Primal Man? - Comic #07 (C06)
Art by Fred Carter - © 1976 Chick Publications
"Primal Man?" is a full length comic on the wonders of Creationism and the horrors of Evolution much in the same vein as the tract Big Daddy and the Truth for Youth's take on the subject. The dynamic duo, Jim and Tim, of the crusaders join their friend Tommy on the set of a caveman television series he is shooting. Through their usual charm and witty banter they manage to convince Tommy that Evolution is a load of junk but despite swaying his producer Frank he ultimately spurns their advice and continues to worship at the altar of Mammon. Hilarity ensues.
First Published: December 17th, 2015
Primal Man? Comic #07 (C06) Art by Fred Carter - © 1976 Chick Publications
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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |
16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
31 | 32 | 33 |
CommentatorsJessicaSeanAron Ra Introduction ⇑ ⇓
Sean | Today folks, we have a very special treat for you. Usually it's just the two of us, with our crack internet researching ability and razor sharp wit. But today, we brought in an expert to help us tear into the further adventures of everyone's favorite completely heterosexual duo; Please give a big round of applause for the one and only Aron Ra! |
Page 1 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | This first panel thanks the convicted fraud and charlatan "Dr" Kent Hovind for the 'authenticity' presented in this story. Since there is no authenticity to Mr. Hovind, then if you have to thank him for doing your research, you'd better do your own homework. | |
Jessica | They keep switching back and forth between "caveman speak" with a complete lack of helping verbs and full usage of the King's English. Pick a dialect and stick to it guys. | |
Sean | The only thing authentic about Kent Hovind is his bust. Seriously, he couldn't even stay out of trouble while in jail. | |
Page 2 ⇑ ⇓
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Page 4 ⇑ ⇓
Page 5 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | I've seen enough Hentai to know where this is going. | |
Jessica | "Next on Urotsukidōji, Legend of Overfiend!" | |
Sean | Come on guys, this is a Fred Carter piece, if anyone's gonna be ravished by a large hairy beast, it's gonna be a stand-in for the artist. | |
Page 6 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Yay Borg! Resistance is futile. | |
Jessica | Yes. Between the Borg and Tama (Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!) the producers of Star Trek should sue Jack's ass into the 24th century. | |
Sean | You know, all things considered this is a pretty awesome scene. We got a guy charging headfirst into an angry mammoth while a volcano erupts in the background. | |
Jessica | And now the volcano is erupting to boot. Its a pretty bad day to be a caveman/woman. | |
Page 7 ⇑ ⇓
Page 8 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Oh, it's a movie. No wonder they got everything wrong. | |
Jessica | Dig the hat on the lady in the foreground. Maybe she's visiting over from the Three Musketeers set. That director is a walking, mincing, Jewish stereotype. Dear god. |
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Sean | Really? Because he seems more like a gay stereotype to me. What with the effeminate pose and the hot pink shirt. His name is Dexter? Does this mean the comic's going to end with him going all serial killer on Chocolate and Vanilla bear? |
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Page 9 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | So when the 6 million-dollar man discovers the Geico caveman, it turns out to be Roger Daltry from the Who. | |
Jessica | I highly doubt they would use a full rubber mask for those makeup effects. Typically some facial appliances would suffice. Also, those things usually take, like, five hours to apply. Just ripping it off like that would cost hours of time and thousands of dollars. Thanks, guy. | |
Sean | I notice that Dr. Lind is handing Jim something, even though he walked onto the set with him, he still thinks he's the hired help. Yeah.... still hard to believe this was drawn by a black man- wait, I just realized that Jim has the same last name as Fred. This may explain a lot. | |
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Page 13 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | The Creation Research Society was refuted en mass by one of their own authors, petro-geologist, Dr Glenn Morton. He wrote an article on the cognitive bias required to believe in creationism. He called it 'Morton's Demon'. | |
Sean | 600 members? Not bad, but here's a list of (as of now) almost 1500 Scientists who accept evolution as a valid theory, all limited to the name "Steve". You wanna play the numbers game, we got you beat Jackie. | |
Aron | Oh of course, scientists are unable to either produce or refute facts because they're afraid of losing their jobs, which have no reason to exist if evolution isn't evidently true. Maybe these scientists are afraid their true identities will be exposed, as reptilian invaders of the Illuminati who were behind Roswell, the Bermuda Triangle, and Windows 8. | |
Jessica | What is that thing in the middle panel? Are we still doing a caveman picture or is this sci-fi now or what? | |
Page 14 ⇑ ⇓
Page 15 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Ask to be teleported there. According to Matthew 7:7, 21:22 and Mark 11:24, if you're a believer, everything you ask for will be granted, but no one ever asks for something verifiable like that. | |
Sean | Or, you know, he's the director of a TV show, and is frequently called away to discuss script revisions and review footage. I doubt they needed to pray, they could have just waited five minutes. | |
Aron | Why is it always about what you're required to believe rather than what is evidently true? Oh yeah, because of Kent Hovind. | |
Jessica | Mr. Findlayson kind of puts off a Rich Uncle Pennybags sort of vibe. I wonder if that was intentional. | |
Page 16 ⇑ ⇓
Page 17 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Every creationist organization there is posts a statement of faith wherein they admit they'll refuse to admit when they're wrong, and that they will automatically and thoughtlessly reject, without consideration, any and all evidence that ever arise against their position. It's just a childish game of pretend. | |
Sean | Just what is that dinosaur like thing in the bottom panel? It looks like Yoshi shat out a Skeksis! | |
Page 18 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Mrs. Leakey's discovery? You mean Australopithecus Boisei? That... doesn't render the chart obsolete as it's not actually considered a Human ancestor, we're not even in the same Genus. | |
Jessica | That caricature of Darwin isn't really cruel, just sort of goofy. | |
Page 19 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | As I showed in the 13th Foundational Falsehood of Creationism, Marvin Lubenow got a lot of stuff wrong - on purpose. Don't read books by propagandists; read the actual peer-reviewed works. One of many misconceptions of evolution is that there was a single series of progression. In fact there are known to have been many groups of hominines living at the same time for a while. Some lines thinned out while Homo erectus became wide-spread. | |
Jessica | The TV series rides on Frank not looking like an idiot to some random douche-nozzle? I guess it really is in danger then. | |
Page 20 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | Some 40 examples of Peking Man were lost in World War II, but they were just a subset of Homo erectus. Nebraska man was never accepted by anyone in the scientific community, and Piltdown man was a fraud perpetrated against evolution, and exposed by evolutionists, not creationists. Creationists are just wrong about everything all the time. | |
Sean | We also lost the Honjo Masamune, one of Japan's greatest national treasures. World War 2 kinda destroyed a lot of our heritage, yet I don't hear creationists questioning the existence of the aforementioned sword. Ugh, can we go just five minutes into a debate without bringing up Piltdown man? |
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Page 21 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | This comic finally got something right, but still misrepresented that fact. Neanderthals were never believed to be ancestral to modern humans. The so-called "missing link" was Australopithecus afarensis, discovered in 1974. | |
Sean | No... Neanderthals were another species of human, cousins at best. | |
Jessica | I hate to keep focusing on the art but that woman is the fug uglyist piece of work I think I've ever seen in one of Chick's comics. And that is really saying something. Fred Carter must be slipping with age. | |
Page 22 ⇑ ⇓
Page 23 ⇑ ⇓
Page 24 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | How often do you see a man assaulted by a little old lady for throwing money at her? | |
Sean | Not gonna lie, this is funny. The only way it could be funnier is if a terrified holy man was running away from the scene. | |
Jessica | You devils! You fiends! You animals! Chick has NO idea how human beings talk. At least throw a *!!@ in there for good measure. | |
Page 25 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | The only dinosaurs that have ever co-existed with men are birds. | |
Sean | Even though they claim they have evidence off it, they don't even take the time to cite said sources. So here's a quick rundown of the most famous/memetic ones:
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Jessica | Here we go. Let's trot out all the tired, debunked "evidence" of man and dinosaurs coexisting. Bring on the Paluxy footprints. | |
Page 26 ⇑ ⇓
Page 27 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | It is important to note that belief in gods and souls had already failed critical analysis centuries before evolution or fossils or enlightenment of science. If evolution were disproved tomorrow, it wouldn't help creationism, because that has already been disproved and can't be resurrected. | |
Jessica | Totally unrelated but that old canard about only getting one phone call in prison is totally false. | |
Sean | That's one spacious backseat in Tim's car. I imagine they need that extra room, especially if Tommy's gonna get in on this action. Also, what happened to the striped tomato he was driving in the other Crusader comics? | |
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Page 30 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | This claim about ocean sediment ignores variation in different areas, as well as subduction of continental plates. | |
Jessica | If the earth could be proved to be only 6,000 years old it would redefine multiple fields of science. Fortunately, it's not likely to happen anytime soon. BTW, the age of the earth is estimated at 4.5 billion years , not "almost 5 billion." That's off by about 500,000,000 years. Numbers matter, guys. |
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Sean | So... are we just going to ignore rising landmasses, volcanic eruptions and mineral deposits carried by seawater? Because those are kind of a factor too. What am I saying? Of course we're going to ignore them, it negates the argument. A desert's size isn't the sole indication of its age. Deserts form due to a variety of factors, both natural and artificial. The Narib Desert for instance, is actually about 80 million years old. Though this is a moot point since the largest desert in the world is Antarctica, and its permafrost levels do support an old earth conclusion. |
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Page 31 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | This part of the comic is the most fantasy-based. Yes, if there had been valid arguments, one should change their minds accordingly, as they are here; but in real life, all the valid arguments are on the side of evolution, and creationists should be changing their minds; but we know they're determined not to do that no matter what. So this page of the comic is a sort of wet dream for them. | |
Sean | Someone needs to take Dexter to a chiropractor, he's got a posture like Mr. Burns. | |
Page 32 ⇑ ⇓
Page 33 ⇑ ⇓
Aron | The scientific method works by presenting evidence and hypotheses that can be demonstrated measured and tested, to be sure how accurate it is. Creationists can't do any of that because everything they believe is delusional nonsense, fairy tales made up in the minds of irrational men; none of it can withstand analysis, because it doesn't make any logical sense. Since they can't present anything real, and therefore participate in the peer review process, all they can do is fantasize in badly-written comic books like this one. | |
Sean | "The Bible says there's only one way to heaven!" so does every Holy Book of every religion. | |
Jessica | Sort of presumptuous about Frank there. He could totally come around and be saved before he dies. Isn't that the loophole your religion bases itself on? By the way, here's that book he pushes at the end of every one of his tracts and comics. We may cover it one day. |
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Conclusion⇑ ⇓
Sean | This really didn't need to be a crusaders installment. We didn't get any silly occult shenanigans, large scale conspiracy theories or homoeroticism from our leads. Plus these claims have been beaten into the ground so much they've hit the earth's core. A big round of applause to our special guest for sitting through this tripe with us! |
Jessica | Indeed! Thank you, Aron. It was truly an honor and a privilege. |
Jessica
Sean
Aron