Chapter 3 - The Ugly Truth
...in which Brad's indiscretions run him afoul of the law.
CommentatorsJessicaAndrew Page 1 ⇑ ⇓
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 Andrew |
"Well I don't want to be a hypocrite!" Like his father, I guess... but I don't know what that has to do with closing your eyes. If you really break his statement down it doesn't make a lot of sense. |
 Jessica |
Pointless, repetitive ritual is good for you. Builds character. | |
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Andrew |
Frank Miller. Writer, artist, director- and now child-abuser. |
| Jessica |
Frank can barely restrain himself from uppercutting that kid into the next panel. Shoryu-ken! Everone has become just a bunch of floating torsos. |
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Andrew |
Oh, I guess it's the morning of the next day. I thought it was still dinnertime. |
| Jessica |
I like how everyone in this panel is so mad, except for Helen. "Have a nice day!" | |
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JessicaJessica |
Yeah, pucker up big boy! |
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Andrew |
Another half-hearted background. It blends smoothly into Helen's skirt/mumu/thing. |
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Andrew |
Again with the intricate flowers. I think Chick missed his calling as an illustrator in gardening magazines. |
| Jessica |
Someone must have blown a hole in their roof to create an impromptu sky light. He'd better watch that. He could get a melanoma. | |
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Andrew |
You know, I don't have any personal experience with this, but 50 pounds of weed is a lot. Let's repeat that. 50. Fucking. Pounds. Setting aside that Brad himself can't weigh much more than 60 pounds at most when soaking wet and badly constipated, being caught with that amount would send anyone to prison for a LONG time. These cops aren't just being nice, they're failing to do their jobs. |
| Jessica |
Is the implication that Mark prayed for Brad to smoke pot, or for Brad to get caught? | |
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Andrew |
I like the attenuated "Gulp." Jeez, the fourth time? And this is his first offense? |
| Jessica |
He didn't know they were using drugs. He must have made the honest mistake that those were 50 lb. bales of Oregano! Can happen to anyone. "I'm a cousin visiting the family." In other words you are interrogating him outside the presence of his parents or guardians and all of this is pointless. You're not going to haul him in because you're nice guys, you're leaving him because you just blew your damn case. An AIRTIGHT case if he actually had 50 POUNDS of weed on him! Repeat offense at that! |
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Andrew |
Why are they thanking him again? Also, no "e" in lousy. |
| Jessica |
"You are doing a great service" ...letting underage drug czars off with a slap on the wrist. "Call us if we can be of any further help" ...like if you want us to just shoot the little bastard. |
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Andrew |
This kid could not BE more ugly if he was just a walking pile of vomit. He's got so many teeth he can't even close his mouth. |
| Jessica |
Grrrrrr... Someone needs to call the city. Someone's pug is on the loose. "I was saved last year" ...and that MAKES ME ANGRY!!! I thought you couldn't be a Christian UNLESS you were saved. This logic train makes no damn sense. |
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Andrew |
"Honey, the roof's talking again!" What trouble did Mark ever get into- trouble that he caused, anyway? Is there a string of illegitimate infants all across Africa? |
| Jessica |
"Brad, I have done shit that would turn you WHITE! When you stare into the darkness, the darkness stares right back at you! I have been to the cliffs of madness and given myself over to their blasphemous embrace! When I finally came to my senses I realized I had become more animal than man. A beast wearing a mere fleshly mask of righteousness! It was on that cold and black day I swore to the heavens above that I would never again keep another overdue library book!" | |
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Andrew |
Hmm... Usually Chick uses a little asterisk and a footnote when he wants to tell us a bible verse. Here, it's kind of clumsily inserted, and in a different typeface. I guess they couldn't fit it into the panel. I like to imagine Mark tacking it on sotto voce. |
| Jessica |
"God makes no deals!" So if your parents want to... say... slaughter you as a burnt offering, then you damn well better go along with it! | |
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Andrew |
Ah, here we have an asterisk and the verse. |
| Jessica |
"Yeah, Mark? Well what I said is found in Psalms 85:2, Psalms 103:11-12, Romans 4:7, 1 John 2:12, Mark 3:28. So who's right? Huh? The Bible can't possibly contradict itself, now can it?!?!?" And I don't need no damn asterisks! So there!!! |
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Andrew |
Ho hum, talking windows. |
| Jessica |
"It's all about judgement or reward!! You'll get a whole bunch of neat shit when you die! Or else you'll get a white hot poker shoved up your ass for all eternity! GOD IS LOVE!!!" "Christians don't want to hear about it. They don't want to even face it!" Everyone knows what rational introspection does to religion! |
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Jessica |
"The Lord Jesus will show us how every act we did influenced the people watching us" ...then he'll flush our asses! |
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Jessica |
It looks like he's got a wad of CHAW!! |
| Andrew |
He's got his mother's cheeks, that's for sure. | |
| Jessica |
Standing there shaking with his cheeks all puffed out. It would be pretty funny if this was actually the build up to Brad projectile vomiting pea soup all over Mark. "Let me tell you about HIS influence.... BLLLLLAAAARRRGGHHHH!" |
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Andrew |
"Do you know he actually bought it?" People go to liquor stores to buy liquor, not for the atmosphere. |
| Jessica |
BRAAWWW-AAWWWKKKK!!! Someone needs to play "The Chicken Dance" in the background of this panel. Empty bottles in paper bags in a trash barrel outside of a liquor store. SOMEBODY call Guinness. |
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Andrew |
Frank goes from fat to thin in a few panels. |
| Jessica |
Or perhaps that's the best he can do for "perspective"... I love how hairy all of his anatagonists are. That and they have huge jew noses. Then when they get saved they look clean and pretty. | |
| Andrew |
Helen likes being told to butt out. | |
| Jessica |
"Please sir, can I have another?" | |
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Andrew |
Fu Manchu will destroy you all! |
| Jessica |
Frank does appear to be silently plotting their destruction. "When all the world is mine, your suffering shall be unparalleled in the annals of human history!" |
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Jessica |
Frank is getting "Jiggy" with it. Boogie down, Frank. Solid logic here. "I set that puppy on fire because you JAYWALK!!!" Let's get a bit of perspective here people. |
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Andrew |
Wah wah wah waaaaaaah. |
| Jessica |
The kid's all like "Meh... What me, worry?" A healthy prison sentence is just what I could use right about now! "You two have something in common." You have absolutely no grasp of common sense. Oh, yeah. I am sure this is kid is under LOADS of pressure. The fourth grade can be a real jungle! Also, Mark looks downright happy at this ridiculousness. |
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Jessica |
"Good night, if the church found out I drink vodka..." "I don't have a way to finish that sentence." |
| Andrew |
"Whew, just the police. I was worried there for a sec." | |
| Jessica |
Then again, with the cops in this podunk town... "How can I respect you when you stare at Sandy's friends! You should be staring at mine, like I do!" Maybe... I don't know... if Sandy and company weren't nude sunbathing in the back yard... Also, Sandy has girlfriends... niiiicccceeee... |
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Andrew |
You know, they've never implied that the father is an alcoholic, only that he drinks vodka. It's not like he's using heroin. But the kid definately shouldn't be smoking 50 pounds of hash, whether his father drinks or not. Moral decisions don't work that way. "If you don't stop doing that, I won't stop doing this, even if it could land me in jail for the rest of my youth." (Not that I'm necessarily anti-pot, only that kids shouldn't use it.) |
| Jessica |
"Tell ya what, pops. If you can whip me in a round of arm wrestling, i'll give up the Ganj. Otherwise, your booze stash is mine. Deal?" To quote Frank himself, "That kid needs a good beating!" |
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Jessica |
Now that I see Frank kneeling down, it looks like Brad is about three feet tall, which might explain why he's so chubby. Or maybe he's a hobbit. |
| Andrew |
Frank's got a point... the kid is a little SOB. Doesn't say much for his wife, though. | |
Jessica
Andrew