Originally published at Enter the Jabberwock. August 15th, 2003. That Crazy Guy! Tract #047. Art by Fred Carter - © 1980 Chick Publications
Originally published at Enter the Jabberwock
August 15, 2003
That Crazy Guy! - Tract #047 (TCRZ)
Art by Fred Carter - © 1980 Chick Publications
When Suzi got AIDS, she learned that God's demand for sexual purity was for her own good.
Introduction ⇑ ⇓
Jabberwock | 🎵 Condoms, Back Seat, KY That Crazy Guy Crab Lice, Herpes, Butt-Sex Is That Crazy Guy… He’ll poke you where you pee… He’s everything that every guy should be! 🎵 This tract is a fundamentalist viewpoint on how awful and evil sexual intercourse is, and how humans are awful, irresponsible, disgusting, disease-ridden creatures for even thinking about it. And how you should save it all for marriage, when you can share this awful, evil, disgusting, disease-spreading, filthy act with someone you really love. |
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Jabberwock | “I’ll go see Ms. Damien, the woman so tall she has to have her doorknobs installed at eye level.” What’s going on with her hand? It’s like she’s growing a White Spy out of her wrist. *DRASTIC FACIAL FEATURES TRANSFORMATION ALERT!* It’s like when an actor quits a television show and instead of canceling the show or getting rid of the character, they just bring in someone who looks similar to the original… only it’s Jack’s complete inability to draw consistent facial features, making his characters look like entirely different people in each new frame. Alright, put on your bullshit-waders, ladies and gentlemen. Better yet, you might want to grab your bullshit Hazmat suit. We will soon be approaching Jack Chick’s idea of what “dialog” sounds like coming from people he doesn’t agree with, all of whom are people that don’t actually exist anywhere on this planet, and say things that are never uttered outside of mental hospitals. You have to take a look at the science behind sex (as opposed to rejecting science as a whole for being “a tool of the Debbil”) before you start drawing incredibly shitty comics about how horrible people are for doing it. We are, ultimately, animals. Yeah, we should be able to utilize control over our instinctive urges, but the majority of us can’t. But you can’t go around saying people are evil or immoral just because they’re weak-willed and -minded. And I think people still do fear STDs, pregnancy and sexual intercourse in general. Well, most women do, at least: there was a psychological experiment done on a college campus where a “sexy” male went around asking women to have sex with him. Every single one turned him down. While, yes, people are incredibly fallable when it comes to exerting control over their instinctual impulses, we’re a far cry from the color of irresponsibility ol’ Jack is trying to paint us. There is what could be viewed as a “problem” regarding people’s attitudes toward sexual intercourse. But these religious fundamentalists are basing what humanity is supposed to be off of a fabrication… a story. They’re expecting us to live up to ideal depictions in a book, and there’s no evidence that anyone has ever been able to pull this off. It’s an unrealistic expectation supposedly placed on all of us, and what kind of a cruel God would judge us based on that? And there’s a bit of a contradiction, here, as well: If it doesn’t matter what a person’s done throughout their life as long as they “accept Jesus”, then what’s the point of these bullshit comics telling people how to behave? Anyway, we ARE animals, whether we want to admit it or not. And animals have biological instinct hard-wired into them on the deepest and most basic of levels. In other words, people are going to be driven to fuck, and there’s nothing any amount of scripture or bible-beating is going to be able to do about it. Sex doesn’t just feel good because it’s “god’s gift to a married couple so they can share intimate holy pleasure”. Sex feels good because it’s NECESSARY for it to feel good in order to perpetuate the species. We’re not these ultra-pure entities that only engage in sexual intercourse when it’s been given the green light by some storybook. If God would “say” one thing but make reality something entirely different with no real evidence of truthfulness of what he supposedly said, then he’s kind of a dick, and I don’t think I’d want to spend an eternity with him even if I could. |
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Jabberwock | And suddenly we’re back in Dark Dungeons. “I’m fasting and praying for you, Debbie.” Once again, the good Christian is the person who helps out. JUST LIKE IN REALITY! She’s apparently scared to death that her parents are going to kill her. I like to think they just sat and stared at each other awkwardly in the ten minutes that elapsed between panels. It’s a lot more fun and far less annoying than thinking of Suzi dragging out her “I had sex with a total jerk, now it feels like i have fire ants living in my vagina and this random woman I hung out with thinks I’m icky” story into ten whole fucking minutes. |
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Jabberwock | Welcome to Retardedville, folks. Now this is just plain fucking STUPID. Fundamentalists and opponents of condom use claim that there are tiny holes in condoms which allow HIV and other germs and viruses to slip right through. I guess there was an article at some point in Science Magazine that talked about how there were holes in latex surgical gloves, which is probably where Jack is getting this whole “surgical gloves” thing. However, those were surgical gloves, they weren’t condoms. It HAS been found to be true that the rubber used in manufacturing latex gloves have tiny holes smaller than 5 microns in diameter. However, surgical gloves are only dipped once in latex when they are made, and condoms are dipped TWICE. There’s a “water leakage” test that rubber gloves and condoms are put through in order to test how secure they are. The regulations for gloves are a lot more lax than condoms… gloves are allowed to fail the test at a rate of forty per thousand, but condoms are only allowed four failures per thousand before the ENTIRE BATCH is rejected. Additionally, the studies done by opponents of condom use have been faulty and inaccurate. The virus particles used in these studies, which reportedly “proved” that condoms were inefficient against prevention of HIV, were 100 million times smaller than the HIV particles responsible for contamination through sexual contact. Condoms have to pass a series of very strict and thorough quality control tests, since they’re a medical product and are therefore regulated by the FDA. Additionally, the overall quality of condoms is constantly improving. There have been numerous studies that have consistently proven that condoms do NOT allow HIV to pass through. In fact, these studies have proven that the use of latex condoms during intercourse reduce the risk of transmission of HIV by TEN THOUSAND times. There were research studies conducted in America, Europe, Africa and Asia with couples where one partner was AIDS-infected, the other was not. The studies found that only two percent of couples who used condoms properly and consistently transmitted infection between each other. So, I’m really sorry, Jack… but you’re TOTALLY FULL of SHIT. |
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Jabberwock | I’m just waiting for the day when the cure for AIDS is finally discovered. Not so much for the whole, you know, relief from a terrible and fatal disease and the aversion of the tragedies caused by it, but because I am really going to love watching all these religious fundamentalist fucktards scramble to find another medical problem to tag as “this is god’s punishment for you being so naughty!” Man, if we’d have only followed that darned “Thou Shalt Not Haveth Any Contact with Monkeys” thing, AIDS wouldn’t be a problem. AIDS didn’t start just from people screwing each other. There’s some debate as to the exact origins, but it’s basically a generally accepted fact that it had something to do with contact with a primate of some sort. Certain virii can pass from animals to humans, a process known as “zoonosis”. Theories include someone getting bitten by an infected orangutan, or eating some kind of infected monkey for food, or a variety of other primate-related ideas. I mean, it’s not like a guy cheated on his wife or, like, a couple had sex before they were married (*gasp!*) and suddenly, *pop*, AIDS was born! (Also, animals can have STDs. Are animals being “punished” by god for not getting married before they reproduce? Come on.) Honestly, folks, AIDS has only been around for about twenty years. Sure, other venereal diseases have been in existence since long before the dawn of AIDS, but very few were quite as deadly. Syphilis was deadly during the renaissance but people eventually developed immunities to it that helped avert that outcome of the disease. And even then, it wasn’t because the disease was ultra deadly, it was because Europeans didn’t have the right defenses for it. So where was this “punishment of god for not following the rules of fucking” back then? “Oh, no, you’ll get genital itching! And have to take medicine for a few weeks! You see? Do you see what happens when you have sex with people?” Look at tuberculosis and other contagious and fatal diseases over the years. What, does god have specific “rules” for breathing that will keep people from getting killed by respiratory diseases? I mean, come on. Do you know how retardedly silly it is to apply some kind of apocalyptic biblical meaning to venereal diseases? Or any kind of disease, for that matter. And is every disease some kind of “god’s wrath” thing? What’s cancer the punishment for? How about when the white man inadvertantly ended up killing off a shitload of Native Americans by carrying over foreign contagions from Europe? Was there some kind of god-law against people living on this continent before European settlers arrived? I mean, what the hell did they do? And even if a person was to follow the rules “set up by god”, that still doesn’t mean a person is going to be completely safe from the acquisition of deadly disease. AIDS isn’t only a sexually communicable disease. None of the STDs are really limited to being ONLY sexually communicable. It’s mostly just that genitals are a very sensitive region, and the parts are kinda made of a different material than the majority of the body. Is it really that huge of a surprise that you’re going to be more vulnerable in the most sensitive parts of your body? Herpes can infect your mouth, too, you know. Ever hear of a “cold sore”, Jack? “This is god’s punishment for… uh… sharing a Coke with one of the infeeeected onessss!” Anyway, you can get AIDS from blood transfusions and other similar non-sexual things, and there are even assholes who’ll prick themselves with a syringe needle and put the thing into the seat cushion at a movie theater to spread their little fun-germ. So you can be a die-hard fundamentalist religious zealot, never having sex save for procreation (and even then, including a “please forgive me” after every moan of “oh, god”, whipping yourself afterwards and taking a week off from work to cry in shame and beg god for forgiveness), and your choosing of seating at a movie theater can turn you into an AIDS-infected member of the foresaken. Of course, maybe I’m just forgetting about some obscure “Thou Shalt Not Sit in the Third Row From the Front, Fifth Seat From the Left” commandment. |
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Conclusion ⇑ ⇓
Jabberwock | Jack Chick utilizes something that can best be described as the down syndrome equivalent of logic and reason when he creates these horrible clumps of anal-content. For those of you with fundamentalist friends or acquaintances, I URGE you to send them here. And if you could, not just as a favor to me but as a service to all mankind, if any of you ever see a “Chick Tract” laying around somewhere, write “www.enterthejabberwock.com => dissections” on it. Bleh. That’s all for this update, folks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and clean all the blood clots and detached chunks of brain tissue out of my head from all the aneurisms and embolisms I had trying to understand Jack Chick’s logic and how people can possibly be so damned stupid. See you next time. |
Further Reading ⇑ ⇓
- Vintage page at Enter the Jabberwock (Courtesy of Archive.org)
- Product page at Chick Publications
Other Reviews & Commentaries ⇑
- Boolean Union - https://boolean-union.com/dissections/boolunion/BU.CHICK.TCRZ.DISCT.html
- Crimes Against Divinity (via The Wayback Machine) -https://crimesagainstdivinity.wordpress.com/2012/06/10/jack-chicks-that-crazy-guy-dissected/
- The Bible Reloaded (YouTube Video) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGA0KkxfMHo
Jabberwock