Introduction ⇑ ⇓

Slick146

This is what happens when Jack Chick decided to do his own adaption of a Christmas Carol.

Cover / Page 1 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146

Page 2 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Hey Bob Cratchit. Wonder how butchered he will be in this... Uh...that's not the Scrooge I remember. He was noticeably older than that.

Page 3 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	That's not what happened in the book at all. Bob Cratchit didn't want to work because it was Christmas, the day everyone gets off, and Scrooge wouldn't let him because he didn't believe in Christmas and was way more concerned with earning money. There wasn't any of this hostility towards Christ or any debate about it at all! Scrooge wasn't a raving atheist, he was just a mean, grumpy old man who disliked what was at the time not a very popular holiday after a lifetime of tragedy and hardship. See, when Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol, in Britain Christmas was just a minor holiday, in part due to anti-Catholic sentiment and puritanical views. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, JACK CHICK?

Page 4 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Dickens is rolling in his grave.

Page 5 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Dickens is rising out of his grave. Scrooge the misanthrope, why in the world would Jack do that? Scrooge was just a bit of a jerk, meant to show that treating your fellow man with disrespect is wrong, like the whole "decrease the surplus population" thing.

Page 6 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Dickens is currently trying to dig up and burn Jack Chick's corpse. Continuing on how unpopular Christmas was, some Protestant churches were against celebrating it because of the drunken debauchery associated with the holiday, and in some parts of the US Christmas was illegal. A Christmas Carol helped elevate it in the public conscious, basically saving the holiday. It was also about helping the poor and your fellow man, as Dickens felt laws at the time were hurting the poor. Gotta love Charles Dickens. That...was completely unknown to Jack, obviously. He is utterly butchering the story.

Page 7 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	I swear to God, if Cratchit gave Scrooge a Chick Tract, I will buy in bulk and burn them all!

Page 8 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Okay, actually, you know what? THIS IS FUCKING STUPID. No, Jack, no, simply trusting in God to provide for you won't get you anywhere if you don't get off your ass and actually work for a living! Hell, even that might not work given how badly Bob Cratchit and his family had it in the original book, and they weren't this bloody happy all the time either! They were happy because they had each other to love and support them, but still suffered because they weren't given much compassion by Scrooge for a while, until the Ghosts of Christmas showed up to help him out.

Page 9 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	I get what Jack is doing. "Christians" = the only truly happy people in the world. Anything otherwise is not a happy or good person at all. Actually, can we get back to Scrooge now?

Page 10 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Stop showing us how great Bob's life is because he believes in God and get to Scrooge already!

Page 11 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	"Mama, shouldn't we pray for Mr Scrooge?" Why, why, why, why, why, why, why..... Jack, you're forcing your own morals into a perfectly good story that had a fine moral that resonates throughout the ages because it is relevant to so many of them! STOP THE BUTCHERY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

Page 12 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	"My old partner...Marley...had been dead for ten years. I wish he could come back and prove Cratchit wrong!" You are going to hate what was done to Marley here. So. Much. Can we just get to the bit about Scrooge going to bed yet? Why is he encountering this little old woman now?

Page 13 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	"God will get you for that!" That sounds like a threat if I ever heard one. Scrooge is right to be....whatever he currently is. Oh yeah, atheist. May I add I am really starting to wish I could just read the classic novel now. I don't think anyone reads the classics much anymore.

Page 14 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	JACK YOU IGNORANT SON OF A BITCH WHY DID YOU DO THAT! THE KNOCKER TURNED INTO MARLEY, NOT THE DEVIL, MARLEY, MARLEY, MARLEY, MARLEY, MARLEY... I need a fucking break actually, you know what, fuck it, just fuck it, I am ending part three right here, I will finish the rest tomorrow as soon as possible, no, I can't go on after this, no I refuse, I'm done I have to sleep and eat and do so many other better things instead of read this complete and utter fucking garbage.

Page 15 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	WAIT, JACK'S REDUCING MARLEY'S VISIT TO A DREAM?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ONE OF THE MOST TERRIFYING PARTS OF THE NOVEL HAS BEEN MADE INTO JUST A STINKY GHOST IN A DREAM? There is indeed more gravy than grave about Marley here... The worst part is that this only happens because Tiny Tim prayed for Mister Scrooge.

Page 16 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Wait, what about the ghosts? The three ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and the Christmases Yet-To-Come? And they going to show up or... NO. JACK, YOU DIDN'T!

Page 17 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	HE DID IT! HE ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT! HE ADAPTED OUT THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS! ALL THREE OF THEM! ALL SCROOGE DOES HERE IS READ AN EARLY VERSION OF A CHICK TRACT! HE DOESN'T CONFRONT HOW HORRIBLE HIS LIFE IS AND HOW IT DROVE HIM TO BECOME THE MAN HE IS RIGHT NOW! REALLY?! REALLY?!

Page 18 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	I feel like crying, I really do. I can't believe it. So, Scrooge gets an actually order from Jesus himself to make restitution? "No, my friend, the old Scrooge is dead. I became a brand new man when I received Jesus." FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

Page 19 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	Hey, didn't Scrooge donate an enormous amount of money to charity at some point, to make amends for his whole "decrease the surplus population" statement? What about that? Here he's just repaying Cratchit for giving a fucking Chick Tract written by Jack's great grandfather and Mrs. Cooper has her debt forgiven, even though Scrooge could probably go the extra mile in some way....

Page 20 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	The book version is better, as is every other version of A Christmas Carol.

Page 21 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	There is only one logical response to this.

Page 22 ⇑ ⇓

Slick146	This is by far the most cringe worthy ending I have ever seen to a Chick Tract. And that is saying something.

Conclusion ⇑ ⇓

Slick146

This is just...a travesty to everything Dickens made A Christmas Carol to be, everything it was supposed to be and the message it was supposed to convey. So...New Year is coming soon....what next? This Was Your Life? Maybe something else? I'll do some looking. But this one sucked fat hairy dicks!

Further Reading ⇑ ⇓

Other Reviews & Commentaries ⇑ ⇓