Parental Controls


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» October 23, 2023
Not Another Religious Tract Dissection by Boolean Union Studios

Parental Controls(PORN)
Truth For Youth - Parental Controls. Comic #06. Art by Tim Todd - © 2004 Revival Fire

Parental Controls - Truth For Youth #06 (PORN)
Art by Tim Todd - © 2004 Revival Fire Ministries

Is it really a surprise that The Truth for Youth doesn't like porn? Here we are presented with the Christian case against porn, illustrated with an amusing series of Biblically themed porno sites. I didn't know the Bible was so dirty, did you?

First Published: April 16th, 2010


  Jessica   Andrew  




Page Index
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

o Page 1

Page 1
JessicaJessica Marty looks like he's about to start licking the monitor. I didn't think teenage boys had that much of a problem controlling themselves.

Also, take note he has not one-- but TWO earrings in his ear. I guess that makes him extra cool. Is it the right ear or the left ear that means you're gay?
AndrewAndrew Yeah, Marty looks like he’s going to turn into a Tex Avery character.

Webserver controls? Is that how it’s done now? Back in the day it was Net Nanny. Of course, in many households, the children are the only ones savvy enough to operate such software, leading to an obvious problem.


o Page 2

Page 2
JessicaJessica Jesse seems to be overreacting here. "No! Not the porn! IT BURNS!!!"
AndrewAndrew “Your Jesus is powerless against the mighty force of pr0n!”


o Page 3

Page 3
JessicaJessica They did everything in their power to make Jesse's dad look S-L-E-A-Z-Y. He might as well be wearing a shirt that says "Lotharios do it in the dirt!" on it.
AndrewAndrew I would love to hear what Jesse’s explanation would have been, if “Pops” weren’t such a letch. Does he throw his friend under the bus, or does he go with the old “we were sitting here quietly, reading about puppies, apple pie, and soccer, and suddenly, whammo! We accidentally visited twenty adult sites!”
JessicaJessica Browser hijacking. Gets 'em everytime.


o Page 4

Page 4
JessicaJessica I happen to be a very adamant supporter of pornography, but I don't know how I feel about actively encouraging one's children to look at the stuff. And of course, all porn is certainly not equal. I don't care how egalitarian a parent you happen to be there's some stuff no one should be looking at. Especially not a teenager.

And while we're on the topic, let's point out that these are in fact teenagers. Fifteen or sixteen year olds it looks to be. We aren't talking about elementary school children. In just a few short years these kids will be in college and can look at all the porn they want. Trying to put a clinch on that is just delaying the inevitable.
AndrewAndrew Instead of deliberately encouraging their kids to surf porn, a more likely scenario is that the parent doesn’t have enough time to monitor their kids’ internet usage, and they hope for the best.

But that wouldn’t have been nearly as easy, since it’s harder to vilify an overworked parent. Instead, they’ve got to create the most ridiculous caricature out of their opponents. Makes it easier to knock them over, almost like some kind of dummy, like a man… made of some kind of… lightweight material…


o Page 5

Page 5
JessicaJessica I think they got the idea that just by saying "God doesn't like to watch you masturbate" they weren't going to get many people to listen to them. So here we get the meat of the moral. If you watch porn you'll disrespect women and be unable to form meaningful relationships. Nothing to do with the fact you may just be a pig. It's the porn. I am sure if Mr. Flintner hadn't seen that "Oui" magazine that one day after sunday school he would have gone on to become a rape crisis counselor instead of a tragic fashion victim.
AndrewAndrew I tend to think the causality runs in the opposite direction from what they assume here- if you have a disrespect of women, you’ll be drawn to certain kinds of porn.
JessicaJessica "Eve's Garden of Eden Girlies" I don't think porn sites are THAT specialized. They typically arrange themselves along the lines of "Hardcore" or "Voyeur" or "Tentacle Porn."

Regardless, I would visit that site. In a heartbeat.


o Page 6

Page 6
JessicaJessica From the sounds of this Marty is a dick. "Hey! I know we aren't really friends and barely even know each other, but you want to come over my place and look at 'Soccer' websites? <wink><wink><nudge><nudge>" Then he gets all pushy like "Look at my porn! Look at my porn! LOOK at my PORN!!!"

And Jesse is a gullible enough dumbass to fall for it.
AndrewAndrew Jesse came over to witness, and Marty wanted to watch porn. What an awkward night that is.

Marty is one thing, but Jesse comes off as a sort of insta-friend who talks to you not because they care about you personally, but because they want to push Jesus. I think we all knew that kid. Honestly, if Marty has a porno problem this bad, the other kids probably know about it. When I was in high school, everyone knew the kids who had access to porn, and people were always trying to get it from them.
JessicaJessica Seriously, for most kids in High school, getting invited to Marty's house would be an honor and a privilege. His dad doesn't give a shit and you just KNOW he's got booze in the house. Sounds like party central to me.


o Page 7

Page 7
JessicaJessica For Christ's sake (literally), he's acting like looking at it is going to turn him to stone or something.

Yes, and the proscription against eating the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was arbitrary and pointless... and so is the opposition to pornography. I'll take Meaningless Rules for $200, Alex!


o Page 8

Page 8
JessicaJessica Jesse looks like he's trying to part the Red Sea ("Let my boobies go!!!!), while Marty just looks more and more maniacal. Soon he's going to start humping the CPU tower.


o Page 9

Page 9
JessicaJessica And now "Bathsheba's Bad Bathing Babes." Is there a whole subculture of alliterative, biblical themed specialty porn I am not familiar with? Can someone get me a URL or something?
AndrewAndrew Just as likely our friends at Truth for Youth have no idea what porn is like and so chose some of the more salacious episodes out of the Bible. But no Song of Solomon? I guess that’s not porno because it’s godly.

You know, when I did a search for “Bathsheba” in Google, the dirtiest thing I found is Rembrandt’s “Bathsheba at her Bath.” Interwebs, I am dissapoint.


o Page 10

Page 10
JessicaJessica For the last time... looking at naked women and politically maneuvering a guy into dying in a war so that you can boff his wife are not the same thing.
AndrewAndrew David and Bathsheba is kind of a sidestep from the porno issue. David’s problem, as I understand it, was lust for another man’s wife, not that he was looking at porn on some primitive version of The Hun.
JessicaJessica Watch it Jesse. It looks like Marty's about to snap!


o Page 11

Page 11
JessicaJessica First sensible thing out of anyone's mouth in the whole comic. They are "just pictures." Looking at them does not inevitably lead to treating women like garbage. That is the result of your own choices.
AndrewAndrew Romans 6:23, by the way is “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” King James, of course. Looks like they’ve gone from trying to convince us porn will ruin our lives to convincing us that porn will send us to Hell. Oh Truth for Youth, do you have any other tricks up your sleeve?
JessicaJessica It's one of those verses that's on the list they like to quote over and over again, along with John 3:16.

And God's word is also REALLY clear about bats being birdsinsects having four legs and stoning disobedient children to death. You're going to be in trouble when you get home, young man.


o Page 12

Page 12
JessicaJessica Another good point from Marty. Yes, God did make you this way. To create humans to want to have sex and then to say "Oh, by the way, don't do it!" is about as cruel as you can get.
AndrewAndrew We choose to sin, but we were born with instincts that make us want to have sex. God gets to have it both ways. If I might quote from “Devil’s Advocate” (1997):

John Milton: Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!


o Page 13

Page 13
JessicaJessica Looks like he's finally had enough of his priggish self-righteousness. About time.

And why does he insist on spelling it "pix" all the time? Do they think that is the proper spelling, or are they just trying too hard to be cool?
AndrewAndrew “Pix” takes me back to those halcyon days of 1996 when images had to be compressed all to hell so that you could make a 23k .gif image that even so would barely fit in the pipeline. These days it’s image boards or video host sites, and nobody calls them “pix”.
JessicaJessica Only thing it reminds me of is "Pix or it didn't happen."


o Page 14

Page 14
JessicaJessica <grumble><grumble><murmur> ANGER! <mumble><murmur>

"Hugh Flintner" Haw Haw. Someone's references are paper thin.
AndrewAndrew You know, while our pal Flintner here seems to be held up as an example of what will happen to you if you consume too much porn, his namesakes are both successful businessmen. Ok, Flynt is in a wheelchair, but that’s the result of an assassination attempt by a white supremacist who was upset that Hustler depicted mixed race couplings. I guess you could say it’s because of porn, but that’s a gross simplification.


o Page 15

Page 15
JessicaJessica "All women are worthless" It's such a shame that Hugh has never read the bible to learn the true value of women.


o Page 16

Page 16
JessicaJessica HOLY SHIT!!! Jesse's dad is Barack Obama! I told you he wasn't a muslim!


o Page 17

Page 17
JessicaJessica If you are having trouble controlling your urges, go to your pastor, he'll straighten you out.

Has there ever been anyone, in the history of forever, that has been pathetic enough to call a pornography addiction hotline?
AndrewAndrew I like this style of dialog where we’re ignoring our son’s problems to address a potential problem for someone else that might be listening. Are YOU a Christian with a pornography addiction? Contact this hotline right out of James 5:16 (which is not about porno. I was disappointed.)
JessicaJessica Jesse: "I-I tried to not look... but... the boobies!!! They taunted me so!!! I can feel them inside my head! BEHIND MY EYES!!!"

(o) (o): "Yes... we have always been there... allllwaaaaaysssss..."


o Page 18

Page 17
JessicaJessica Thanks Jesus. Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. In that order. Ungrateful little shit...

"Here's some other scriptures to remember the next time you get duped into going over to some nutjobs house to look at hooters."
AndrewAndrew Yeah, for next time what? Give Jesse a few days, and he’ll find himself back over at Marty’s house, looking at “soccer” pictures- or excuse me, “pix”. “Yeah baby, dribble those balls, shoot it right in the goal. Oh SCOOOOOORE!!”

(oh come on, it’s not like Passes and Plays is any better.)
JessicaJessica Moneyshot.


o Conclusion

AndrewAndrew Jesse’s Christianity is so fragile that depictions of naked people threaten it. Of course Marty’s porno problem is bad, and his father is a reprobate- they were written that way. You know, the problem with “witnessing to the fallen” is that you have to deal with people who have issues. Personally, I’ve found a lot of Christians have very little tolerance for people who behave differently or who have different values, even though these are the people they are supposed to be saving. On the one hand, this helps keep the God-botherers off people’s backs, but one can’t help but find it a bit hypocritical.
JessicaJessica Yeah. You know, I recall Jesus hanging out with hookers and lepers and tax collectors (???) and what not. It seems like these people have a conflict here where they are told to go out and minister to the nations, but at the same time have it drilled into them to "avoid all appearances of evil" so they can't actually get really involved with any unbelievers.

Does not compute.


o Further Reading