad all over the globe? Though being interior decorators would explain their... <ahem> rather close, personal relationship. |
| Sean |
And God's purpose for you was to tend to the village whose preacher is bedridden after God had him fall off a ladder so that he could...send you there... |
Page 18 ⇑ ⇓
Page 19 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
"A cable from the United States, it must be important!" "Hello, I am the last in line to the Nigerian crown and I need your help! Please send your bank details to (...)" |
| Jessica |
Harvey's just lazing about in a soiled wife-beater. Don't let something as pathetic as a shattered tibia keep you from doing the work of the lord! |
Page 20 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
"As if I didn't know." Michael Jackson! It's Michael Jackson, right? |
| Sean |
Even the 70-something year old men are ripped like Olympians when Fred Carter's doing the artwork. |
Page 21 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
"See!? He got hit by a car instead of faceplanting onto some concrete stairs! This is totally not a rip-off of that Satanic Hollywood movie I never saw!" Smooth Jack, real smooth. |
| Jessica |
"Most" of them leave the woman? That clergyman sure did a half-assed job. |
Page 22 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
You know, all things considered, this is still a better Exorcist sequel than "Exorcist 2: The Heretic" |
| Jessica |
Jesus. Don't demons get any time off between assignments? Like a lunch break or something? Satan's minions work like dogs. |
Page 23 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Two theories come to mind. Either God's messing with them again, or Satan's resorting to petty nuances to get in their way. Either way, this makes for a pretty lame holy battle. |
| Jessica |
Yes, Korla. If we aren't there by 2:30 on the dot the crusaders will get right back on the plane and leave. God got them the money to fly to India but can't convince them to take a 20 minute layover. |
Page 24 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
"Welcome to Calcutta!" exclaimed the airplane as it slammed unceremoniously into the tarmac. |
| Sean |
So what was the point of the flat tire? All it amounted to was an extra two panels of filler. |
Page 25 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
That's... debatable to say the least. While it has been claimed to date back to the 1st Century, India has a history of not keeping records. The general consensus is that it was an established religion by the 6th century, but that's still about a 500 year margin of error. To put that in perspective we have a smaller time margin for determining the birth of Buddha. |
| Jessica |
What she won't tell you is that an overwhelming majority (almost 12 million) of those Christians ascribe themselves to Roman Catholicism, which is a fact I am sure Jack Chick is careful to gloss over thoroughly. |
Page 26 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
It seems like Hinduism does claim to have over 300 million deities, though that is somewhat of a figurative amount. |
| Sean |
Three hundred million satanic gods, from a Civilization established thousands of years before the earliest Abrahamic texts. |
| Jessica |
I suppose Satan was busy establishing false religions as well back when he was planting all those dinosaur fossils. |
Page 27 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
"Something very big is about to happen", Oh my.... |
| Jessica |
Until God decides to send the message they'll just laze around and mooch. Good call. |
Page 28 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Apparently letting in the Holy Spirit is a better fitness plan than Crossfit. Even for Fred Carter this is ridiculous. |
| Jessica |
Lol. Nice tie, Tim. It really goes well with the short sleeve shirt. |
Page 29 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
I don't think he's pounding on the wall lady, I think he's discovered trouser snake charming. |
| Jessica |
Santosh's dad rocking that little 'stache kind of looks a little like an old, puddiny Clark Gable there. Or maybe Gomez Addams. |
| Sean |
Really digging the stereotypical oil lamps here. Stereotypical Arabic lamps that is, I really don't get how culturally ignorant you have to be to confuse the two. Indian oil lamps look like this. |
Page 30 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Geezus lady, do you have to narrate every single thing you do? |
| Jessica |
"Must... narrate... actions... for... intellectually... deficient... audience..." |
Jessica
Sean