Introduction ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger

Well I'll put my money where my mouth is an do a D&D focused review. Note that I'm going off 3rd edition here. I can't vouch for 1st edition giving you powers.

Cover / Page 1 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Here we see the cover, which if I'm correct appears to be a ninja about to attack Dracula's castle. I'll point out right now that this would be far more awesome than what we're about to see. I'd say something about it's accuracy concerning the comic itself, but a ninja attacking a vampire's castle seems about par for the course for D&D.

Page 2 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	And here we meet our group. From DM clockwise we have Ms. Frost, the DM who appears to be a 30 year old loser who plays with teenagers. I kid, I kid I should lay off the typical D&D nerd jokes. Next up we have Debbie, our heroine who appears to be playing a wizard. Next up we have...uh, and...uh, then there's...oh and then there's that guy, and finally we have Marcie, who is playing a thief. I have to admit that Jack Chick was pretty spot on for this game's depiction. Sure there should be pizza and more character sheets laying around, but those soda cans strewn about really add to the- wait a goddamned minute where are their dice! That should be standard for any D&D game! And why is a woman DMing! When- sorry I said I'd cut back on those. Moving on...

Page 3 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Okay bullshit. Oh not Marcie's reaction. I've done that plenty of times myself, that's perfectly normal. But being a thief, or rogue she should have trap sense and Uncanny Dodge. Secondly, the DM didn't even give her a reflex or fortitude save both of which would be standard for a poison trap. And you can't just declare her dead bitch! Follow the damn rules. Sure she might be low on hit points and have a low con, but that doesn't mean that she's automatically dead. Fudging your rolls a bit? Sounds like it to me. And really, it's D&D. Just get a few thousand gp worth of diamonds and a trip to a cleric, and she'll be back on her feet in no time. But seriously, has this ever happened to anyone? Yeah I've had characters die. Sure it might suck, but you just make a new one if you're that desperate to play. The fact that they're forcing Marcie to leave makes me think she was really just a powergaming munchkin that they were trying to get rid of for awhile. Considering that she has some serious mental issues if she's that attached to her character maybe it's for the best. Otherwise they'd just be enabling her. Well, too bad there's no cleric in the group to-

Page 4 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	By the power of Greyskull! Wait a minute, on page one Debbie was playing a wizard! Now you're saying that she's a cleric? Dammit Jack that changes everything! At 8th level Debbie could have used Neutralize Poison or cast Cure Critical Wounds before Marcie reached -10 HP. You're lucky you didn't have her reach level 9, then she could have cast Raise Dead. There are some serious continuity errors here, unless Debbie thinks she's been playing a wizard this whole time. I also have to add that this story has jumped around a lot. First they were fighting monsters, then Marcie died to a trap all of a sudden, and now game's done. I was interested in seeing what happened after the party lost their rogue. Did they just loot her corpse? Did the real wizard in the group animate her corpse? Come on Jack these are the important issues at stake here! But maybe I'm being a bit overly critical here. After all the game is called Dark Dungeons, not Dungeons and Dragons. Maybe their system works differently.

Page 5 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Oh for fuck's sake! They were playing D&D! All my points are perfectly legit again Jack! This guy can't even keep his games straight! Also Black Leaf? Elfstar? Come on, I've heard of bad character names, but those are just lame. Oh right the satanic cult. Yes this is the meat and potatoes of this comic: D&D makes you want to join satanic cults and be able to cast magic. Now as you may know this actually does not happen. I have yet to be invited to join a Satanic cult. It's kind of disappointing really. All these years I've been training to become a Satanic priest and never knew it. It's probably because I usually play fighters, and 'stick the pointy end into the squishy thing' doesn't lend itself well to satanic rituals. Wait a minute, yes it does! I should be able to perform ritualistic sacrifices for them. Assholes. This is beginning to depress me, moving on:

Page 6 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	...So Debbie's moved onto LARPing and she's talking about this. Good for her, some people think it's strange, but so long as you're having fun I see no harm in that. Oh, Debbie can actually cast spells now. Again, I'm really disappointed that I can't do this yet. Sure I usually play fighters, but I've played plenty of clerics, wizards, and even a swordsage. If I could bend the laws of physics to my will you'd better believe that I'd jump at the chance. Well okay if I meant an eternity in hellfire I might be a bit more hesitant, but only if I couldn't reach epic level. Then I could just take over hell. Of course this might not be that bad. After all Debbie is a cleric right? At 8th level she do quite a bit. For instance she could cast spells to speak any language, neutralize poison, create food and water, and remove any disease. Yeah, Debbie could probably single handedly solve the AIDS problem in Africa. Well okay, maybe her character level doesn't equate to her player level. But she's still a cleric, which means she could heal people. Obviously this is what she would do. After all if you had magic wouldn't you use it to help your fellow man?

Page 7 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	...Or you can use it to brainwash people. I guess Debbie is an SB regular. Of course this is what happens to you when you play D&D, you turn evil. I guess to Chick it's kind of like a drug. That would explain Marcie. Also it turns out that using magic ruins your looks. I mean wow, kill it with fire.

Page 8 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Well with what Wizards of the Coast charges for their books I can't fault her for that. I hope her dad made sure to buy her some damn dice.

Page 9 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Ooohhh you're fighting the zombie! Yeah you're a cleric Debbie. I have two words for you: Turn Undead. But if you're a stupid cleric then use Searing Ray or just beat it to death with whatever weapon you have. They're zombies! They come in hordes for a reason! They're so weak that even a 1st level character should be able to beat them. This fight would take you two minutes, tops. And why are you playing alone? If the five of you can't beat one zombie at 8th level than you have no right playing the game. And if they're not there then why are you playing? Trying to level up ahead of the group? Bitch. Yeah, sorry to tell you this but a single zombie's Challenge Rating won't net you any experience points. Go ahead, waste your spells! Oh right, and Marcie is upset, and apparently calling the gaming group that exiled her for help. Wow, someone has issues.

Page 10 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Okay so Debbie still has empathy for her fellow man, good to know. It's also been several weeks so her cleric should have leveled up again learned raise dead by now. Good thing for Marcie, she can join the group again. Poor girl apparently put her heart and soul into Black Leaf, and apparently her mother is too stupid to think her daughter needs help after going into a depressive slump when her D&D character died.

Page 11 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Yeah autoerotic asphyxiation is dangerous. I mean sure you have to get your jollies somehow, but there are better ways of doing oh wait she hung herself. Yeah I'm really beginning to think that Jack Chick believes D&D is street slang for crack cocaine because when my characters die I don't go into a suicidal depression because I couldn't get my fix. No, I go out and murder a hobo and bury him by the railroad tracks in remembrance of said charac- forget I said that.

Page 12 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Then make a new character. Man that was an easy solution! So Marcie's dead. Well good thing Debbie is a cleric and can easily-

Page 13 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Nevermind. Debbie you were fighting a zombie! How did it take you that long to kill a stupid zombie! And it's good to know that when you play D&D it becomes your sole obsession. You give up family, friends, education, and any future jobs. I mean sure there are plenty of people this applies to, but come on!

Page 14 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Ah, maybe it's one of those 'your character reflects your spiritual power' things. Nah, I'm sticking with Chick thinks D&D=crack. Also I find it funny that Debbie apparently knows more about their new satanic cult's teachings than the one who's been there for awhile. Methinks that Ms. Frost isn't very high on the witchs' social ladder. Maybe it's because she plays D&D. BURN! Okay last one of those kinds of jokes for a bit. And I have to sympathize with Debbie, I've had really obsessed D&D groups, it kind of gets dull after awhile.

Page 15 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	You know I can't look at this page and not laugh. I really want to try saying that during game at some point "I don't want to be anymore! I want to be me!" It also begs the question is Ms. Frost her character's name? I mean it's pretty cool I guess, though why she doesn't have a first name I have no idea.

Page 16 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Yeah when the group breaks up it can be rough. Thankfully Debbie's group consisted of an angry witch, a girl who had some obvious issues, and a bunch of nameless morons. We could probably assume that this isn't what she's upset about. Considering all those open books, I bet she was trying to figure out a prestige class. Yeah, that sounds like something Jesus would know the answer to.

Page 17 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Jesus provides a +4 bonus to will saves against evil. And when you're embroiled in spiritual warfare you need all the help you can get. And really Debbie look at that guy's face. That "meeting" is likely to be in the back of his van. Though I guess that's another way to win the spiritual war *wink wink nudge nudge*.

Page 18 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Dungeon of bondage? What kind of D&D group have I been playing with all this time! Of course this guy does have a point, look how horribly contorted Debbie's and Frost's faces get after they cast spells. Maybe magic is like the Dark Side and it slowly destroys your body. You know, I'm still going with the crack theory because everything said up to this point still seems to apply to doing drugs.

Page 19 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Short version: Jesus saves, everyone else takes full damage.

Page 20 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	Not much to say here other than I find it very funny that no one else around Debbie seems to care.

Page 21 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Chick thinks that I have demons inside me right now. Again I'm supposed to be getting a lot from playing D&D. All I've gotten is a sugar rush from drinking too much soda. To answer your question Freudian Slip, the only guideline to my life as laid out by D&D is that the DM is always right. Since I guess God is the ultimate DM it works out.

Page 22 ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger	And the preacher casts Burning Hands, setting the pile ablaze. The worst part of it? He could have gotten a lot of money for that. Then again maybe he works for Wizards of the Coast and is just burning all the 3rd Edition stuff that he can. You know looking at that last panel I wonder if Debbie is going to tell them about the cult and we'll get an Inquisition going? Why can't Chick show us that part! He's always leaving out the good stuff!

Conclusion ⇑ ⇓

Harbinger

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Further Reading ⇑ ⇓

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