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» November 17, 2023
Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

Cover / Page 1
Boo!. Tract #106. Art by Jack Chick - © 1991 Chick Publications

Boo! - Tract #106 (BOOX)
Art by Jack Chick - © 1991 Chick Publications

First Published: October 22nd, 2023

This takeoff on horror films reveals the truth about Halloween.


  Jessica   Anna   Mingnon   David  








Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

o Introduction

JessicaJessica I am sure that it comes as no surprise that (much like other fundamentalists) Jack Chick had no love for Halloween. Unlike Christmas and Easter, the pagan origins of the holiday have not been so neatly obscured as to render it palpable to modern religious sensibilities. Not that it ever prevented him from making a quick buck (or tens of thousands of them) by using it to stoke the irrational fears of his paranoid and conspiracy-prone audience. Over the course of his life, Chick published no less than 10 different tracts and at least two full-sized comics touching on the subject. Still, Boo! has always held a special place in my heart. In his attempt to lampoon """modern""" horror movies from popular culture, Jack creates a bizarre, almost Seussian work of non-logic that features puns so bad they'd make even your Dad say "What the hell is wrong with you, boy?", as well as an instance of Satan literally and directly killing people himself… a situation that has maybe only played out a scant few times in these tracts. This one is truly outlandish, which is really saying something given other examples we've previously covered.
DavidDavid The mind shudders in imagining how he would’ve responded to shows like Gravity Falls and/or The Owl House.
MingnonMingnon It’s a special little tract, I agree, which is why we pretty much went all in on taking it apart. I’m pretty happy for this opportunity; while I have become less thrilled about the holiday and what it means in recent years, I can still look on the more garishly bad horrors such as what Chick tries to present here and chuckle a bit. The irrational hatred of Halloween for whatever foreign reason just gives it that special spice, you know?
AnnaAnna Despite my general demeanor and proclivities, I do not consider myself a fan of the heavy commercialisation that has infested Halloween (there are other holidays with the same infestation, but I digress). Rather, I have personally taken Halloween and other relevant days to be a time of remembrance for all who have departed, but also to remember that one day, we will join them. But I would not be surprised if this entire tract only delves into aspects that fundamentalist Christians like Chick have heard or seen in popular media regarding Halloween. Or in other words, expect it to be full of misinformation about how Halloween promotes animal sacrifice and other drivel.


o Cover / Page 1

Cover / Page 1
MingnonMingnon This smirking jack-o-lantern is actually going to be a recurring motif in this tract, compared to the one-off jokes or symbols found in others.
JessicaJessica Carved pumpkins have sort of become a de facto “shorthand” for Halloween, along with black cats and stereotypical depictions of witches. Given that Chick’s goal with this tract is stated to be more in line with mocking modern horror films, I would have thought he’d have gone with more specific pop-cultural imagery, like he would do later on in tracts like The Walking Dead. My guess is that this far back in his career, he had never actually seen any secular horror movies, and was just kind of shooting from the hip based on what others had told him about those same films.
AnnaAnna I remember the jack-o-lanterns from my childhood that looked something like this. Also, to mention, they were on occasion viewed as protective wards in order to keep harmful spirits out of one’s home. How and why the stereotypical depiction became something that in modern society has lost all significance is not lost on me. I have a good theory as to why, and it saddens me greatly.


o Page 2

Page 2
MingnonMingnon The lower-right corner looks to have a snake that’s either had its tail cut off or is hiding in a hole that the artist forgot to put in. It otherwise reminds me of a Tsuchinoko.
AnnaAnna My, my, Mingnon! I had no idea of your interest in yokai! We must sit and discuss in-depth about it one time. I admit one of my personal favorites is the yuki-onna.

On the topic of weird animals, if that snake had ears and legs, I get the feeling it’d be a Fang cameo. I also think someone took the idea of great horned owls a bit too literal if that bird in the tree is anything to go from. The alternative of course is that you somehow missed the obvious camp name and the bird/demon is there to remind you that the place and by association Halloween are evil.
JessicaJessica Camp Basil Bub”... Jesus Christ. Really? I haven’t seen a pun this hokey and poorly shoe-horned in since all the way back in Angels? Despite the significant evolution some of his tracts seemed to undergo through the years, it’s interesting to see how his humor never seemed to improve in the slightest.
DavidDavid HAS A DEVIL PUT ASIDE FOOooorrrrr… oh, it was just me then? Only me?


o Page 3

Page 3
MingnonMingnon Yeah, it’s a common thing for property values to plummet any time the real estate companies find out about a murder going on.

Also it looks like a ghost of one of the 13 victims is haunting the cabin and is gasping, thinking “Oh no! They know about me!”
AnnaAnna Depending on the jurisdiction that this takes place in the US, they (the realtor) may be subject to punishments and fines as per stigmatized property law, especially for murders that happened on the property. Even if I were to accept that you were in a jurisdiction that did not have to tell you about said murders occurring on the property (or because you are renting it instead of buying it), and somehow missed the news reports about thirteen people being murdered there, given the size of the premises, it would be a case of ‘too good to be true’. You should have thought more into why it is such a low cost and dug deeper.

As for the spirit of the victim - I do hope you obtain solace and peace, that you may no longer be bound to the place of your death.
JessicaJessica I think they may be selling themselves short. If this place were to rebrand itself as a Halloween specific destination spot, a body count of 13 might result in driving the rental value up significantly. Pennhurst State Hospital was a dilapidated, long-abandoned mental health treatment facility that was decommissioned and abandoned after years of patient neglect and abuse were finally uncovered. A couple of decades, a little spit-shine, and a significant PR make-over later, and now these days, “Pennhurst Asylum” rakes in the cash-ola every September and October. Life hands you lemons… invent combustible lemonade.
DavidDavid On a side note, we should get some alumni from an actual “Salem High” to be a guest contributor.


o Page 4

Page 4
MingnonMingnon I wouldn’t be too sure about the killer being dead. There’s a reason the TV Trope Never Found the Body exists: If they can’t find the body, then it’s pretty clear that the person they tried to kill is going to come back at some later point.
AnnaAnna I am inclined to agree. Given you are in a Chick tract, I am half expecting your ‘surprise’ to be something that paints you as an evil non-believer. I also hope I am wrong.
DavidDavid Better yet, it’s a Chick tract trying to ape a slasher film. And this moment from an episode of Zero Punctuation says it best – slasher movies are tailor-made to make you hate all of the characters.
JessicaJessica This whole situation involving “The Gang” has the same sort of goofy setup as a bad episode of Scooby Doo. Is this supposed to be “suspenseful”? Or just what passes for it in milquetoast Christian homeschool circles?


o Page 5

Page 5
JessicaJessica Carrie? Like… that Carrie? Boy, he really was casting quite a wide net with his horror movie references with this one, wasn’t he?
MingnonMingnon Ugh! If you murder an animal at a party, property values are going to plummet even further! Just wait until you get a lawsuit from Century 21!
JessicaJessica …and if you tell anybody… about our little secret? I’ll kill your cat.
AnnaAnna *sighs deeply, attempting to maintain control* I am unhappy that I am correct. First of all, you went from being afraid of a killer who committed thirteen murders last Halloween to talking about sacrificing a cat to Satan and for what? To end your party? Given the way that Chick’s universe works, you are either going to convert to Christianity by the end of the tract or be killed by off-brand literal Pumpkinhead over there. I suppose if he kills you in a particularly slow and painful way, then it is tolerable. I would have done far worse and for far longer to ALL of you who were involved in the plan of sacrificing a cat.
MingnonMingnon Though this particular version of Pumpkinhead has an interesting taste in pets.
DavidDavid Well, the comic format ensures a quick recap of the first boring twenty minutes contractually binding to most horror movie productions. I’m sure it was first stipulated in some obscure international convention.


o Page 6

Page 6
AnnaAnna Tsk, tsk. Halloween (or All Hallows Eve) is not Satan’s birthday. It never was. Without delving too much into the history of Halloween and its potential Christian origins, not all denominations observe Halloween. Rather, they are preparing for the upcoming All Saints Day on November 1st and All Souls Day on November 2nd, which are days for the remembrance of saints and the souls of the departed respectively.
MingnonMingnon Don’t forget the famous Mexican holiday Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, which is also held on November 1st.
AnnaAnna I always try to remember the departed and wish them solace wherever they are, both in and out of the holiday. And eventually, one day, I will join them.
JessicaJessica Yeah. We’ve been here, and we’ve done that. But when have Christians ever let a little thing like facts get in the way of telling a good story?
DavidDavid Partly explains why they don’t show how the cat didn’t claw out Carrie’s eyes at this point.


o Page 7

Page 7
DavidDavid Well, at least the cat escaped relatively fine. That’s a positive…?
MingnonMingnon Oh, NOW I get the pun! Basil Bub means Beelzebub! Hahahaha, that’s very subtle of you Jack!
AnnaAnna Given the chainsaw sound and speaking of puns… could you say they are bee-ing attacked and killed?
JessicaJessica Ba-dump tschhh
AnnaAnna Color me curious as to what that cake is made out of that requires you to use a saw blade to cut it. I've heard of rock cakes before, but this seems like it would break your teeth and jaw at minimum.
JessicaJessica I’m not sure which is more disturbing, a cake so dense you can suspend a reciprocating saw blade in it, or the sheriff’s ability to pour his coffee using only the power of his mind.

Who’s that doofus in the “Wanted” poster on the wall? Chick typically reserves those for Fang. Who is that dipstick?


o Page 8

Page 8
AnnaAnna ‘Tis truly a sad display, that Lucifer himself, the supposedly great corruptor of men, has donneth a head of pumpkin. Perplexingly, he appears only content to scare the men, as though they are but naughty children. A far cry, no doubt, from the being that ne'er-do-wells considered him worthy to sacrifice a poor innocent animal to, and known by aliases such as the Evil One.
JessicaJessica Doesn’t Satan usually have lackeys to take care of this kind of menial shit? Why would he go through the effort of bumping off this specific group of irritating teenagers himself rather than just delegating the job to some of his innumerable, lower level functionaries like he typically does?
DavidDavid Don’t try to logic this one, Jessica. Then again, part of me thinks Jack Chick missed the aforementioned main draw of a slasher movie.
MingnonMingnon Also kind of weird that he’s immune to bullets. Either that or the cops accidentally grabbed the Hollywood firework guns.


o Page 9

Page 9
AnnaAnna Judging by the content of this short article, I’m inclined to think that Chick thinks the idea of saints is stupid. Would make sense given his views on Catholicism. He really cannot resist attacking the Catholics when they are not even present in the main storyline of this tract, can he?
JessicaJessica Chick doesn't think saints are stupid… he thinks they are literal demons.
DavidDavid Seems to explain why he used the term “village” instead of “small town”. The term “village” implies a distinctly foreign kind of folkish. Evidently in Jack Chick’s America, the former is where you can “try that” more often, so to speak.
MingnonMingnon It’s not like it’s supposed to be the cops’ job to protect people or anything.
JessicaJessica I can totally imagine the cops in this podunk little mountain town witness a mass murderer take several dozen bullets to the chest without flinching and then straight-up dematerialize and deciding to just say “F$#% this”. After all, they do kind of have a track record with that kind of thing.


o Page 10

Page 10
JessicaJessica Oh, there’s Fang! Or, at least, some long lost feral cousin of his.
AnnaAnna *sigh* If your plan was to only jumpscare him, that is the most idiotic plan you could do. Do I really have to explain to you how to do your job?

Assuming that this is the same idiot who was in agreement about cat sacrifice as a way to end the party, there are far better ways to get him. At the very least, tempt him with a succubus. That would probably work, unless he has already 'assumed the position' off-screen.
JessicaJessica What’s going on with Satan’s hand there? Is that supposed to be a pentagram or something?
MingnonMingnon Maybe Chick tried to draw creases but somehow they came out looking like that. Or he wanted to try and parody Jesus’ stigmata, but he flinched partway through.
DavidDavid It’s just poor art, like the rest of this comic.


o Page 11

Page 11
AnnaAnna Suddenly he is able to rebuke demons? How convenient. I suppose his earlier sentiments about how to end parties were also mysteriously forgotten. And yet, he seems to be sweating quite a lot, almost as if he does not actually believe it will work. I wonder if, in an alternate depiction of this tract, Satan realises the idiot does not believe in God being omnipotent and proceeds to kill him.
JessicaJessica It’s just that easy, huh? Just a simple “Hocus pocus, hominy and okras” and Satan runs for the hills like a frightened little girl. Chick admits elsewhere that exorcizing and driving off demonic entities can be a long, protracted, exhausting affair. I guess we get the abbreviated version here because we’ve got to fit the entire narrative into just 22 short pages.
AnnaAnna A pity I have not learned how to enter fictional media as of yet. I would love for this guy to try to rebuke me, as though it will work. And then he will 'drown' in his sadness as he breaks and realises the futility of his actions, like water breaking upon stone.
MingnonMingnon Though don’t you need to be a 100% bona-fide Christian with an unshakable faith in God/Jesus in order to successfully ward off demons? Other christians manage to ward off satanic influence and entities because they are fully confident that at least their faith alone would see them through.

Or maybe I’m just thinking of Vampire: The Masquerade’s rules about faith.
DavidDavid Perhaps Jack Chick wanted to make room for more (if you’ll pardon the pun) pontificating.


o Page 12

Page 12
AnnaAnna Silver lining is that now we have in-universe proof that you know Halloween is not Satan’s birthday. Or is this your feeble and pathetic attempt to say it is not and then spend the remaining pages informing us how it secretly is Satan's Birthday and other such misinformation?
DavidDavid Coincidentally enough, most other media have higher quality standards than a Chick tract.
JessicaJessica Chick’s theology is always as consistent as a lava lamp.
AnnaAnna At least lava lamps can be mesmerizing and enjoyable for what they are. Chick theology as presented is constant assertions about a supposed superiority and pride as a believer that is hypocritical to the source text, given the stance the Bible has on being humble.
MingnonMingnon Also weird how Satan actually changed his name from Lucifer. Normally he would keep both names, or in other (mostly japanese) media Satan and Lucifer are two different characters.
AnnaAnna Funny you mention that, Mingnon. I do recall playing a virtual depiction based on aspects of those wonderful stories about knights going on quests to save kidnapped maidens called Ghosts and Goblins in which there is a Satan that you fight and is different to this guy, who is known as Astaroth, but also Great Satan and The Devil.


o Page 13

Page 13
JessicaJessica Okay… I’m sorry, but that pastor is the Brawny man. Just straight up. I guess that’s a good thing, too… given how much blood probably needs to get mopped up back at the scene of the murders. I’m sure his specific skill set will come in quite handy.
DavidDavid You just know it’s Jack Chick dreaming himself as a rugged woodsman from the Old West… or some other thinly veiled psychosexual delusions.
MingnonMingnon Like lesbians throwing together thinly-veiled witchcraft parties?
AnnaAnna *sighs* You were at the church yesterday, were able to tell Satan to depart from your sight when he tried to scare you outside the church and do not know that Lucifer was kicked out of Heaven by God? The pastors’ expression also seems like he is thinking in his head “Ugh…he doesn’t know about the fall of Lucifer? Time to explain it for the hundredth time.”


o Page 14

Page 14
JessicaJessica You know that technique where you take a photograph and invert the figure’s eyes and it isn’t really noticeable until you right the figure around again?

Yeah… I don’t know what made me think of that just now…
DavidDavid Is that bad shadowing, or is Pastor Psychosexual here sporting a douchey soul patch?
AnnaAnna Their time is short? Since when? And short according to who? Last I checked, they have as much time is available from when Jesus died up until the Second Coming of Jesus. That could be anywhere from now to the death of the Sun, or even further than that, something like the heat death of the universe. I think they have plenty of time to destroy mankind, particularly because of drivel and misinformation that you and your company present under the guise of ‘salvation’.
JessicaJessica Yeah, what the hell is he waiting for? This is the exact same question you can ask about why he waited so long to have Jesus come to Earth the first time around. Did everyone who died prior to around 33 CE just not matter at all? Do all of the people Satan is managing to corrupt or murder (with his own two hands, no less) not matter? What’s the hold up, guy?
MingnonMingnon Don’t forget that most people in these tracts actually want to enter Heaven once they find out. But nope, for arbitrary rules reasons you have to have converted to Christianity when you knew nothing about what Heaven or God would be like. Now here’s an angel who will happily escort you and then chuck you into the Lake of Fire.


o Page 15

Page 15
AnnaAnna Justifying the sacrifice of a cat as a way to end a party is also one of his tricks, but I guess you do not want your recent convert to look into his own reflection and history and see how he was just five minutes ago. Also, as I pointed out earlier, Halloween does have potential Christian origins, and several Christian events exist and take place at this time. Or is praying for the souls of the dead to be safe in God’s embrace a sin as well?
DavidDavid When Christ is the Good Shepherd, is it any surprise that he attracts sheeple?
JessicaJessica He is a master deceiver”... just as he, too, is a master debater as well as a truly cunning linguist. You would do well to steer quite clear of his wiles, young Joey.


o Page 16

Page 16
MingnonMingnon “Twick or tweet!” Cute how Jack uses a cutesy child voice. But where’s Barrel?
JessicaJessica Not to be that person, but typically in Satanist tradition, one’s own birthday (PDF, pg. 51) is generally held to be the highest holiday as the primary concept behind Atheistic (or standard LaVeyan) Satanism is centered on recognizing the self as the only being worthy of worship.

As for Wicca, Samhain was to mark the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter. While there may have been beliefs relating to a thinning of the veil between the mortal world and the world of spirits, it was also used as a time to honor the dead and appease certain spirits so that future harvests would be good.

You don’t like Halloween because it seems irreverent and scary to you, and you’re projecting those same attitudes and opinions onto others.
DavidDavid Yeah, and a bigger projector than fucking IMAX (or to keep Jack Chick in mind, Cinemascope).
AnnaAnna I do love when there is a thinning of the veil between the mortal and spirit worlds and I love to listen to the stories told to me by the spirits, though for all the stories I have heard, I also weep and mourn for them as though they were my kin.

As for this page, I would ask some questions of Chick and his ilk. For how much faith and trust you claim to put in God, why are you afraid of a holiday and associated spirits that you have doubts about being demonic/paganistic, given its potential Christian origins I pointed out earlier? Is God not meant to be greater than those things? Or do all the words you love to say about having faith in God and Jesus, trusting them to watch over you mean nothing? And what of the Christian remembrances of saints and the souls of the departed as part of Allhallowtide? Are they forgotten about due to your fear of Halloween? Or do you demonise them because they are a Christian practice that you and your denomination do not share?
MingnonMingnon I think it’s like the typical conservative reaction to anything changing away from what they’re used to. It’s become something they no longer like, so now they have to spend all their time saying it’s always been bad.


o Page 17

Page 17
JessicaJessica Jack, you are blatantly and obviously cribbing off of Carter’s earlier work here. I know you’re both dead now, but you were never going to live up to that guy’s legacy. No how, no sir.
AnnaAnna Only if you consider spooky being that they were powerful figures in Celtic society and were part of the priestly caste (religious leaders), also functioning as legal authorities, adjudicators, lorekeepers, medical professionals and political advisors. But that almost sounds like the equivalent of a priest, particularly around the times of Jesus Christ.
DavidDavid You can tell this was drawn in the 80s – you’re supposed to see the middle-aged creeps with ugly facial hair as the villains. Whereas nowadays, they are rugged yet esteemed church leaders.
JessicaJessica The line between "creepy church leader" and "Saturday night Dungeon Master" can indeed be rather thin at times.


o Page 18

Page 18
AnnaAnna *sighs heavily* Near as I can tell, there is the very real possibility that the supposed claims of druidic sacrifice was projection of traits perceived as ‘barbaric’ by the Romans as a form of propaganda onto certain peoples, similar in nature to the propaganda from the Romans regarding Jewish people and Christians. Even if they (the Druids) did engage in human sacrifice, it may have been the exception rather than the routine.
JessicaJessica Absolutely! “But, but… they eat each other!” has been a (frequently baseless) accusation levied at numerous cultures thought to be backwards and “less civilized” by conquering nations throughout history. They’ve done it to the Caribs as well numerous other native North American tribes. Heck, even Chick perpetuated this same kind of rhetoric himself when it came to the African Waorani natives. And we’ve since discovered that was a load of horse apples, too.
AnnaAnna Also, as I pointed out earlier, pumpkins are not native to the British Isles and are actually native to North America and Mexico. Indeed, the use of pumpkins is due to the migrants from the British Isles using the native pumpkins as a substitute, since pumpkins were more readily available and were larger than vegetables originally used, such as turnips and rutabaga, which made them easier to carve.
DavidDavid This is Jack Chick operating out of the theological tradition of Hammer horror films.
MingnonMingnon Besides that, Druids are more commonly portrayed as a more benevolent, nature-centric healer class in RPGs such as Dungeons and Drag– Oh wait, DnD is considered to be an instrument of the devil and therefore doesn’t count as a valid counterpoint. Nevermind.


o Page 19

Page 19
JessicaJessica Yep! “Little kidssure love it when you glamorize the powers of darkness, all right.
AnnaAnna Only if you are referring to the (pardon my language) bastardized fear mongering version that came as a result of the Satanic Panic. Since it is apparent to me that you have yet to learn, not everyone follows your view of what happens at this time of the year and some also use the time to pray and be devout.
MingnonMingnon For me personally, I prefer to worship Satin.
JessicaJessica Excrement!
DavidDavid On a side note… oh Christ, that is a soul patch! *Runs to the nearest toilet to puke*


o Page 20

Page 20
AnnaAnna Apparently, he has blinded your minds as well (via fear), making you flail impotently. But do not let me stop you. Watching you flail impotently is actually quite humorous to me, if only because it also is a source of inspiration for ideas on what I could do to you and your idiotic friends from before who wanted to sacrifice a cat to end a party. So many possibilities to make you all writhe, flail and scream like the pitiful vermin you are…
JessicaJessica If you are going to go on about “blinding people’s minds to the truth” and then reference works by William Schnoebelen, then you need to seriously take a look in the mirror, buddy.
DavidDavid If Chick lived in an earlier time, he would’ve considered the mirror to be another Satanic symbol of vanity.
MingnonMingnon Oh yeah, he would have made himself right at home as a Puritan.


o Page 21

Page 21
JessicaJessica This Satan looks absolutely nothing like the previous Satan we saw earlier up on Page 10. A different demon entirely, or just Chick’s inconsistent art style? You be the judge!
DavidDavid Not to mention the Antisemitic Stereotype Nose, to further prove that Jack Chick claiming he wasn’t racist was a fucking lie.
AnnaAnna The problem is not solely whether you read it or not. The bigger issue is when dealing with more insidious sins, such as not being humble, pronouncing judgment on others, and other such sins that Christians are vulnerable to. After all, Satan works to turn people away from God, and that includes Christians. And what better way to do that then to make them think they are prideful and superior to others? After all, it is something that you have experience with, Chick, if the content of your works is anything to go from.
MingnonMingnon “Do this totally cool thing that the Devil doesn’t want you to do!” It’s like a one-two-three fallacy combo of Appeal to Emotion, Ad Hominem, and Reverse Psychology! There should be an award for stuffing as much argumentative fallacy nonsense into one thing as possible. It’s not the first time this exact thing was pulled, too, so he’s like a repeat offender on this and all sorts of other things.


o Page 22

Page 22
JessicaJessica Get on your knees and tell him you love him!
DavidDavid Was going to make a similar joke, but not sure if people would’ve understood without needing an incognito browser.. Oh well…
AnnaAnna I grow bored of this - at least Bob Williams was more of a challenge. But despite my boredom, I can levy far simpler questions in your direction. You should be able to easily answer them.

If all it takes is a few words that you only ever have to say once in your life and God/Jesus will protect you and let you reign in heaven forever, why does the idea of Halloween and demonic bogeymen make you tremble in fear? Are you not constantly prattling on about how God is greater than Satan? Does this mean that you could commit numerous atrocities and other morally negative activities, and then just have it all handwaved in an instant without reparation or any form of good works? And careful with how you answer - oftentimes, I take the answers and apply them practically.*smirks, waiting for the answer*
MingnonMingnon The false dichotomy presented here feels pretty forced. Not to mention the use of the words ‘smart’ and ‘dummy’ to further hammer home what choice the potential convert needs to make. It makes a Good Idea, Bad Idea segment look subtle.

Also I can’t help but notice the “You rat!” and think that there should be a Satanic version of Dennis the Menace.
AnnaAnna What about the version that exists in the UK? His dog, Gnasher, has a really interesting species name, that being a “black-haired Abyssinian Wire-Haired Tripe Hound”. Maybe he has some relation to Cerberus.
JessicaJessica If you were to find yourself in Hell, being incessantly violated by Gophamet, Archduke of Those Willingly Led Astray, your viscera being repeatedly and endlessly shredded to ribbons by a demonic, white hot ejaculate of burning sand… don’t you think you might be able to eek out a slightly more vehement curse than a meek, impotent “You rat!”?


o Conclusion

JessicaJessica Now remember, boils and ghouls… when you go out "Twick or Tweeting" this year, you're following in the proud footsteps of those Druid forefathers that totally sacrificed virgins by celebrating the Devil's Birthday. Be sure to stay away from all that candy filled with syringes and razor blades, and don't forget to look both ways when fleeing all those scary Hell Houses you'll no doubt be frequenting. May all your cat sacrifices be fruitful… and may all the saints preserve ya!
MingnonMingnon Yeah, Jessica pretty much covered all those irrational bases with that closer. All I can say is that whatever amount of candy you get on the big night, be sure to stretch it out - Just because Halloween ends, that doesn’t mean your candy supply should quickly go out with it! ~The More You Know~
DavidDavid It’s boring and stupid, and relies on the stagnant pool of cheap suburban scaremongering. Moving on…
AnnaAnna For the sake of discussion, suppose Halloween is in fact all about Satan’s Birthday (which since Satan was created at the same time as all the other angels, it would be their birthday as well), and people celebrate it by sacrificing cats. Therefore, we are yet again repeating an earlier question. Why are you afraid of Halloween if you believe in God (who is meant to be omnipotent) and can protect you as soon as you accept Him as your Savior by saying the words once (as per Chick’s theology)? Is God not meant to be greater than Satan?

And what of those who do not celebrate Halloween? The ones who participate in All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Día de los Muertos and other such events? They are times of prayer, remembrance of the saints and of the departed. None of those involve animal sacrifices, much less praising Satan and celebrating his supposed birthday.

Truly, all I can bring myself to feel is pity. Pity for people who actually believe the message presented in this tract, who buy into the fear-mongering as presented, who accept the misinformation and are misled by people like Chick and refuse to even consider other perspectives and information, resorting to hostility at the slightest mention of something conflicting with their views. Those people are worth nothing more than pity from me.

As for you, dear reader… whatever you do on October 31st, I will hope that it goes favorably. As for me, I will be preparing to remember the departed, the wayward who are yet to find solace and that one day, I shall join them. Until next time we meet, whether alive or dead, may your sojourns into the land of dreams be ever kind. *bows my head slightly, before turning to leave*


o Further Reading


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