The Marriage Mess
Chapter 4 - Murder?
...in which an unplanned pregnancy tests the Miller's moral fiber.
CommentatorsJessicaAndrew Page 1 ⇑ ⇓
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 Andrew |
More intricate flowers. Also, Sandy is the most consistently humanoid one out of the bunch. |
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 Jessica |
The whisps seem to follow Sandy around. Now they aren't in front of her, they're behind her. |
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Page 2 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
Mom's already nodding off in mid-sentence. Not a good sign. |
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Page 3 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
"Oh noes!" |
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| Jessica |
She's teh preggers!!! |
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Page 4 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
A look of abject horror not unknown among those who have survived wartime atrocities. |
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| Jessica |
Very Edvard Munch. Or "La Pieta" in reverse. |
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Page 5 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
"Dear Lord, give me wisdom!": I think that's Christian-speak for "Holy Crap!"
"How could you do this to me?" That's it, it's all about you, mom. |
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Page 6 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
Yes, the Miller good name is ruined. Your alcoholic, child-abusing husband will have his reputation ruined in the comunity by his pre-maritally pregnant daughter. |
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| Andrew |
They'll overlook all the other stuff, but the strumpet is the straw that broke the camel's back! |
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Page 7 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Oh dear, could this all be a desperate plea for attention? Stay tuned to find out more! |
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| Jessica |
Look at the pudgy sausages on mom! Her fingers look like cuban cigars! |
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Page 8 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
"Oh hell no, we give her a good smacking, it keeps her in line." |
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Page 9 ⇑ ⇓
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AndrewJessica |
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Page 10 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Frank looks distinctly... I dunno, Mickey Mouse-ish in this panel. |
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| Jessica |
He looks like he's trying to swallow that phone. Also notice again the hair on his knuckles. |
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Page 11 ⇑ ⇓
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AndrewJessica |
Also, he's gotta pee real bad. |
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Page 12 ⇑ ⇓
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AndrewJessica |
Oh, there's no irony like HEAVY HAM-FISTED irony! |
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Page 13 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
"Or at least, some of us are." |
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| Jessica |
It looks like Frank has been constantly vibrating since he got the news. Or his head is swiveling a full 360 degrees on his shoulders. |
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Page 14 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
Frank isn't going to say it, so i'll just say it for him... "DUUUUURRRRRRR..." Or maybe he's constipated. |
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Page 15 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
She has absolutely no idea? Man, not good. |
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| Jessica |
How in the world did this honestly happen to her? Did they run a train on her down at vacation Bible school? Is she the church's bicycle? At least now we know why she's always the last one into the car.
"I have absolutely no idea! It could have been anyone at that church, except you. Of course there was that one time I was blind-folded..." |
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Page 16 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
You don't need stage directions in your illustration. |
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| Andrew |
It's never a lively silence, either. Those are much more fun. |
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| Jessica |
Frank just realize a six inch tarantula just crawled up his ass. |
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Page 17 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
As mom calls her "S.O.B." under her breath. Once again, she's humiliated them?
If she'd take a good, long look at her parents and siblings she'd realize just how horrific the concept of her procreating truly is. The father could be an Adonis and she's still end up having flipper babies. The gene pool is shallow at this end. |
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Page 18 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
This cousin is so ridiculous- flawless in every way. |
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| Jessica |
He's a strawman just like all the other characters... |
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Page 19 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
I like the labels. A nametag would be even sweeter. "Hi, my name is Jesus." |
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| Jessica |
Looks like Peter can conjure the ether too. Maybe I've been thinking about this all wrong. Maybe this is a "gift of the spirit." |
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Page 20 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Nevertheless, it took them two hours to forgive her. What happened in the intervening time? More yelling, I presume? |
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| Jessica |
Jesus saying "forgive him seventy times" can't be stretched out into 120 minutes. Sunday services don't go on that long. |
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Page 21 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
"Don't be ridiculous!"?
Too late. |
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Page 22 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Well, you knew this was going to come up eventually.
"Let's do something that violates our belief system!", "Why?", "Because it's legal!" |
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| Jessica |
Considering there's probably about 15 years between Billy and Brad, if Helen had to raise another kid from infancy right now she'd be in the grave before he'd be out of diapers. And you don't honestly think Sandy's going to do it, do you? |
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Page 23 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Does Mark like, sit up at night and memorize scripture? Actually, yeah, he probably does. |
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| Jessica |
So according to Luke, a child's a child at six months. But according to Jeremiah, a child's a child before it's even conceived...
...this isn't a particularly convincing argument. |
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Page 24 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
"I'd like to read a little story to you..." Isn't that what he's been doing since he got off the plane?
I love how he walks her through the pregnancy.... Yeah kid, that's how it'll be for you. |
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| Andrew |
You WILL have a girl. And if you don't... |
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| Jessica |
"And I will love flowers"?
Well, who wouldn't, when they are so well drawn? |
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Page 25 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
The word for that expression is "beatific." |
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| Jessica |
This may be a post-apocalyptic wastland, given how the clouds are so low over the horizon. |
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| Andrew |
And how can she embrace her father, when even Sandy doesn't know who he is? |
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Page 26 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
I think what Sandy's actually fantasizing is the possibility of one day being blonde. |
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| Jessica |
You have a pregnancy under your heart and the doctor didn't do anything about this? That demands immediate corrective surgery!
"My mom's thinking of a name for me. My dad's probably thinking about college." |
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Page 27 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
The child's only five years old and it looks like she's already fashioning a crude noose. |
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Page 28 ⇑ ⇓
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Andrew |
Well, if the kid's been murdered, who's writing the diary? Riddle me this! |
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| Jessica |
"How horrible! SOB"
I'd call him an S.O.B. too. |
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Page 29 ⇑ ⇓
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Jessica |
"I'm sorry, since you're a girl, this isn't your decision." |
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| Andrew |
Sandy's so mad she's starting to stink. |
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Page 30 ⇑
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Jessica |
False alarm...
Read: "I just had my PERIOD!!! DUN-DUN-DUUUNNNN" |
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| Andrew |
Oh boy... it might have been a good idea to figure that out before telling her hair-trigger father. |
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| Jessica |
Did the Lord bless her with a spontaneous abortion? It happens in one out of four pregnancies. Behold the power of prayer! It saves them the trouble of throwing her down the stairs. Also, it doesn't deal with the problem of her "extracurricular activities."
We've dealt with the symptom, but not the disease. |
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Talk Amongst Yourselves