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Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

Angels? (ANGL)
Angels?. Tract #073. Art by Jack Chick - © 1986 Chick Publications

Angels? - Tract #073 (ANGL)
Art by Jack Chick - © 1986 Chick Publications

First Published: December 25th, 2011

"Angels?" tells the story of The Green Angels, a Christian rock group who sign a contract with Lou Siffer to make them huge stars. They discover (a bit belatedly) that Lou Siffer is Lucifer, and that for him, Christian music is just a pawn in an insidious plot to corrupt humanity. Following the deaths of two of the band members, Tom rediscovers Jesus through a Chick Tract, nullifying his contract with Lucifer.


  Jessica   Andrew  




Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

o Introduction

AndrewAndrew So before we begin: Chick really does believe that rock music is controlled by a Satanic conspiracy. It's not a metaphor or anything like that. Interestingly, he doesn't mention the Druids as a culprit, as in Spellbound? In this tract, Satan seems to take an active role in the record industry. A real renaissance man, that Lucifer.
JessicaJessica That really is something else when you actually think about it. In tracts like It's A Deal or The Contract you never know if the unassuming fellow you are wheeling and dealing with is the big man himself or merely some delegated, lower level functionary. Here he comes right out and introduces himself as the Lightbearer himself. If you warrant a visit from the boss himself you must be some serious hot shit. Be honored.


o Cover / Page 1

Cover / Page 1
JessicaJessica Oh yeah. We're definitely in the 80's here. Hair metal? Check. Mano Cornuta? Check. Gloriously ostentatious guitar? Total check!
AndrewAndrew Another nice, bright Chick cover. That's cool. Another nonsensical question mark? That's... less so.


o Page 2

Page 2
JessicaJessica Nice van, guys. Shaggin' wagon if I ever saw one. What complete tools.
AndrewAndrew This tract is an object lesson in the importance of getting a written agreement. Essentially, our "fanatical Christian pastor" just went back on his word, forcing the non-so-fab four into the arms of Satan.


o Page 3

Page 3
JessicaJessica The preacher put a stop to their act and stiffed them on part of the tab... even though they "Put Jesus in it." I like to this these guys come from the Faith + 1 school of song writing, which would explain things.
AndrewAndrew "My Way"? So, is Satan actually Frank Sinatra? Old Blue Eyes is Old Scratch?
JessicaJessica "We're a bunch of losers." That's rather self-introspective of them. They deserve credit.


o Page 4

Page 4
JessicaJessica They get approached by a random flasher in a diner and this doesn't set off any alarms. Must not be that out of the ordinary for them.
AndrewAndrew Our friend in the right panel looks like he's supposed to resemble someone- like a young Elvis or something. Given Chick's lack of drawing skill, anything is possible.
JessicaJessica He looks like he's had a hard night snorting coke off the back of a public toilet. Buy a comb, kid.


o Page 5

Page 5
JessicaJessica His name is Stiffer? Like Stiffler's mom?
AndrewAndrew "First, lets see the bread." I love how people in this tract (published in 1989) use the same dated slang as the people in Soul Story and Spellbound?
JessicaJessica Oh... Siffer! Well that's a horse of a different color.


o Page 6

Page 6
AndrewAndrew It makes you wonder why the heck these guys started playing Christian music in the first place.
JessicaJessica Are you guys solid Christians? Bow-chicka-bow-wow...

Naw, man. We just do this church gig to get chicks.


o Page 7

Page 7
JessicaJessica Even if their not really Christians (like in solid) it seems like a rather stupid idea to try to lure them with Groupies, booze and drugs. Even if their beliefs are rather liberal they're still a Christian rock band, and those guys tend to be at least a little straight-laced.


o Page 8

Page 8
JessicaJessica Signing a contract in blood, while pretty cool in theory, seems like a pretty unsanitary way to spread disease.


o Page 9

Page 9
JessicaJessica "Haw, haw" indeed. That's how you can tell they've finally gone over to the dark side.
AndrewAndrew So now Lew Siffer is going to lay it all out for them, like the worst sort of monologuing super villain. Hey Lew, if these guys are your cannon fodder, it might be best to keep that under wraps.
JessicaJessica "You're going to serve me." It's about that time I'd be asking to read that contract again to make sure I didn't get myself into some really deep Kim Chee.


o Page 10

Page 10
JessicaJessica Lew's in the background. In the closet... if you will. That would explain why he's always so impeccably dressed.
AndrewAndrew World system of what?

I like the implication that somehow billions of people listen exclusively to rock music, and that death metal is anything more than a small niche within the genre.


o Page 11

Page 11
JessicaJessica Killer Rock spawns Soft Rock, Hard Rock and Heavy Rock. Sometime following 1972 it will evolve yet again into Hard Rock Cafe and from thence into it's final form... Rock Lobster. On that day, every knee shall bow to Mr. Siffer here in humble gratitude.
AndrewAndrew So, where does Hair Metal fit into this chart?


o Page 12

Page 12

Mötley Crüe was founded in 1981, dipshit, and didn't become really popular for another few years.

Also, if Chick had ever listened to Black Sabbath, he'd know they weren't exactly "pushing" any of those things. I realize this was still the era of the backmasking lawsuits, but still.

JessicaJessica Christian nutsacks who get their panties all in a twist over music like this never actually listen to the music. They just rail against what they've heard about it. But those people crusading against popular film, now at least they have the dedication to consume the filth they deride.


o Page 13

Page 13
JessicaJessica Oh NOW they're Christians. Give me a break.
AndrewAndrew "Let's move on." It's like he's giving a time-share presentation or something.


o Page 14

Page 14
AndrewAndrew Young people will die for rock and roll? That seems... doubtful.
JessicaJessica They've become zombies?!? OH NO!!!

The Satanist Church? Oh come on. Even those guys admit that they're all about showmanship and bucking the establishment. They rarely actually worship Satan.


o Page 15

Page 15
JessicaJessica When did they become the "Green" Angels? And what exactly does that symbolize? I know they're new and all but they surely won't stay that way.


o Page 16

Page 16
AndrewAndrew THAT is their song? Their big, satanic, death metal dirge? "We're gonna rock with the rock"? Jiminy Criminy, was the last rock song Chick heard by Bill Haley and the Comets?

This is exactly the sort of crap music that got swept off the airwaves with the release of Nirvana's Nevermind in 1991.
JessicaJessica The demons flying out of the speakers is a nice touch. It seems that Hell's legions have tons of specialized creepy crawlies. Here they entrance audiences with rock music, elsewhere they encourage people of the same sex to enter loving committed relationships with one another.

I wonder if the pay is good?


o Page 17

Page 17
AndrewAndrew Thus revealing once again that Chick has no idea where AIDS comes from.
JessicaJessica So I'm guessing Bobby isn't all that concerned with the girls throwing themselves at him.

And why does Chick think all gay men look like Freddy Mercury?


o Page 18

Page 18
JessicaJessica Well Don's a jaded little cuss now isn't he?
AndrewAndrew Actually, other than Tom, I can barely tell who is who among the Green Angels. It doesn't help that their look changes from panel to panel- it's worse than Daisy in Fame.
JessicaJessica Do take note of the guy in the crowd wearing the jacket with the big "No" symbol over the cross. That's satanic imagery with absolutely no subtext.


o Page 19

Page 19
JessicaJessica Heart attack on stage. How embarrassing. Just bite the head off a bat or something, this is going too far.
AndrewAndrew Hard to tell in this panel, but that's a Chick tract she's slipping into his pocket.

"Embrace Me, Love of Death", huh? I guess that's better than "rock with the rock." Still makes no sense.


o Page 20

Page 20
AndrewAndrew Why look, it's The Contract, by Jack T Chick.

This implies that there are Chick Tracts available inside the story world of Chick tracts. Does that mean that, perhaps there are copies of Angels floating around in The Contract? Talk about infinite recursion.
JessicaJessica It's amazing how easily everyone converts in these things. People have no willpower.


o Page 21

Page 21
JessicaJessica Oooohhhh!!! Snap! Consider yourself resisted, Lew. You just got served!
AndrewAndrew Reminds me of that old drug PSA...
JessicaJessica If it's that easy to break a contract with Satan why does he keep making them? As Andrew pointed out elsewhere it's like getting out of a debt by writing "Paid in Full" on a check.


o Page 22

Page 22
AndrewAndrew It's like Chick couldn't think of another way to end the tract than by invoking the end of Dark Dungeons.

Also, Chick clearly couldn't resist the chance to plug himself again.


o Conclusion

AndrewAndrew Well, that was stupid. This tract makes The Truth for Youth's Wasted Words look insightful and nuanced by comparison.


o Further Reading


o Other Reviews & Commentaries