Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people 15-24. In recent years, due to teens having to deal with a one two punch of old fashioned bullying and cyber bullying, teen suicide is something we are seeing in the news a lot lately. Teen suicide is a subject that must be addressed and handled. The ice needs to be broken with a sober and thorough dialogue. And who better to broach the subject with than Jack T. Chick?

Knowing Jack, he'll probably handle it the same way he always does: With the subtlety and class of a hydrogen bomb. In all seriousness (Don't worry, it won't last) this is not a subject to be taken lightly, but rather delicately as we outline the problems these poor kids face today and try to help them through it. Or we could turn this into another opportunity to pitch salvation to them.

...and in today's off broadway theatre production of "Punch Out" the role of Little Mac will be played by Lance N. Nobody while the role of Coach Doc Louis will be played by a random demon.

Now I understand why this kid wants to commit suicide. A demon is tea bagging his shoulder blades.

He looks less fearless, and more like he's trying to hitch-hike. Maybe he'll be picked up by Satanists and drained of his blood. Nice demon by the way, he looks like Curly Howard in cheap body paint and horns, it's easy to see why the kid isn't afraid.

He's going to do "IT" Friday night. I'd imagine a boy his age would be doing "IT" every night. Sometimes twice or even thrice a night.

And she's going to do it during his funeral. Ok, babe. Whatever yanks your crank.

DO IT.

Just do it!

"No Fear"... now there's a timeless and completely culturally relevant reference.  Bravo, Mr. Chick. Bravo.

It's almost like it's suppose to suggest he wants to kill himself just to be bad ass. Which would be just stupid... so given that it's a Chick Tract that's probably the case.

Don't you know? Killing yourself is the ultimate act of being a badass. Chuck Norris, Mister T, and Segata Sanshiro all commit suicide on a regular basis just to prove how tough they are.

“No Fear” is a clothing line founded in 1989. The company’s target customers were geared towards those who participated in Extreme sports like, snowboarders, skater boys, surfers…or at least the kids who wanted to be just like them. Here, the clothing line and it’s slogan seem to be portrayed as some dark cult. Far as I can tell, “No Fear” never endorsed suicide. Unless non directly encouraging some kid to plant his kisser on the pavement after attempting to surf the handrails of a flight of stairs outside the bank counts. But I still don’t understand why Chick is picking on them?

All I can picture is Chick’s crotchety old ass walking down the street and almost getting clipped by a skater, wearing the No Fear logo and cursing the brat. “No Fear…fucking youth culture! grumble grumble…Well I got something for them...Yeah I definitely have something for them.”

"Bitch... didn't you hear what I just said? I said NO ONE!!!"

Dolly: “I just want to tell my little sister, so I will not only emotionally scar her with my suicide, but in addition, for the rest of her life, she will be racked with guilt over the notion that perhaps she could have prevented my death somehow.”

Lance: “Kind of mean, don’t you think?”

Dolly: “That’s what the bitch deserves for borrowing my favorite blouse without asking that one time.”

A demon saying "Amen." Hyuk. Hyuk.

We never do get any sort of idea of just why it is these two Mensa candidates want to off themselves. It seems like it's being insinuated that people just do this. Like, for fun or something.

GAAH!! Look at the mug on that demon! I might be looking too much into this, but doesn't his face look kinda Anti-Semitic?

“Being a healthy, middle class white kid in suburban America with their whole lives ahead of them and virtually limitless opportunities… ANYTHING has got to be better than THIS!”

Better than this? Dude, there are people who live in apartments smaller than your bedroom. The two of you are apparently in a relatively healthy (If suicidal) relationship. You don't have to worry about your finances since your parents take care of everything. And as far as the art style allows, you both seem to be pretty good looking. Why the hell do you want to kill yourself?

So, I guess these demons live with him. In his house. Do they pay rent? Are these two demons just assigned to this one stupid teenage kid? That would be the crappiest job ever!

Maybe that's what Hell really is. Menial, pointless, mind-numbing labor for all eternity.

Wait, there are two demons here, but where are the guardian angels? No wonder the devil gets more souls. He puts two workers on every wayward soul. Them demons be on they grind!. The competition be slackin’!

Lance is so psyched! He's like "I am FUCKING doing this!" Do the Dew, Lance!!!!

If you're trying to make this into display of machismo Lance, don't go with the noose. Go out like a man and try something like driving at full speed into a brick wall, or setting yourself on fire. Remember: you can only do this once, so make it spectacular.

At first I was thinking “Why do these demons look like knockoffs of Casper’s Uncles? Wouldn’t it be more effective if Lance’s demons were of the 70s rock album cover ilk?”

But then, I realized Chick’s limitations as an artist.

Mercifully we skip the part where Lance's corpse voids it's bowels all over the floor and then gets an erection. Though if Chick really wanted to swear people off of suicide he should have left that little tidbit in.

Um... thanks for sharing that.

Oh, yes. Please go on!

"...and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

Honestly, the Hellfire doesn't sound so bad, but an eternity with these chuckleheads really would be torture.

It wasn't supposed to be this way!!! It was supposed to be a thing of beauty!!! Not this abomination!!!

What do you mean it wasn’t supposed to happen like this? Who told you how it was supposed to be? Did you get your ideas from The ‘No Fear’ Manual to Suicide and the Afterlife?

I think Jack T. Chick’s message here is that you should never place any credence in information about the afterlife based on information from a book written by mere mortal men who purport to know of such things….Oh…wait...

I'm... I'm sorry. But that demon just isn't scary. I know they were trying to juxtapose the goofy and the terrifying but he just comes out looking constipated in that panel.

I am not a big guy by any stretch of the word, but I'm pretty sure I could take these demons. Plus, Hell's gotta be full of Spartans, Samurai, Shaolin Monks, Mongolians, Apache and various other tough warriors from all over the world. Without the ability to die, what's to stop them from just beating the shit out of these pudgy guys and taking over hell themselves? Sorry Jack, I'm not terrified, not when you portray the forces of hell with the same amount of dignity as the 3 stooges.

So.... if you believe in Jesus Christ and commit suicide do you get to go to Heaven? Is that how this works?

Stop drop and roll, kid. Stop drop and roll.

<snerk> The "AAAHHH... My leg's on fire!" reminds me of something funny.

Is it just me, or is Lance doing the Thriller Dance there?

Now the 2nd panel confuses me: If he’s burning, why is he now invisible? Or is has he fallen so far into the dark pit of  Hell that now even his flaming soul is enveloped by darkness? That’s deep…literally.

I think that "YAAAAAHH" is about as popular as " HAW HAW HAW" when it comes to regular catch phrases in these things.

"I'm Burning!" Captain obvious strikes again. Wow, Chick has really gotten lazy with that last panel.

The sister knew about her plans to commit suicide during the funeral but waits UNTIL the actual funeral to bring it up to anyone? I think someone was banking for a larger room and a little more parental attention.

I like how she doesn’t call him “Reverend” or “Pastor”. She calls him “Preacher”….The only boy that could ever love Dolly’s little sister…was the son of a preacher man.

...AND she forgot her keys! This couldn't be anymore obvious if she had tied the noose herself.

It’s nice that Jack demonstrates the Preacher’s humble lifestyle by giving him a modest family vehicle. Because the clergy are known for their reticent lifestyles.

Once again we have bible thumpers praying as they're driving. Here's a hint: Focusing on your driving will get you there faster and more safely than if you pray about it.

Super Preacher™!!!

*Who is the man… who kicks in door’s for God’s plan?

 PREACH!

You God damn right.

(*Sung to the tune of “Shaft” by Issac Hayes)

BIG JIM SLAAAaaa...

nah, it's just not the same. Preacher here looks less like he's kicking the door, and more like a member of the Ministry of Silly Walks Also, Dolly seems to have the Hippy Hippy Shakes.

It looks like Super Preacher and the world's worst sister interrupted Dolly in the middle of doing the Batusi up on the couch, there.

I think the preacher was just looking for a good excuse to get an upskirt shot and cop a feel there.

Whoa! Dolly, you’re hair is looking kind of thin on top there! I was going to say she looked like Alice Cooper, but I think Chick was going more for the Kevin Dubrow look here.

Based on the pain lines and preacher's expression. Dolly is hurting him by um... squeezing his hand and the top of his head? This guy just kicked down a door and now he's getting hurt this easily? Those must have been some pretty shitty hinges.

You can't see her face, but you can tell the sister is soooo pissed her plan to usurp Dolly's Spice Girls CD collection fell through.

Dolly: <clears throat>“Throat. Kind of sore. You got a lozenge or something?”

Whoa that's one big nose! It's really becoming more apparent that Chick hasn't been outside in many years, already he's forgetting what human beings look like.

No kidding. He could give Judge Barnstead a run for his money.

TL;DR - Hell sucks. Don't go there.

*Get's up* Might as well make a snack run during this part. It's not like I'm missing anything important.

Talking windows.... yet again.

Once again: she's been going to church for years, lives in bible belt America, and must have been exposed to the core principles of Christianity at least a thousand times, and she's never heard about how bad Hell is. Not sure how she can manage that.

Her eyes are going to fly right out of her skull and plaster that preacher in the face. Maybe she's sneezing with her eyes open.

Who told you that death was one big after party in the afterlife? Was it that mischievous John Todd again? That little rapscallion! Don’t you know you can’t trust a darn thing that guy says?

"How can I make sure I don't go to hell?" "What about Lance?" "Fuck 'em."

Boy this girl is very trusting. "Someone told me that Hell is a big party, I'm going to kill myself!" "Wait, this one person told me it isn't, so now I won't!" If she ever walked by Speaker's Corner I think her head would explode.

“Those dirty Buddhists, Muslims, and Jews will never get into Heaven…And you know who else are scum? The homosexuals. And don’t get me started on the Catholics. And the poor…”

 “Yes, Pastor, only  us Christians deserve the glory of God”

“What? No, are you kidding me? We are the worst of all...My congregation is a bunch backsliding of hypocrites. Practically screwing on the dance floor in da club on Saturday Night, in church on Sunday morning. We’re SCUM! Take me for example: I spend half my time writing sermons and doing good works on behalf of the church! The other half donating my time to various community service or down at the soup kitchen bringing food to the homeless. But sometimes I have…naughty thoughts about my wife! I am like a dirty rag unto the glory of God! I am a dirty, semen soaked rag! SCUM. SCUM. SCUM!”

Preacher looks a little like Pee-Wee Herman in that first panel. Just pointing that out.

We all deserve to go to hell... in the system God set up. Why doesn't anyone ever see the inherent problem with this?!?

God will never allow sin into Heaven! I mean, he's only the guy who invented it and being omnipotent he likely knew what was going to happen when he did it. So yeah, God's an asshole.

...and now the cat is pulling a full-on Linda Blair. There is some serious unsound schniz going on in this town.

“You are bound for hell, but I can tell you how you can avoid that fate. Now listen closely… Your eternal soul hinges on this information. But first, look at the funny cartoon cat perform silly hijinks.”

Charlie Manson's little sister there has gone and caught herself a serious case of Navel Mouth that always seems to run rampant in these comics.

This is something that's always bugged me. So God invents sin, the Devil, and Hell. Then he says he doesn't want people to go there. His solution? Come up with one obtuse method and rely on human beings to make sure it's spread. If the whole ordeal happened in 33 AD as many claim, this means that places like Japan would never hear of Jesus for over 1500 years. Surely there are much more efficient ways about this, like just willing sin out of existence. But hey, I'm not a God, if I were then deep frying would be healthy.

Chick Tracts... providing you with %100 of your daily recommended allowance of John 3:16.

“It is finished! All of the children are safe and will be delivered to Heaven when they leave this earth. Okay not all of them.  And it is true that before my crucifixion and resurrection, I damned all of my creations to hell based on the actions of two people…but now they have the sliver chance of coming to Heaven! They just have to listen to jerkoffs like Jack T. Chick for the rest of their lives.”

Seen it. NEXT!

It's Fang again! And he can see our semi-transparent demons. This combined with the fact that that dog has been around for nearly 40 years and hasn't aged a day makes me think he works for Old Hob as well.

Yes, Dolly. He died to pay for all of your sins. Especially your dirty sins... Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!

But how old is Dolly? Fourteen, fifteen at the max? What’s the worst that she’s done? Illegally download Justin Beiber songs to her mp3 player and tease her sister?

Yet another talking window. I guess focusing on the demons doing absolutely nothing was much more important than the main plot (So to speak).

I have seen flies that eat shit that can't muster a shit-eating grin as good as this guy right here.

That face looks very familiar... Problem Satan?

“Preach, you have frightened the living shit out of me! Sign me up!”

“Gulp! Me too!”

Homicidal Sister: I want to get it settled to!!! That way, I can lull her back into my confidence and slowly poison her to death with strychnine in her Lucky Charms.

“Now I’m going to Disney World!”

Now we've reached the salvation part of our tract. Soon she will be killed in some way and end up in Heaven just like Crazy Wolf, Denzel and Mandy.

...or not.

This one could best be described as Chick Tract tofu: all the nutrients are still there, but none of the awesome insanity flavoring that we get from the really crazy stuff like Dark Dungeons. Just like when he tackled the topic of zombies, he shoves the theme to the side quickly and focuses too much on the usual shtick. I wouldn't even call this one entertainingly bad, it's just dull.

This was bare bones, a typical Chick tract, with the complex issue of teen suicide drafted as the Sin of the Week. The subject of suicide is never delved into seriously at all, except to paint obviously troubled and damaged teens as a bunch of reckless assholes who think suicide is cool. The diagnosis and treatment are the same as any other sin in any other tract. Take two prayers and call Preacher in the morning. Yep, a typical Chick tract.