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Originally published at SpaceBattles Forums. May 10th, 2011. Dark Dungeons. Tract #061. Art by Fred Carter - © 1984 Chick Publications
Originally published at SpaceBattles Forums
May 10th, 2011
Dark Dungeons - Tract #061 (DARK)
Art by Fred Carter- © 1984 Chick Publications
Debbie thought playing Dungeons and Dragons was fun...until it destroyed her friend.
Introduction ⇑ ⇓
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Alright guys, since the vote doesn't seem too conclusive in any direction, I think I'll stick with more light-hearted fare than Lisa. Dark Dungeons it is! I'm sure many of you recall the craze in the 80's when everyone was afraid that Dungeons and Dragons was turning our youth to satanism. Those who don't, I urge you to at least seek out Spoony's review of Mazes and Monsters, an utterly incompetent reactionary movie which tried to expose the "dangers" of D&D roleplaying. With something this stupid going on, it was only a matter of time before Jack Chick got in on the action. Everyone's favorite form of basement fungus decided that he too would add D&D to his list of Things That Are Evil, just below Catholics, and right above Evil Things (Jack is sort of a moron, you see.) And so, Jack began his 21 panel crusade to end D&D gaming once and for all, and let history decide the victor. It wasn't Jack. I must note, though, that I have never played D&D, and as such have only a passing familiarity with it, so I hope I may be forgiven for any minor errors that may occur, at least when compared to this tract. For those of you unfamiliar with the tract Dark Dungeons (as I've heard it's rather popular around the interwebs) just imagine ten times the bullshit of Mazes and Monsters compressed into a tiny pamphlet. You won't have to imagine long, though, because here it is: |
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OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT!?!? Wow, there definitely is something demonic going on here, I think she may have been possessed by the deceased spirit of Sloth. So, anyway, this girl is now controlling her father's mind. I guess this tract is aimed at parents with the message of "Stop your kids before it's too late!", and this is some sort of attempt of throwing a little extra fear into the mix. I'm sure that Jack thinks he's the master of subtlety. |
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Nooooooo!!! Well, maybe she just learned the occult levitation spell? |
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Conclusion ⇑ ⇓
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Well, for the many of you that I'm sure were converted by this tract, here's how to spread the faith, and prevent the insidious cancer that is D&D from taking hold of your hearts. Now roll 2D6 for salvation! |
Further Reading ⇑ ⇓
- Vintage page at SpaceBattles Forums
- Product page at Chick Publications
Other Reviews & Commentaries ⇑ ⇓
- Trick Tracts - http://skatoolaki.com/tricktracts/l_darkdungeons.html
- User Slick146 (Space Battles Forum) - https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/lets-read-chick-tracts.525049/page-4#post-34961251
- User Harbinger (Space Battles Forum) - https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/freudianslip-dissects-a-chick-tract.190056/page-3?post=5997658#post-5997658
- JonTron - 2014 Film (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=subQrEPKytA
- The Bible Reloaded (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJjtU7vxx-Q
- The Bible Reloaded - 2014 Film (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qwf91YGfxA
Parodies ⇑
- 3rd Edition: Tool of Satan? - Will it take some controversial changes in the newest edition of the Master's Guide to show these foolish players just how much danger they're in?
"We're just unwinding with a little live-action Call of Cthulhu... want to touch my octopus?"
(foo.ca via The Wayback Machine) - Christians and Crusades - What if it were the Christians themselves who got carried away with fantasy role playing?
"A flick of Hellfire can make anyone a unprincipaled coward!"
(The Bronze Blog) - Dark Dungeons: The Animated Movie (2010) - Computer animated film made by yours truly, covering the plot of the tract... with a few minor embellishments.
"The Lord shall provide! Now who brought the gasoline?"
(Boolean Union Studios) [Video] - Dark Dungeons: The Movie (2014) - A live-action film with impressive production values. Produced with the expressed approval of Chick himself.
"If they want to be a couple of chickens who go their entire lives without experiencing the unrivaled thrill of an RPG, that's their business."
(Zombie Orpheus Entertainment) [Video] - Dark Dungeons: Between the Panels - A mock-u-mentary that posits to catch up with the characters of the tract 25 years after it's publication.
"Oh, and the fumes from the bonfire scene were heinous. All that burning lead, plastic, and ink... I passed out for a little while, and when I woke up, I couldn't remember my own name."
(The Escapist) - Darque Dungeons - The dangers of Dungeons and Dragons extrapolated through a thinly-veiled pastiche of Vampire: The Masquerade as well as Gothic metal music.
"I'll fucking kill anyone who opposes the countercultural assault of noise music WITH MY BARE FUCKING HANDS!"
(foo.ca via The Wayback Machine) - Demonic Deviltry - White Wolf released their tabletop game Demon: The Fallen in 2002, and since that means this old tract was due for a bit of an update, they released their own take on it.
"Do you do that after every game? Not all the time. Sometimes we have sex instead of doing drugs."
(White Wolf via Scribd - .pdf) - Dork Dungeons - If you thought basic D&D was geeky, it gets worse... soooo much worse.
"Sometimes I think about him and, you know, touch myself in the bath... condoms, I'm thinking we'll need a twelve pack."
(Unhelpful.org via The Wayback Machine) - GURPS Fourth Edition - Dark Dungeons - A new gaming paradigm causes dissention in the ranks.
"Afraid I'll steal all the hot guys? I am totally ready. I even started my period."
(GameGroup.org) - Mystery Science Theater Meets Dark Dungeons - What if the crew of the Satellite of Love took a stab at riffing on a Chick tract?
"You know this reminds me so much of High School. Two women conspiring to manipulate the men in their lives? No. The Members Only jacket."
(Fecundity.com)
FreudianSlip