Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire

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» January 29, 2024
Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

Cover

Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire - TFY #012 (HPSS)
Art by Tim Todd- © 2004 Revival Fire Ministries

"Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire" is a full length comic book put out by Tim Todd's Revival Fires Ministries. Unlike his other entries in his "Truth for Youth" series, Harry Polarity attempts to simultaneously parody, criticize and cash-in on the Harry Potter Mania that was sweeping the nation back when this comic was first published. Despite not having a firm grasp of what the Harry Potter novels actually contain, it seems that Tim Todd and company seem to have a rather tenuous grasp on how the supposed witchcraft the novels are suppose to elicit in their readers would actually play out in real life. What we end up with is a Wonka-esque tumble down the rabbit hole that is equal parts half-baked cameos, horrible puns, and interdimensional travel that would give Dr. Who a run for his money. The $64 question seems to be "Does Tim Todd think this is how reality actually works?"


First Published: December 14th, 2012


Part 1

CommentatorsCommentators

  Jessica   Sean   Urvy  

Jessica

 

Sean

 

Urvy

 


Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Commentators Jessica Sean Urvy

o Introduction

UrvyUrvy Hi folks, my name is Urvy Jaramillo, and I was the lucky guy to find this comic online on a website after reading the preview pics at The Truth For Youth website.   I wanted to find out what's it about, so I did a search and it was there.   I read it for myself and saw how ridiculous it looked!  Still, I am honored to be a part of this dissection, so let's get this show on the road, everypony!   (Sorry for the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” joke. I am a brony, by the way.)
   
SeanSean Glad to have you on board Urvy. I would like to point out that we were aware of this comic's existence for a while, but were hesitant due to fear of copyright issues. Thankfully, we've learned that since this is both a parody and a review, it falls under fair use.  Now let's just see what comedy gold we can mine out of this.

 

oPage 1

Page 1
 
UrvyUrvy What? No “Truth About insert topic here” subtitle?   Lord Vulgarmouth looks like an Asian version of The Joker from the 2004-2006 Batman show right here...  

“Deep Fat Fry Minnie and the others!?”   SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

Looks like it's one of those “seems like yesterday” flashback stories, eh?

On a side note, Ari is maybe a dead ringer for Stats from that safe sex comic...
   
SeanSean There's something really off about this panel, and I think it has something to do with the fact that Ari's looking at the camera. Hey Ari, maybe you should pay attention to your friend's imminent danger? No rush though, take your time.
   
JessicaJessica It's good to know Ari has all the acting chops of a late 80's B-Porn movie actress.

 

o Page 2

Page 2
 
UrvyUrvy AHHHH!!!!!  MY EARS!!!!  Way to almost make me deaf here, Ari!
   
SeanSean Ari has a point here, he's not shooting heroin, or playing hooky or anything like that. It seems that his only crime is not making worship his only past time.

 

o Page 3

Page 3
 
JessicaJessica His dad must have seen “The Exorcist” after he got that demon out...
   
SeanSean Demons, exorcisms and real witchcraft? I think it's time to update Dad's prescription.

 

o Page 4

Page 4
 
SeanSean Again, I gotta side with Ari. His parents are seriously over reacting. Saying Harry Potter encourages kids to join Satanism is like saying that reading "The Hunger Games" encourages them to kill people.
   
JessicaJessica People who are unduly influenced by media tend to have things really wrong with them upstairs. But it's not the media that causes the behavior.

 

o Page 5

Page 5
 
UrvyUrvy I know that the real Harry Potter franchise has a theme park in Orlando, but this is ridiculous here!   Did the artists use a DeLorean to go to the future?   I know the theme park had rides and such, but an actual dedicated store?   Heck, if I went to a dedicated Ghostbusters or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic store, I would go “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!”

“Dr. Bella Verbosi”, eh?   Looks like they had to combine a well-known name with a weird one.
   
SeanSean I want everyone to take a good look at this panel, because this is the perfect example of how silly Tim Todd comes across when he tries to appeal to the kids of today. First, we have pink haired Super Saiyan Harry Potter. Guess he thought he'd also take a stab at Dragonball Z. Second, we have his terrible parody names (because kids are totally going to get the Bela Legosi reference). And finally his laughable attempts at slang. Seriously, "Phat"? This comic was printed in 2004! That word was out of style even when I was a kid!

 

o Page 6

Page 6
 
SeanSean Hang on... why is Ari flip flopping all the sudden? Just a few panes ago he was so adamant about how his parents were being oppressive, and now he suddenly agrees with them? While I did expect him to change by the end, we haven't even gotten to the actual witchcraft yet! Jumping the gun a bit aren't we Mr. Todd?
   
JessicaJessica You can't rightly expect consistency in a place like this, now can you?

 

o Page 7

Page 7
 
UrvyUrvy Hey glowy guy, are you an angel or a Yu-Gi-Oh! Cosplayer?
   
SeanSean I dunno... looks more like something out of a Clamp manga to me.

 

o Page 8

Page 8
 
SeanSean I'm beginning to think that Ari's parents were somewhat right about this girl. She's leading Ari to break into restricted areas. Apparently she saw the sign above the door but not the big "Do not enter" warning.
   
JessicaJessica It makes you wonder how this girl managed to get past the age of ten. "Stranger Danger" is a real thing, you know.

 

o Page 9

Page 9
 
UrvyUrvy So, magic is all about guessing passwords while leaving clues behind?   The person who worked on that store was running out of ideas, if you ask me.
   
JessicaJessica I guess this store was designed by the creators behind Myst.
   
SeanSean Slammin, Diggity, Buggin'? Were these phrases ever popular? Because I would have been the target age group when this book came out, and I certainly don't remember anyone saying these.
   
UrvyUrvy I wonder how much those books would cost on eBay?   Perhaps older than the 27th issue of Detective Comics or Amazing Fantasy with Spider-Man perhaps?

 

o Page 10

Page 10
 
SeanSean Written by "Get Sirius"... I'll let Leonidas field this one.
   
JessicaJessica ...and just what the hell is a "Scribe Mage?"

 

o Page 11

Page 11
 
UrvyUrvy Hmmm, those Final Fantasy mages sure get extra paydays when they write books!
   
SeanSean Again with the misuse of speedlines. Surely someone on the creative team must have at least read one manga.
   
UrvyUrvy Is she calling Ari a hot dog or Winnie The Pooh?

*Cue Metal Gear Solid spotted noise*

 

o Page 12

Page 12
 
UrvyUrvy Chanting in a employees only area?   Weird, I thought it would have microwaves, vending machines and such like a normal employee lounge.
   
SeanSean Oh my god, the creators of Harry Potter are secretly in league with Ri-Chan! (No, I'm not letting that go. It's still a stupid name)

 

o Page 13

Page 13
 
UrvyUrvy If I join a book club, I doubt that they would do freaky ceremonies with candles and pentagrams or pink sunglasses. Also, “brainstretching”?  Is that like where they take out one's brain and stretch it like putty?
   
SeanSean Apparently Ari has "Velma's Disease". Wherein the subject is rendered completely sightless without eyeglasses.

 

o Page 14

Page 14
 
UrvyUrvy Is that thing a cross between the giant spider from “It” and Seth Brundle's Fly form from that Fly remake?
   
JessicaJessica ...together at last.
   
SeanSean "Clueless Areweus"? I know most chanting choruses in movies aren't actually speaking latin, but at least they make an effort to sound legit.

 

o Page 15

Page 15
 
UrvyUrvy Yeah, “Pigzits University”, real original there..
   
SeanSean Wow! Ingrid the groundskeeper looks exactly the same as the cult leader we saw only a few seconds ago!
   
JessicaJessica Kind of like this, I think.

 

o Page 16

Page 16
 
UrvyUrvy I think I am thinking of that Cheers theme song when Minnie said that. Oh and Minnie, a Mr. Ron Stopable will see you in court for stealing his catch phrase.

Speaking of lawsuits, I believe that “Magical Mystery Tour” quote is trademarked, Ingrid.
   
SeanSean So they learn everything about these kids, drug them, take their clothes off while they're sleeping, and then offer to run away from their parents and go to a world where their greatest desires come true. Am I the only one creeped out by this?
   
JessicaJessica I'd like to once again reference my link above.

"If you tell anybody... about our little secret... I'll kill your dog!"

 

o Page 17

Page 17
 
UrvyUrvy Looks like they're also stealing from Pink Floyd, but added wings to avoid a lawsuit, very clever, Mr. Todd.
   
SeanSean What the hell is up with Ari's face in the first panel? I guess they're trying to make him look amazed, but he comes off like he's opening wide for a money shot. This comic just keeps getting more and more inappropriate.
   
JessicaJessica “Yaaay. ‘Donna Dommer!”

 

o Page 18

Page 18
 
UrvyUrvy McDemonical... Sounds like a demon chain of fast food joints to me...
   
SeanSean Ari's parents have really good timing. I wonder what would have happened if they were praying while he was in the bathroom.
   
JessicaJessica Lord knows prayer can't alleviate other problems encountered while in the bathroom.

 

o Page 19

Page 19
 
UrvyUrvy This is somehow going into “They Live” territory, maybe Tim Todd saw that flick.
   
SeanSean "I'm here to chew gum and preach gospel. And I'm all outta gum!"

 

o Page 20

Page 20
 
JessicaJessica Nothing Christians like more than to feel special, huh? They have superior morality. They know things others don't. They see things others can't. Yes, dear. You are a special little snowflake.

 

o Page 21

Page 21
 
UrvyUrvy That thing is on the side of the plane!
   
SeanSean ...I'll let the stupidity of this scene speak for itself.
   
JessicaJessica Hick-Haven. Yeah. Right.

 

o Page 22

Page 22
 
UrvyUrvy There goes that flying pig again, how many appearances he'll make by the time this comic ends?
   
SeanSean Of course Minnie can cast that spell, it's not rocket science. In fact, it was really easy. Why would she even need to go to school if she already knows all the spells?
   
JessicaJessica It has been pointed out in other sources that students in the Harry Potter universe don't actually study subjects like math or history as their lessons only cover magical topics. I'm guessing Pigzits is no different in this regard.

 

o Page 23

Page 23
 
UrvyUrvy Um, did Tim Todd start stealing the “crooked villain camera shot” from Batman there?
   
JessicaJessica There's no humor like good 'ole meta-humor. What's with Ari's self awareness here? This isn't Deadpool.
   
SeanSean Of course not, Deadpool is actually funny.

So you want these two to continue writing the books? Have you ever read anything by a 14 year old? Trust me, you'd get the same quality from publishing "My Immortal".

 

o Page 24

Page 24
 
UrvyUrvy Let's see, the spy council of ghosts consists of Porky Pig, Rapunzel, a Musketeer, and a head of a scarecrow king...  Boy, even though this story is parody, there's lots of copyright violations here, then again, parody is protected by the First Amendment anyway.
   
JessicaJessica Lucky for us.
   
UrvyUrvy ”I am a Gandalf wannabe”, heh, mocking Dumbledore by calling him a Gandalf ripoff, how interesting.
   
SeanSean Wait, I thought they just told us that Hairy was fictitious. Consistent much?

 

o Page 25

Page 25
 
SeanSean Look out! They're under attack by an extinguished Balrog!
   
JessicaJessica Apparently that thing is a "Trollgre."

...which I guess is what you get when a troll screws an ogre. Try getting that image out of your head.

 

o Page 26

Page 26
 
UrvyUrvy Is that Charizard coming out of that wand to attack that demon?
   
SeanSean Is this flying pig meant to be the Tim Todd version of Fang? I can see why it didn't catch on.
   
JessicaJessica "Hurtem Hoaxus!"

I know J.K. Rowing's particular flavor of Dog Latin is nothing like actual Latin, but it passes a hell of a lot better than this nonsense.

 

o Page 27

Page 27
 
UrvyUrvy ”High Five, Man!”
   
SeanSean Well these demons are easy to defeat: Just send The Todd after them.

 

o Page 28

Page 28
 
UrvyUrvy There goes that pig again!
   
SeanSean So you followed an mysterious note, signed by a fictional character, into a back alley behind the store? Jesus, this is making the bike shop owner from Diff'rent Strokes look like a calculating genius.

 

o Page 29

Page 29
 
UrvyUrvy ”Occult Odd Squad, in Color!”
   
SeanSean Madonna Dahmer's got a bit of a mouth on him.
   
JessicaJessica Tim Todd gets some serious mileage out of his character archetypes, doesn't he?

 

o Page 30

Page 30
 
UrvyUrvy A diarrhea spell?   Is this comic lacking originality, or is this me?
   
SeanSean No, I think it's just become self aware about what it is.
   
JessicaJessica "Don't strain yourself. We're just mailing this one in."

 

o Further Reading