Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire - TFY #09-03 (HPSS.03)
Art by Jonathan Kolsch - © 2004 Revival Fire Ministries
"Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire" is a full length comic book put out by Tim Todd's Revival Fires Ministries. Unlike his other entries in his "Truth for Youth" series, Harry Polarity attempts to simultaneously parody, criticize and cash-in on the Harry Potter Mania that was sweeping the nation back when this comic was first published. Despite not having a firm grasp of what the Harry Potter novels actually contain, it seems that Tim Todd and company seem to have a rather tenuous grasp on how the supposed witchcraft the novels are suppose to elicit in their readers would actually play out in real life. What we end up with is a Wonka-esque tumble down the rabbit hole that is equal parts half-baked cameos, horrible puns, and interdimensional travel that would give Dr. Who a run for his money. The $64 question seems to be "Does Tim Todd think this is how reality actually works?"
First Published: December 14th, 2012
Part 1
Commentators Jessica Sean Urvy
Introduction ⇑ ⇓
 Urvy |
Hi folks, my name is Urvy Jaramillo, and I was the lucky guy to find this comic online on a website after reading the preview pics at The Truth For Youth website. I wanted to find out what's it about, so I did a search and it was there. I read it for myself and saw how ridiculous it looked! Still, I am honored to be a part of this dissection, so let's get this show on the road, everypony! (Sorry for the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” joke. I am a brony, by the way.) |
 Sean |
Glad to have you on board Urvy. I would like to point out that we were aware of this comic's existence for a while, but were hesitant due to fear of copyright issues. Thankfully, we've learned that since this is both a parody and a review, it falls under fair use. Now let's just see what comedy gold we can mine out of this. |
Page 1 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
What? No “Truth About insert topic here” subtitle? Lord Vulgarmouth looks like an Asian version of The Joker from the 2004-2006 Batman show right here... “Deep Fat Fry Minnie and the others!?” SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! Looks like it's one of those “seems like yesterday” flashback stories, eh? On a side note, Ari is maybe a dead ringer for Stats from that safe sex comic... |
| Sean |
There's something really off about this panel, and I think it has something to do with the fact that Ari's looking at the camera. Hey Ari, maybe you should pay attention to your friend's imminent danger? No rush though, take your time. |
 Jessica |
It's good to know Ari has all the acting chops of a late 80's B-Porn movie actress. |
Page 2 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
AHHHH!!!!! MY EARS!!!! Way to almost make me deaf here, Ari! |
| Sean |
Ari has a point here, he's not shooting heroin, or playing hooky or anything like that. It seems that his only crime is not making worship his only past time. |
Page 3 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
His dad must have seen “The Exorcist” after he got that demon out... |
| Sean |
Demons, exorcisms and real witchcraft? I think it's time to update Dad's prescription. |
Page 4 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Again, I gotta side with Ari. His parents are seriously over reacting. Saying Harry Potter encourages kids to join Satanism is like saying that reading "The Hunger Games" encourages them to kill people. |
| Jessica |
People who are unduly influenced by media tend to have things really wrong with them upstairs. But it's not the media that causes the behavior. |
Page 5 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
I know that the real Harry Potter franchise has a theme park in Orlando, but this is ridiculous here! Did the artists use a DeLorean to go to the future? I know the theme park had rides and such, but an actual dedicated store? Heck, if I went to a dedicated Ghostbusters or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic store, I would go “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!” “Dr. Bella Verbosi”, eh? Looks like they had to combine a well-known name with a weird one. |
| Sean |
I want everyone to take a good look at this panel, because this is the perfect example of how silly Tim Todd comes across when he tries to appeal to the kids of today. First, we have pink haired Super Saiyan Harry Potter. Guess he thought he'd also take a stab at Dragonball Z. Second, we have his terrible parody names (because kids are totally going to get the Bela Legosi reference). And finally his laughable attempts at slang. Seriously, "Phat"? This comic was printed in 2004! That word was out of style even when I was a kid! |
Page 6 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Hang on... why is Ari flip flopping all the sudden? Just a few panes ago he was so adamant about how his parents were being oppressive, and now he suddenly agrees with them? While I did expect him to change by the end, we haven't even gotten to the actual witchcraft yet! Jumping the gun a bit aren't we Mr. Todd? |
| Jessica |
You can't rightly expect consistency in a place like this, now can you? |
Page 7 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Hey glowy guy, are you an angel or a Yu-Gi-Oh! Cosplayer? |
| Sean |
I dunno... looks more like something out of a Clamp manga to me. |
Page 8 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
I'm beginning to think that Ari's parents were somewhat right about this girl. She's leading Ari to break into restricted areas. Apparently she saw the sign above the door but not the big "Do not enter" warning. |
| Jessica |
It makes you wonder how this girl managed to get past the age of ten. "Stranger Danger" is a real thing, you know. |
Page 9 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
So, magic is all about guessing passwords while leaving clues behind? The person who worked on that store was running out of ideas, if you ask me. |
| Jessica |
I guess this store was designed by the creators behind Myst. |
| Sean |
Slammin, Diggity, Buggin'? Were these phrases ever popular? Because I would have been the target age group when this book came out, and I certainly don't remember anyone saying these. |
| Urvy |
I wonder how much those books would cost on eBay? Perhaps older than the 27th issue of Detective Comics or Amazing Fantasy with Spider-Man perhaps? |
Page 10 ⇑ ⇓
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| Sean |
Written by "Get Sirius"... I'll let Leonidas field this one. |
| Jessica |
...and just what the hell is a "Scribe Mage?" |
Page 11 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Hmmm, those Final Fantasy mages sure get extra paydays when they write books! |
| Sean |
Again with the misuse of speedlines. Surely someone on the creative team must have at least read one manga. |
| Urvy |
Is she calling Ari a hot dog or Winnie The Pooh? *Cue Metal Gear Solid spotted noise* |
Page 12 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Chanting in a employees only area? Weird, I thought it would have microwaves, vending machines and such like a normal employee lounge. |
| Sean |
Oh my god, the creators of Harry Potter are secretly in league with Ri-Chan! (No, I'm not letting that go. It's still a stupid name) |
Page 13 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
If I join a book club, I doubt that they would do freaky ceremonies with candles and pentagrams or pink sunglasses. Also, “brainstretching”? Is that like where they take out one's brain and stretch it like putty? |
| Sean |
Apparently Ari has "Velma's Disease". Wherein the subject is rendered completely sightless without eyeglasses. |
Page 14 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Is that thing a cross between the giant spider from “It” and Seth Brundle's Fly form from that Fly remake? |
| Jessica |
...together at last. |
| Sean |
"Clueless Areweus"? I know most chanting choruses in movies aren't actually speaking latin, but at least they make an effort to sound legit. |
Page 15 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Yeah, “Pigzits University”, real original there.. |
| Sean |
Wow! Ingrid the groundskeeper looks exactly the same as the cult leader we saw only a few seconds ago! |
| Jessica |
Kind of like this, I think. |
Page 16 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
I think I am thinking of that Cheers theme song when Minnie said that. Oh and Minnie, a Mr. Ron Stopable will see you in court for stealing his catch phrase. Speaking of lawsuits, I believe that “Magical Mystery Tour” quote is trademarked, Ingrid. |
| Sean |
So they learn everything about these kids, drug them, take their clothes off while they're sleeping, and then offer to run away from their parents and go to a world where their greatest desires come true. Am I the only one creeped out by this? |
| Jessica |
I'd like to once again reference my link above. "If you tell anybody... about our little secret... I'll kill your dog!" |
Page 17 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Looks like they're also stealing from Pink Floyd, but added wings to avoid a lawsuit, very clever, Mr. Todd. |
| Sean |
What the hell is up with Ari's face in the first panel? I guess they're trying to make him look amazed, but he comes off like he's opening wide for a money shot. This comic just keeps getting more and more inappropriate. |
| Jessica |
“Yaaay. ‘Donna Dommer!” |
Page 18 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
McDemonical... Sounds like a demon chain of fast food joints to me... |
| Sean |
Ari's parents have really good timing. I wonder what would have happened if they were praying while he was in the bathroom. |
| Jessica |
Lord knows prayer can't alleviate other problems encountered while in the bathroom. |
Page 19 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
This is somehow going into “They Live” territory, maybe Tim Todd saw that flick. |
| Sean |
"I'm here to chew gum and preach gospel. And I'm all outta gum!" |
Page 20 ⇑ ⇓
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| Jessica |
Nothing Christians like more than to feel special, huh? They have superior morality. They know things others don't. They see things others can't. Yes, dear. You are a special little snowflake. |
Page 21 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
”That thing is on the side of the plane!” |
| Sean |
...I'll let the stupidity of this scene speak for itself. |
| Jessica |
Hick-Haven. Yeah. Right. |
Page 22 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
There goes that flying pig again, how many appearances he'll make by the time this comic ends? |
| Sean |
Of course Minnie can cast that spell, it's not rocket science. In fact, it was really easy. Why would she even need to go to school if she already knows all the spells? |
| Jessica |
It has been pointed out in other sources that students in the Harry Potter universe don't actually study subjects like math or history as their lessons only cover magical topics. I'm guessing Pigzits is no different in this regard. |
Page 23 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Um, did Tim Todd start stealing the “crooked villain camera shot” from Batman there? |
| Jessica |
There's no humor like good 'ole meta-humor. What's with Ari's self awareness here? This isn't Deadpool. |
| Sean |
Of course not, Deadpool is actually funny. So you want these two to continue writing the books? Have you ever read anything by a 14 year old? Trust me, you'd get the same quality from publishing "My Immortal". |
Page 24 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Let's see, the spy council of ghosts consists of Porky Pig, Rapunzel, a Musketeer, and a head of a scarecrow king... Boy, even though this story is parody, there's lots of copyright violations here, then again, parody is protected by the First Amendment anyway. |
| Jessica |
Lucky for us. |
| Urvy |
”I am a Gandalf wannabe”, heh, mocking Dumbledore by calling him a Gandalf ripoff, how interesting. |
| Sean |
Wait, I thought they just told us that Hairy was fictitious. Consistent much? |
Page 25 ⇑ ⇓
Page 26 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
Is that Charizard coming out of that wand to attack that demon? |
| Sean |
Is this flying pig meant to be the Tim Todd version of Fang? I can see why it didn't catch on. |
| Jessica |
"Hurtem Hoaxus!" I know J.K. Rowing's particular flavor of Dog Latin is nothing like actual Latin, but it passes a hell of a lot better than this nonsense. |
Page 27 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
”High Five, Man!” |
| Sean |
Well these demons are easy to defeat: Just send The Todd after them. |
Page 28 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
There goes that pig again! |
| Sean |
So you followed an mysterious note, signed by a fictional character, into a back alley behind the store? Jesus, this is making the bike shop owner from Diff'rent Strokes look like a calculating genius. |
Page 29 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
”Occult Odd Squad, in Color!” |
| Sean |
Madonna Dahmer's got a bit of a mouth on him. |
| Jessica |
Tim Todd gets some serious mileage out of his character archetypes, doesn't he? |
Page 30 ⇑ ⇓
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| Urvy |
A diarrhea spell? Is this comic lacking originality, or is this me? |
| Sean |
No, I think it's just become self aware about what it is. |
| Jessica |
"Don't strain yourself. We're just mailing this one in." |
Further Reading ⇑
- Product page at Revival Fire Ministries
- ⚜ Vintage Page
- → On to Part 2
Jessica
Sean
Urvy