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Originally published at SpaceBattles Forums. May 14th, 2017. Dark Dungeons. Tract #061. Art by Fred Carter - © 1984 Chick Publications
Originally published at SpaceBattles Forums
May 14th, 2017
Dark Dungeons - Tract #061 (DARK)
Art by Fred Carter- © 1984 Chick Publications
Debbie thought playing Dungeons and Dragons was fun...until it destroyed her friend.
Introduction ⇑ ⇓
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So, this is it! Dark Dungeons! The most famous of Chick Tracts, and the only one to be made into a movie! So, let's get started! |
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...........*Gets up from computer, leaves room and slams door behind myself. The sound of stuff breaking can be heard. Slick comes back in carrying a five iron.* NOPE! NOPE! NOPE, NOPE, NOPETY NO! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DEMENTED LOGIC IS THIS? YOUR D&D CHARACTER DIES SO YOU KILL YOURSELF! HOLY SHIT, THE CHAIR IS STILL MOVING! MARCIE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE! DEBBIE COULD SAVE HER FRIEND RIGHT NOW! IT ISN'T HOPELESS! BUT SHE'S JUST STANDING THERE, JUST....IN SHOCK! DOESN'T EVEN TELL MARCIE'S MOM! SHE IS WATCHING MARCIE KILL HERSELF! IN A NOOSE! A FUCKING NOOSE! TIME TO PUSH THE BUTTON! Instant No Button! Star Wars funnies FTW! ......Okay, now I'm calm. Oh look, Marcie left a suicide note. |
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Conclusion ⇑ ⇓
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Okay, I'm going to be real here. That isn't how you get saved by God! You don't sign a pamphlet to get to Heaven! The Catholic Church outright banned that practice for a reason! A very important one! You can't sign a pamphlet to get to Heaven, you have to actually follow Jesus's teachings! You have to believe it and do it with all your heart! Words are empty if you don't act upon them! At the least, I can safely say the Master got himself a new wife. Wonder if he's burning Torgo.... |
Further Reading ⇑ ⇓
- Vintage page at SpaceBattles Forums
- Product page at Chick Publications
Other Reviews & Commentaries ⇑ ⇓
- Trick Tracts - http://skatoolaki.com/tricktracts/l_darkdungeons.html
- User FreudianSlip (Space Battles Forum) - https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/freudianslip-dissects-a-chick-tract.190056/page-2?post=5997236#post-5997236
- User Harbinger (Space Battles Forum) - https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/freudianslip-dissects-a-chick-tract.190056/page-3?post=5997658#post-5997658
- JonTron - 2014 Film (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=subQrEPKytA
- The Bible Reloaded (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJjtU7vxx-Q
- The Bible Reloaded - 2014 Film (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qwf91YGfxA
Parodies ⇑
- 3rd Edition: Tool of Satan? - Will it take some controversial changes in the newest edition of the Master's Guide to show these foolish players just how much danger they're in?
"We're just unwinding with a little live-action Call of Cthulhu... want to touch my octopus?"
(foo.ca via The Wayback Machine) - Christians and Crusades - What if it were the Christians themselves who got carried away with fantasy role playing?
"A flick of Hellfire can make anyone a unprincipaled coward!"
(The Bronze Blog) - Dark Dungeons: The Animated Movie (2010) - Computer animated film made by yours truly, covering the plot of the tract... with a few minor embellishments.
"The Lord shall provide! Now who brought the gasoline?"
(Boolean Union Studios) [Video] - Dark Dungeons: The Movie (2014) - A live-action film with impressive production values. Produced with the expressed approval of Chick himself.
"If they want to be a couple of chickens who go their entire lives without experiencing the unrivaled thrill of an RPG, that's their business."
(Zombie Orpheus Entertainment) [Video] - Dark Dungeons: Between the Panels - A mock-u-mentary that posits to catch up with the characters of the tract 25 years after it's publication.
"Oh, and the fumes from the bonfire scene were heinous. All that burning lead, plastic, and ink... I passed out for a little while, and when I woke up, I couldn't remember my own name."
(The Escapist) - Darque Dungeons - The dangers of Dungeons and Dragons extrapolated through a thinly-veiled pastiche of Vampire: The Masquerade as well as Gothic metal music.
"I'll fucking kill anyone who opposes the countercultural assault of noise music WITH MY BARE FUCKING HANDS!"
(foo.ca via The Wayback Machine) - Demonic Deviltry - White Wolf released their tabletop game Demon: The Fallen in 2002, and since that means this old tract was due for a bit of an update, they released their own take on it.
"Do you do that after every game? Not all the time. Sometimes we have sex instead of doing drugs."
(White Wolf via Scribd - .pdf) - Dork Dungeons - If you thought basic D&D was geeky, it gets worse... soooo much worse.
"Sometimes I think about him and, you know, touch myself in the bath... condoms, I'm thinking we'll need a twelve pack."
(Unhelpful.org via The Wayback Machine) - GURPS Fourth Edition - Dark Dungeons - A new gaming paradigm causes dissention in the ranks.
"Afraid I'll steal all the hot guys? I am totally ready. I even started my period."
(GameGroup.org) - Mystery Science Theater Meets Dark Dungeons - What if the crew of the Satellite of Love took a stab at riffing on a Chick tract?
"You know this reminds me so much of High School. Two women conspiring to manipulate the men in their lives? No. The Members Only jacket."
(Fecundity.com)
Slick146