The Marriage Mess


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» June 8, 2023
Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios


The Marriage Mess

The Marriage Mess

Chapter 7B - SHHHHH! (Continued) which Helen's reciprocation is likewise examined.


  Jessica   Andrew  





Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Commentators Jessica Andrew

oPage 1

Page 1 AndrewAndrew I wonder why he felt the need to have a separate conclusion for chapter 7. (We're just following the original order).
JessicaJessica I guess the idea was one for men, one for women.

AndrewAndrew If you can call that a woman. It looks like she's grown a little soul patch on her lower lip.


o Page 2

Page 2 JessicaJessica "More Butter!"

Here she complains that Frank doesn't have sex with her, but in panel 4, she doesn't want it at all. I know Frank's no spring chicken, but she's fat, and she's old. And she's a harridan. She looks like my grandmother. My long-dead grandmother.


o Page 3

Page 3 AndrewAndrew "As attractive as possible." Considering there isn't much to work with.
JessicaJessica Can't polish a turd. "He needs to be gentle and loving, unlike the usual punch-you-in-the-face and sling-you-over-the-shoulder."


o Page 4

Page 4 JessicaJessica I don't care how much you dress it up, I don't think sex would be an act of beauty between these two things. Even her silhouette is hideous.

And actually, while on the topic of this conversation. Andrew? Have you ever sat down and had a heart-to-heart talk with YOUR sister and explained to her how important and beautiful the fulfillment of her marital duties can be? Because I know how it can in no way be awkward to discuss what your siblings do with their significant others in the confines of their bedrooms.


o Page 5

Page 5 JessicaJessica It's a sin to withhold sex from your husband... your unshaven, non-deodorant wearing husband.
AndrewAndrew Chastity is more important at some times than at other times.


o Page 6

Page 6 AndrewAndrew Uh oh, "middle age syndrome."Is that like a mid-life crisis?
JessicaJessica We all know how that is... soon he'll want a ferrari and will develop prostate cancer.
AndrewAndrew Unfortunately, he won't be appealing to the young ladies.
JessicaJessica It's not like he's rich, or succesful... or clean. I know gold-diggers are a varied bunch, but there has to be something.
AndrewAndrew There has to be some gold to dig.
JessicaJessica And this guy is about one step up from an unshaved baboon's ass.


o Page 7

Page 7 JessicaJessica Frank? Fall? Who'da thunk it? The man is an avatar of iron will.
AndrewAndrew You can't really fall when you're lying passed out on the ground.
JessicaJessica Isn't this the second time he's brought up David and Bathsheeba?
AndrewAndrew There's no horse like a dead horse.
JessicaJessica "In his most dangerous years"? That doesn't make any sense, even from a Christian perspective.
AndrewAndrew It's like the Wonder Years, only... not.


o Page 8

Page 8 JessicaJessica How to hold him? Big, heavy manacles.
AndrewAndrew Ever seen or read Stephen King's Misery? Yeah, that.


o Page 9

Page 9 AndrewAndrew He'll leave you for the television set, you know it!
JessicaJessica "Be wary of women. ALL women. He'll fuck around the first chance he gets. He's probably doing it as we speak. Beware!"

Mark has apparently grown a dorsal fin. He kinda reminds me of that one lead Gremlin.


o Page 10

Page 10 JessicaJessica Yeeeeeeeah. I don't think she's quite getting it.
AndrewAndrew Try harder!
JessicaJessica "I try to improve my smell by wallowing in pig filth."
AndrewAndrew Do it when you're alone... nobody wants to see that shit!
JessicaJessica "Some of us are trying to eat.. or drink, rather."

Jack Chick was clearly going for some kind of doe-eyed look here, but her face is too full of pudding.


o Page 11

Page 11 JessicaJessica "Willing to give his life for you"... yeah right.
AndrewAndrew "Into the position of the church," is that a euphemism? "Uh, yeah baby, take it like a church!"

"Your steeple is digging into my hip."
JessicaJessica The Grim Reaper's about to fuck Mark's shit up something fierce. He's about to get "called home".

Once again, I am not what you'd call a feminist, but I really don't get all this stuff.


o Page 12

Page 12 AndrewAndrew This directly contradicts what he tells Pat in chapter 5. To Pat, he says that if her husband gives 50%, she needs to give 150%... I guess to make up the slack. He sounds almost somewhat reasonable here, if only by comparison.
JessicaJessica That's saying something, since he still sounds like a raving loon. "It's the little things that count, Helen, like trying to look nice and smell good." You know, the stuff you should be doing anyway?
AndrewAndrew Did everyone in the 70s just stink to high heaven that they need to be told this stuff?
JessicaJessica "Go to the bathroom! Eat three meals!" It seriously took a Christian to get them to clean themselves?
AndrewAndrew These people are all like The Sims, where they have to be told to do everything or they'll just starve to death in a pool of their own filth.


o Page 13

Page 13 JessicaJessica Don't tell your husband he's got a little willy! He could develop some real problems, like homosexuality!
AndrewAndrew Everyone seems to appreciate constantly being lectured all the time.
JessicaJessica In the real world, Brad would have told him to fuck himself. Gloria would have kicked him in the balls.
AndrewAndrew That would have made for a more entertaining comic.


o Page 14

Page 14 JessicaJessica Due to her indoctrination, she has now been canonized as well.
AndrewAndrew "I'll be a great wife!"seems a little late to start.
JessicaJessica Yeah, she's... well, how old is Billy? He must be in his early 30s.
AndrewAndrew Then again, it is the '70s, everyone looked old before their time.
JessicaJessica Then again, with Billy's age, it's more like "in which panel?"


o Page 15

Page 15 JessicaJessica She's like a grossly inflated Patty Duke. Or like Phyllis Diller and Dr. Phil.
AndrewAndrew With a tuft of hair in the middle of his head, he'd look something like Burt from Sesame Street.
JessicaJessica I like the hearts, it's a nice touch: "we exude love."

You know, with all the beauty advice Mark gave her, he never told her to stop prancing around the house in floral-print muu-muus.