The Marriage Mess

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Last Updated:

» June 8, 2023
Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

 

The Marriage Mess

The Marriage Mess

Chapter 7A - SHHHHH!


...in which Frank's devotion to his wife is questioned and evaluated.


CommentatorsCommentators

  Jessica   Andrew  

Jessica

 

Andrew

 

Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29

o CommentatorsJessicaAndrew Page 1

Page 1  
   

 

o Page 2

Page 2 AndrewAndrew The dead walk the earth!
   
JessicaJessica I'd do her.
   
   

 

o Page 3

Page 3 AndrewAndrew Frank looks... diabolical. "Heh heh heh. Yeah, baby, yeah!"
   
JessicaJessica I can't imagine I've ever looked like that while watching television. And I've seen things you couldn't think up in your worst nightmares.
   
   

 

o Page 4

Page 4 AndrewAndrew Explosive... like diarrhea.
   
   

 

o Page 5

Page 5 JessicaJessica GOOD NIGHT MARK!!!!
   
AndrewAndrew "Take the hint, jerk!"
   
   

 

o Page 6

Page 6 JessicaJessica Ach!!! Zombies!!!
   
AndrewAndrew Mark refuses to take the hint.
   
JessicaJessica Yeah, it really is amazing how late-night, softcore porn can cut into your sleep schedule.
   
   

 

o Page 7

Page 7 AndrewAndrew "I'm only trying to help... it's not that I'm just trying to force my beliefs on you or anything..."

"Oh, wait, I lied, actually I am- but first, how's the old in-and-out going for ya?"
   
JessicaJessica He sounds like a TV commerical all right. I keep hoping Mark will start quoting an Enzyte commerical. "Try the once daily tablet for natural male enhancement..."
   
   

 

o Page 8

Page 8 AndrewAndrew "We've secretly replaced Frank with a bag of hair clippings from a barber shop. Let's see if Mark notices!"
   
JessicaJessica Come on, Frank. Tell us how you really feel. Are you telling me Helen isn't an absolute minx in the sack?
   
   

 

o Page 9

Page 9 AndrewAndrew You know, I can't say I've heard that euphemism before.
   
JessicaJessica There's trouble in River City!!! RIVER CITY RANSOM!!!
   
AndrewAndrew Barf!
   
JessicaJessica You could say that. But it still wouldn't make any damn sense.
   

 

o Page 10

Page 10 JessicaJessica If your wife is an ugly hog beast.. you'd better butter her bread unless you're dying...
   
AndrewAndrew So Frank is one of those guys who doesn't like to have sex with his wife.
   
JessicaJessica Rarer than unicorns.
   
AndrewAndrew Again we've got the weird placement emphasis. "Are you kidding?" "No, Frank, the Bible is kidding! Wakka wakka wakka!"
   

 

o Page 11

Page 11 JessicaJessica If you have regular sex with your wife you won't want to do it with anyone else... solid logic to me!
   
AndrewAndrew Then again, a schweinhund like Frank doesn't exactly seem like a ladies man.
   
   

 

o Page 12

Page 12 JessicaJessica So we have three enemies, huh?

1) The World - This basically means that you have to be as out of touch with modern society as possible.

2) The Lust of the Flesh - God gave you natural biological urges to promote the propagation of the species... but he doesn't want you to use it!

3) The Devil - An invisible boogeyman in red tights whom God allows to screw with you for cheap shits and giggles. Hell, just read the book of Job.
   
   

 

o Page 13

Page 13 AndrewAndrew Mark has weak points? What are they? Is there something about this dapper gentleman we aren't being told? Is it his obscene consumption of coffee?
   
JessicaJessica "After all I am human." Don't flatter yourself, buddy.
   
   

 

o Page 14

Page 14 AndrewAndrew Wonderful drawing of a blender. Also, there is some stuff in the background.
   
JessicaJessica Yeah! If we just do it like the Bible says, our natural biological urges will dissapear! That's why Reparative Therapy is so useful for curing The Gay!
   
   

 

o Page 15

Page 15 JessicaJessica Nothing gets you out of the mood quicker than reading the Bible.
   
AndrewAndrew Always works for me.
   
   

 

o Page 16

Page 16 AndrewAndrew "Drink waters out of thine own cistern." Does that mean... ew. I doubt Frank's flexible enough for that anyway.
   
   

o Page 17

Page 17 AndrewAndrew Actually, it's my girlfriend, Rosy Palmer! And her five sisters!
   
JessicaJessica That's right, Frank. Your wife! Good job! You've earned a toffee!!! Just let me wipe the drool from your chin with this paper towel first.
   
   

o Page 18

Page 18 JessicaJessica Mark, that could be because she's an incessant nag.
   
   

o Page 19

Page 19 AndrewAndrew "Who doesn't? Last year's office party, right? No, no, it was during the Olympics. Er, wait.."
   
   

o Page 20

Page 20 JessicaJessica "...in other words, it died!" Yes, we know Mark. You've already used that nonsensical euphemism numerous times already.

So... if your wife is upset... knock her up? Because thus far Frank has just been knocking her down. He's got the whole thing backwards.
   
AndrewAndrew As it is, this family already has more than enough kids. Hell, for these people, ANY kids are too many.
   
   

o Page 21

Page 21 JessicaJessica I think it's cute how they dress up for the Jehova's Witnesses.
   
   

o Page 22

Page 22 AndrewAndrew You know, it honestly took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on in this panel.
   
JessicaJessica I think a hairy knuckle dragger is brushing a piece of cheese.
   
AndrewAndrew Take THAT, orderly layout!
   
JessicaJessica Let me take a quick stab at what that label says... "Best Mustard. Loaded."
   
AndrewAndrew I'm sure the best mustard IS loaded mustard.
   

o Page 23

Page 23 AndrewAndrew Wait, so Frank doesn't use deodorant now?
   
JessicaJessica Can't you tell? You can practically SEE the stink lines!

"Will a ham and swiss sandwich and some grape soda do?"
   
   

o Page 24

Page 24 JessicaJessica "Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled..." so says the book of... ummm... Hirireine. I don't even know. I zoomed in on that thing and there is no way that says "Hebrews." Maybe Mark is using an Coptic Bible or something.
   
   

o Page 25

Page 25 AndrewAndrew Nothing says "romance" like this image right here.
   
JessicaJessica Om, nom, nom, nom. He's just trying to inhale that sandwich.

"... and he won't make her sleep in the wet spot, either!"
   
   

o Page 26

Page 26 AndrewAndrew "Yes, that sandwich was indeed filling and satisfying."
   
JessicaJessica "Let me give you just one or two more goodies..." Man, this guy's font of marital wisdom just runneth over. You'd think Frank would be well beyond the point by now of entertaining this guy while he criticizes his performance in the bedroom.
   
   

o Page 27

Page 27 AndrewAndrew Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes its just inappropriate PDA.
   
JessicaJessica She'll be proud her husband loves her enough to squeeze her hand. What can we say, her expectations are just that low.
   
   

o Page 28

Page 25 JessicaJessica "Don't embarass Helen about her weight" ...she does a good enough job of that herself. The woman should learn the healing powers of dark colors and vertical stripes.
   
   

o Page 29

Page 25 AndrewAndrew He needs the husband's permission to talk to Helen... who is, after all, Mark's blood relative.
   
JessicaJessica Mark is "avoiding the appearances of evil" so that no one will suspect any inpropriety. Actually... eeewwwwww...