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» December 30, 2024
Archived Dissection
Originally published at Enter the Jabberwock. August 15th, 2003. That Crazy Guy! Tract #047. Art by Fred Carter - © 1980 Chick Publications

Originally published at Enter the Jabberwock
August 15, 2003


 
Cover

That Crazy Guy! - Tract #047 (TCRZ)
Art by Fred Carter - © 1980 Chick Publications


When Suzi got AIDS, she learned that God's demand for sexual purity was for her own good.

CommentatorsCommentators

Jabberwock

Jabberwock

 
Page Index
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o Introduction collapse_button

JabberwockJabberwock 🎵 Condoms, Back Seat, KY

That Crazy Guy

Crab Lice, Herpes, Butt-Sex

Is That Crazy Guy…

He’ll poke you where you pee…

He’s everything that every guy should be!
🎵

This tract is a fundamentalist viewpoint on how awful and evil sexual intercourse is, and how humans are awful, irresponsible, disgusting, disease-ridden creatures for even thinking about it. And how you should save it all for marriage, when you can share this awful, evil, disgusting, disease-spreading, filthy act with someone you really love.

 

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Cover / Page 1
 
JabberwockJabberwock Wahhhhh, dude, bitchin’!

Here comes another Chick tract! This one deals with the dangers of evil, evil sexual intercourse, including AIDS and having to get lectured by an ultra-religious doctor about how god is punishing humanity for being driven instinctually to reproduce.

While this tract is incredibly stupid, and anyone in their right mind knows that the religious fundamentalist views on STD’s and sexual intercourse is completely off the charts on the insanity scale, it does raise an important question that I’m sure you’ll be asking yourself by the end of this: Which is worse, AIDS or Jack Chick?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Boy, for a guy who’s only intention is to get laid, he’s sure scheduling things far enough in advance. “Alright, four months from now, I’ll pick you up at eight.” Does he keep track of his projected sexual fulfillment on a calendar or something? Now, I know I’m going to be horny next Tuesday, but that’s when my porn comes in from Netflix, so I think I’ll be all right then. Uh… let’s see, the following Thursday, I’ve scheduled myself as getting a series of pretty furious boners. Yeah, that’d be a good night…”

What’s wrong with her hands? Dear god, she only has thumbs! SHE ONLY HAS THUMBS!!

Somehow I doubt a guy who dresses like a cheap Burt Reynolds knockoff knows how to be a real party animal. GO BACK TO THE 70s, YOU ASS!

Look out, it’s Goldie Hawn on a bender!

Somehow “beautiful” just doesn’t seem like an appropriate description for this guy. I was thinking more like, oh, I dunno, “lame”, “stuck in the past”, “anal about his mustache”, “trying too hard to be a rogue police officer from 1980s drama television”…

 

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JabberwockJabberwock “I’ll go see Ms. Damien, the woman so tall she has to have her doorknobs installed at eye level.”

What’s going on with her hand? It’s like she’s growing a White Spy out of her wrist.

*DRASTIC FACIAL FEATURES TRANSFORMATION ALERT!* It’s like when an actor quits a television show and instead of canceling the show or getting rid of the character, they just bring in someone who looks similar to the original… only it’s Jack’s complete inability to draw consistent facial features, making his characters look like entirely different people in each new frame.

Alright, put on your bullshit-waders, ladies and gentlemen. Better yet, you might want to grab your bullshit Hazmat suit. We will soon be approaching Jack Chick’s idea of what “dialog” sounds like coming from people he doesn’t agree with, all of whom are people that don’t actually exist anywhere on this planet, and say things that are never uttered outside of mental hospitals.

You have to take a look at the science behind sex (as opposed to rejecting science as a whole for being “a tool of the Debbil”) before you start drawing incredibly shitty comics about how horrible people are for doing it. We are, ultimately, animals. Yeah, we should be able to utilize control over our instinctive urges, but the majority of us can’t. But you can’t go around saying people are evil or immoral just because they’re weak-willed and -minded.

And I think people still do fear STDs, pregnancy and sexual intercourse in general. Well, most women do, at least: there was a psychological experiment done on a college campus where a “sexy” male went around asking women to have sex with him. Every single one turned him down. While, yes, people are incredibly fallable when it comes to exerting control over their instinctual impulses, we’re a far cry from the color of irresponsibility ol’ Jack is trying to paint us.

There is what could be viewed as a “problem” regarding people’s attitudes toward sexual intercourse. But these religious fundamentalists are basing what humanity is supposed to be off of a fabrication… a story. They’re expecting us to live up to ideal depictions in a book, and there’s no evidence that anyone has ever been able to pull this off. It’s an unrealistic expectation supposedly placed on all of us, and what kind of a cruel God would judge us based on that? And there’s a bit of a contradiction, here, as well: If it doesn’t matter what a person’s done throughout their life as long as they “accept Jesus”, then what’s the point of these bullshit comics telling people how to behave?

Anyway, we ARE animals, whether we want to admit it or not. And animals have biological instinct hard-wired into them on the deepest and most basic of levels. In other words, people are going to be driven to fuck, and there’s nothing any amount of scripture or bible-beating is going to be able to do about it. Sex doesn’t just feel good because it’s “god’s gift to a married couple so they can share intimate holy pleasure”. Sex feels good because it’s NECESSARY for it to feel good in order to perpetuate the species. We’re not these ultra-pure entities that only engage in sexual intercourse when it’s been given the green light by some storybook. If God would “say” one thing but make reality something entirely different with no real evidence of truthfulness of what he supposedly said, then he’s kind of a dick, and I don’t think I’d want to spend an eternity with him even if I could.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Here’s where we start getting into the vague generalizations regarding the youth of today. Allow me to impersonate Jack Chick’s mental image of a non-fundamentalist youth. *ahem* “Look at me, I’m incredibly stupid and easily led! I have no thought processes of my own, and whatever anyone tells me, I believe! I’m not a fundamentalist religious-type, so I am therefore not only wrong, but very, very stupid, and very, very weak. All I need is for someone to mention the word ‘Jesus’ and I’ll be on my knees praying quicker than I’ve ever been convinced to go from a standing position to a kneeling position before in my life, slut that I am. Also, I kill puppies and worship Satan.”

 

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JabberwockJabberwock I challenge you, Jack, to find me ONE person… just ONE SINGLE REAL-LIFE NON-ACTOR PERSON… who acts like this and says this kind of shit.

I’ll agree… there are ignorant people out there who don’t really understand the potential risks of sexual intercourse. There were teens in Britain who thought an empty potato chip bag could be used as an effective condom. Teenagers who aren’t ready for the responsibility of parenthood are doing it all the time and having children before they even graduate from high school. There are people who believe that condoms will keep them totally safe from pregnancy and every kind of disease, but as the education (that, ironically, these religious fundamentalists are trying to put a stop to) of these people becomes more and more widespread and they’re all becoming more and more informed, these misconceptions are being slowly eradicated. I seriously doubt, though, that there are a lot of people out there who believe that “Science has EVERYTHING under control.” A lot of the time, people are aware of the dangers but don’t think it can happen to them, or are willing to tolerate the risks involved. Which, of course, is a mindset that doesn’t just apply to sexually-transmitted diseases.

“Craig’s so cute… and real crazy!” “…He covers himself in Vasoline and rolls around in dead ladybugs! Then he eats a whole roll of electrical tape!”

“What could possibly go wrong?” Hrmmm. What’s that I smell? Why, it’s the overpowering scent of the setup to a really lame-ass plotline in a shitty fundamentalist comic strip!

Um… who the fuck IS this woman, anyway?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Wow, he’s every girl’s dream! He tries to screw you on the first date, he boastingly asks you to compliment him, AND he calls you by another girl’s name! And a license plate that says “LOVER” held in by the oh-so-classy “Do it in the dirt” holder? I think I’m in love.

Oh, and Jack? Um… might want to check on what the lettering for a REAL license plate looks like. You know… one that’d actually be considered “legal”. Though I suppose if the plots aren’t all that realistic, why should the drawings be?

“Man in the moon, I may have been knocked up by some jerk who didn’t even have any feelings for me…” (Whoever gets that reference deserves a great big cookie.)

Would she have been as freaked out about getting pregnant if he was a great guy? Strange that the whole “pregnancy worry” came after her feelings of disgust about the guy. “What a creep. Man… what’d I ever see in him? He looks like he came from the 1970’s, if the 1970’s was this big giant retarded godzilla-like monster that terrorized the people of Japan by shitting out pseudo-cowboy losers. *sigh* What was I thinking?? Oh… and, as an afterthought, I wonder if I’m pregnant with his child.”

 

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JabberwockJabberwock She sure does like her “not being pregnant”, huh?

Two little surprises? Awwww, he bought her a couple of midgets. He really is a sweetie after all!

Where the hell does she live, anyway? A marshmallow candy house in the middle of an Rorschach Test?

Damn, so it’s NOT midgets? Well, that’s a disappointment.

“Down there”…? Did he give her athlete’s foot or something? Rugburn on her knees? Be a little more specific, here, Jack.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock “Mrs. Damien? Daughter-in-law of Satan?”

Looks like SOMEone forgot to take their MANIC-DEPRESSIVE pills this morning. What’s with the mood swings? Jack never gets into this, of course. He’s trying to go for a “the people who supported you will turn against you when you need them” type of thing, but he doesn’t really explain any of it at all. WHY does she turn on her? WHY is she acting like a bitch? I don’t understand. It’s just an irrational character personality change to try to paint a generalization about people who try to persuade you into immorality. It’s a mildly sensationalist tactic Chick seems to employ quite often… bizarre character behaviors and dramatic swings thereof. He never quite explains WHY these things are so far off from reality or so out-of-nowhere, he just tosses them in to try to convince people to adopt the opposite mindset and attitude.

In other words, everyone who isn’t a Christian is thoroughly horrible in every possible way.

Wait a minute… again, who the fuck IS this woman?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock …So… she takes the time to explain what the clap is… before she suddenly freaks out, pulls a can of Lysol out of thin air and starts going all “germophobe supernova” on everything. “Hey, what’s this? *holds out package of explosive material with a ticking timer attached*” “Oh, that looks to be a bomb. You know, the bomb was invented in ($blah) and is usually comprised of ($ramble) etc. Oh my god! We have to diffuse it!”

Is this a different woman or something? I’m not understanding this drastic change in personality, here.

I think the other side of her head is exploding. Yeah, I guess so violent an embolism could definitely explain the sudden dramatic personality shift.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock And suddenly we’re back in Dark Dungeons. “I’m fasting and praying for you, Debbie.” Once again, the good Christian is the person who helps out. JUST LIKE IN REALITY!

She’s apparently scared to death that her parents are going to kill her.

I like to think they just sat and stared at each other awkwardly in the ten minutes that elapsed between panels. It’s a lot more fun and far less annoying than thinking of Suzi dragging out her “I had sex with a total jerk, now it feels like i have fire ants living in my vagina and this random woman I hung out with thinks I’m icky” story into ten whole fucking minutes.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock AIDS is spread from one person to another when fluids from an infected person come in contact with fluids from another person. It’s implied that she’s a virgin, so I can believe that there were vaginal tears and things. But if the condom didn’t spill or break (and it obviously didn’t or I’m sure it’d have been mentioned earlier), or if Craig didn’t have any open sores on an area not covered by the condom, I find it hard to believe she could’ve gotten AIDS so easily. This implication that condoms are COMPLETELY useless in protecting against ANYTHING is incredibly retarded. Sure they’re not perfect, but when used properly and nothing goes wrong with them they DO significantly reduce the risks of viral contamination and pregnancy.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Welcome to Retardedville, folks. Now this is just plain fucking STUPID.

Fundamentalists and opponents of condom use claim that there are tiny holes in condoms which allow HIV and other germs and viruses to slip right through. I guess there was an article at some point in Science Magazine that talked about how there were holes in latex surgical gloves, which is probably where Jack is getting this whole “surgical gloves” thing. However, those were surgical gloves, they weren’t condoms. It HAS been found to be true that the rubber used in manufacturing latex gloves have tiny holes smaller than 5 microns in diameter. However, surgical gloves are only dipped once in latex when they are made, and condoms are dipped TWICE.

There’s a “water leakage” test that rubber gloves and condoms are put through in order to test how secure they are. The regulations for gloves are a lot more lax than condoms… gloves are allowed to fail the test at a rate of forty per thousand, but condoms are only allowed four failures per thousand before the ENTIRE BATCH is rejected.

Additionally, the studies done by opponents of condom use have been faulty and inaccurate. The virus particles used in these studies, which reportedly “proved” that condoms were inefficient against prevention of HIV, were 100 million times smaller than the HIV particles responsible for contamination through sexual contact.

Condoms have to pass a series of very strict and thorough quality control tests, since they’re a medical product and are therefore regulated by the FDA. Additionally, the overall quality of condoms is constantly improving.

There have been numerous studies that have consistently proven that condoms do NOT allow HIV to pass through. In fact, these studies have proven that the use of latex condoms during intercourse reduce the risk of transmission of HIV by TEN THOUSAND times. There were research studies conducted in America, Europe, Africa and Asia with couples where one partner was AIDS-infected, the other was not. The studies found that only two percent of couples who used condoms properly and consistently transmitted infection between each other.

So, I’m really sorry, Jack… but you’re TOTALLY FULL of SHIT.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Where’s he pulling this shit from? And who were these supposed “sexologists”? Were they religious fundamentalist sexologists, like all the other “experts” Jack references? If so, their opinions are completely invalid due to their extreme bias. Even if they were unbiased, that 2% failure rate mentioned above would be enough to put me off to trusting my life to a condom. Granted 2% is an incredibly small percentage, but I know my luck well enough not to take chances like that. Big deal… I think a lot of people wouldn’t want to risk having sex with someone they knew had AIDS, even if condoms were made of titanium. People are afraid to even TOUCH someone who is infected with AIDS, for fuck’s sake.

So that doesn’t really tell Susan anything, actually. Shut the fuck up.

Do you REALIZE how much WORSE of a problem sexually-transmitted diseases would be if high schools DIDN’T hand out condoms?

*Slaps forehead* Did someone open up Jack Chick’s head and urinate on his brain or something? How… how is it POSSIBLE… for someone to be so GODDAMNED STUPID? So ABSOLUTELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE EVIDENCE PRESENTED BY THE WORLD AROUND THEM?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock I’m just waiting for the day when the cure for AIDS is finally discovered. Not so much for the whole, you know, relief from a terrible and fatal disease and the aversion of the tragedies caused by it, but because I am really going to love watching all these religious fundamentalist fucktards scramble to find another medical problem to tag as “this is god’s punishment for you being so naughty!”

Man, if we’d have only followed that darned “Thou Shalt Not Haveth Any Contact with Monkeys” thing, AIDS wouldn’t be a problem. AIDS didn’t start just from people screwing each other. There’s some debate as to the exact origins, but it’s basically a generally accepted fact that it had something to do with contact with a primate of some sort. Certain virii can pass from animals to humans, a process known as “zoonosis”. Theories include someone getting bitten by an infected orangutan, or eating some kind of infected monkey for food, or a variety of other primate-related ideas. I mean, it’s not like a guy cheated on his wife or, like, a couple had sex before they were married (*gasp!*) and suddenly, *pop*, AIDS was born! (Also, animals can have STDs. Are animals being “punished” by god for not getting married before they reproduce? Come on.)

Honestly, folks, AIDS has only been around for about twenty years. Sure, other venereal diseases have been in existence since long before the dawn of AIDS, but very few were quite as deadly. Syphilis was deadly during the renaissance but people eventually developed immunities to it that helped avert that outcome of the disease. And even then, it wasn’t because the disease was ultra deadly, it was because Europeans didn’t have the right defenses for it. So where was this “punishment of god for not following the rules of fucking” back then? “Oh, no, you’ll get genital itching! And have to take medicine for a few weeks! You see? Do you see what happens when you have sex with people?”

Look at tuberculosis and other contagious and fatal diseases over the years. What, does god have specific “rules” for breathing that will keep people from getting killed by respiratory diseases? I mean, come on. Do you know how retardedly silly it is to apply some kind of apocalyptic biblical meaning to venereal diseases? Or any kind of disease, for that matter.

And is every disease some kind of “god’s wrath” thing? What’s cancer the punishment for? How about when the white man inadvertantly ended up killing off a shitload of Native Americans by carrying over foreign contagions from Europe? Was there some kind of god-law against people living on this continent before European settlers arrived? I mean, what the hell did they do?

And even if a person was to follow the rules “set up by god”, that still doesn’t mean a person is going to be completely safe from the acquisition of deadly disease. AIDS isn’t only a sexually communicable disease. None of the STDs are really limited to being ONLY sexually communicable. It’s mostly just that genitals are a very sensitive region, and the parts are kinda made of a different material than the majority of the body. Is it really that huge of a surprise that you’re going to be more vulnerable in the most sensitive parts of your body? Herpes can infect your mouth, too, you know. Ever hear of a “cold sore”, Jack? “This is god’s punishment for… uh… sharing a Coke with one of the infeeeected onessss!”

Anyway, you can get AIDS from blood transfusions and other similar non-sexual things, and there are even assholes who’ll prick themselves with a syringe needle and put the thing into the seat cushion at a movie theater to spread their little fun-germ. So you can be a die-hard fundamentalist religious zealot, never having sex save for procreation (and even then, including a “please forgive me” after every moan of “oh, god”, whipping yourself afterwards and taking a week off from work to cry in shame and beg god for forgiveness), and your choosing of seating at a movie theater can turn you into an AIDS-infected member of the foresaken. Of course, maybe I’m just forgetting about some obscure “Thou Shalt Not Sit in the Third Row From the Front, Fifth Seat From the Left” commandment.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock “Go and see my grandfather, Susan. He works at Christ’s Christy Hospital of the Holy Bible on the corner of Fundamentalist St. and God Blvd.”

Man, would you listen to this guy? It’s like he swallowed a TV that was tuned to EWTN.

Most people don’t want to listen to “what god says about sex” because it’s NOT “what god says about sex”. It’s some fucked-up ultrareligious arbitrary rhetoric that’s been perpetuated by morons with a sheeplike mentality who accept whatever they hear without question.

Can you PROVE that “god” said that? If you believe that what these people say “god” said is actually a message from a divine entity, then you have to believe that crazy people and psycho killers have been given “god’s word” as well. Otherwise, you’re a hypocrite. So those kids that that one guy slaughtered really would have grown up to be antichrists and demons, that woman who killed her children really WAS saving them from evil, and half-eaten peanut butter sandwiches and packs of cigarettes are going to be the saviors of humanity. Well, okay… if that’s what you all want to believe.

Do you know that the bible ALSO says that it’s totally cool for a guy to have more than one wife? (Of course, it doesn’t say the same thing about women, which makes it really rather sexist.)

How come she always has an “I so STOOOOPIIIID!!” look on her face?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock I get tired of this “everything that has ever happened ever is a tiny little act of God” mentality.

No, it’s not really “heavy”, it’s actually quite light. I mean, this is microbiology we’re talking about, here. Boy, she really IS an idiot, huh?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock “But now AIDS has hit our land.” It originated in Africa. So, what, like it didn’t matter when it was in Africa, but now that it’s hit “our land” it’s a problem? I don’t like what you’re implying, here, Jack.

She seems pretty damn calm for someone who’s realizing that she’s well on her way to dying. Her exaggerated questioning posture is somewhat inappropriate for the question she’s asking as well. Like… “What me worry?”

Far worse than AIDS? You mean… she’s going to have to meet Jack Chick?

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Huh. I didn’t know AIDS turned people into ditzy-looking ragdolls. Seriously, what the fuck is this supposed to be, Jack? She’s like a China doll with a few extra chromosomes.

Okay, if this guy was my doctor, I’d switch. …to Satanism.

What the hell is with the big black circle in the background? Is he standing inside of her pupil or something? Or, like… “But Jack Chick’s comic isn’t going to be sold in any comic book store. No, his is a work that can only be seen… in the Twilight Zone.”

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Oh, NOW she’s crossing her legs. It’s a little too late for THAT, Suzie.

Blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. (Rant building…)

Oh, come on… I’m sure they’re not ALL screaming. Some of them might be pretty accepting of their fate. Especially if the alternative is having to spend an eternity with such a petty, jealous, angry, wrathful, horrible entity like the fundamentalist depiction of God.

“Unspeakable”? You just mentioned it.

It looks like his head is about to slowly slide down his necktie.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock No, schools don’t care about children. That’s why taxpayers pay so much money for, and why parents send all their kids to, some kind of educational facility: to have their children sit in some dank, filth-strewn shithole where none of the teachers there give a damn about them and nobody learns anything at all. That’s why all the kids behave like primates and cave each other’s heads in with rocks. That’s why there’s no disciplinary action at all and nobody ever gets detention. Bah, they don’t care about children and shaping them into respectable adults. That’s nonsense!

Also, your parents don’t love you. Nobody else does, either. Only JESUS does. Blah blah blah. I have a brain parasite that makes me stupid.

If Jesus really loved everyone so much, would it really matter whether or not people believed in him? If he indeed “died for our sins” with all of his “infinite love”, wouldn’t that apply to EVERYONE, then, regardless of what their beliefs were? Otherwise it’s a conditional “love” and totally contradictory to everything that these Christians keep spouting all the time. And if god was really perfect and infinitely loving, then why would he need continual praise and reassurance that people believed in him and why would he hold these supposed wrathful grudges for so long? Think about it. It’s all so incredibly contradictory.

Urge… to rant… rising…..

 

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JabberwockJabberwock Okay, it’s ranting time.

Hey, maybe we could all just give up everything logical that we have ever known and we can all just switch to believing in blind faith for everything that ever happens ever! Wouldn’t that be cool? Totally ignore the world around us and all the evidence we’re presented with and participate in this giant game of hide and seek where some “True Nature” of everything will only be revealed after we’re dead? Yeah! We don’t have to bother with explanations for anything - we can just use a blanket-explanation for everything! “It’s God’s will! That happened because God wanted it to happen! God said so! (Er, well, through a bunch of people who claimed he said so, and then through a bunch of translations and things.) And the only reason to be a decent human being is because we should be concerned with avoiding eternal punishment!” (Oh, what’s hell for sadomasochists, by the way? I know some people who’d really get off on being whipped for all of eternity. What are you going to do, NOT spank them?)

These morons just accept reported information without question and believe it to be the truth just because some people said it was the truth. This is how they think things like Intelligent Design are real. “Well, a bunch of people say it’s real, so it MUST be, if there are a lot of people who agree that it’s an idea that makes sense!”

Gay people* aren’t the reason terrorists flew their planes into the World Trade Center. Fuck you if you think so. Fuck Jerry Falwell, fuck his mother, fuck his whole goddamned family. May every ill fate that ever has the opportunity to befall him succeed in doing so. Same goes for all his other little televangelist shithead buddies, and all the people whose brains they whitewash on a regular basis. If ANYBODY should be praying for ANYTHING, it should be the slow, painful deaths of these hypocrites who spread hate under the guise of “Christianity” which claims to be all about “love”.

Look at all of the deaths that have been caused for CENTURIES because of these so-called “religious” people who believe they’re right and feel the need to try to force their shit onto other people through extreme methods. Look at Ireland… the Protestants and the Catholics fighting with each other for centuries. Look at the Middle East - it’s been going on there for millenia. Look at the Spanish Inquisition. The Crusades. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. You think you’re the only person who feels your religion is “The One True Faith”? How can we tell which one of you is “right”? Tug of war?

* Regarding homosexuality. If these people are going to persecute gay people, they may as well go after people with fetishes as well. It’s the same thing… some sort of deviance from usual sexual behavior. Here’s an interesting concept: What if someone has a fetish for sucking penis but is totally turned off by the idea of having any kind of sexual relations with a guy? Does that make him gay or does he just have a cocksucking fetish? What about sadomasochists and people with foot fetishes? Fetishes are as hardwired into a person’s sexual psychology and physiology as gender preference. They’re not a choice, they’re not something that can be “cured” or “helped” or whatever, they’re just THERE. People aren’t evil for being fags, and people aren’t evil for wanting to be jerked off with someone’s elbows.

 

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JabberwockJabberwock It’s the famous Insta-Conversion(TM), as seen in all Chick Tracts.

So Jesus wants her to be an AIDS-infected little slut? And I like the doctor’s “you’re a walking corpse, say goodbye”-type attitude.

All it takes is a shitty religious doctor to mention “Jesus” and suddenly she’s a total believer, no questions asked. No wonder that Craig guy had no trouble getting her into the sack. “If you put this snake in your mouth, you’ll get a magical marshmallow creme that’ll make you live forever!”
"Oh, really?"
*HUALGUALGUALGUALGUALGUALGAUGLAGUALGUAL*

From the way she’s drawn, it almost looks like she’s talking to the doctor’s penis. I wonder what he told her in between segments that got left out. “THAT’s Jesus?” “Yep. Accept him into your heart right now. You know… through your mouth like I showed you.”

“For more on helping teens…”? Maybe for very, very loose definitions of “help”.


 

o Conclusion collapse_button

JabberwockJabberwock Jack Chick utilizes something that can best be described as the down syndrome equivalent of logic and reason when he creates these horrible clumps of anal-content. For those of you with fundamentalist friends or acquaintances, I URGE you to send them here. And if you could, not just as a favor to me but as a service to all mankind, if any of you ever see a “Chick Tract” laying around somewhere, write “www.enterthejabberwock.com => dissections” on it.

Bleh. That’s all for this update, folks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and clean all the blood clots and detached chunks of brain tissue out of my head from all the aneurisms and embolisms I had trying to understand Jack Chick’s logic and how people can possibly be so damned stupid. See you next time.

 

o Further Reading collapse_button


 

o Other Reviews & Commentaries collapse_button