Special thanks to "Comics with Problems" for the scans!

I haven't read ahead, so I am making the following prediction: this first, nearly blank page will be not only less offensive, but more factually correct and more artistically accomplished than any of the pages to follow.

Okay... I do wish to apologize on the huge delay here. It's literally been years since we've touched the first part of this... thing. There is a reason for that, and I'm afraid you all know exactly what it is. Put simply, this is the worst thing we've ever had to dissect. Even the worst of Jack Chick does not compare to this, and yes this includes both "It's not your fault" and "Lisa". It's not the balls to the wall homophobia in of itself, it's the fact that there is literally nothing to it aside from it. This is not something that's easy to make fun of. I would very much like to thank our guest today, because nobody should have to sit through Dick Haefer, at least not without severe intoxication. (6 pints of Guinness and enough Hash to make Willie Nelson seem like a lightweight. Bring it on, Dick) Let's have a premature round of applause for Steve Shives, because we may as well scrape up whatever joy we can.

Putting aside the fact that you can't get AIDS from casual contact, I don't think a potato sack is going to help much.

Happily, the prognosis for HIV patients is not nearly so dire today as it was thirty years ago when this comic was produced. An HIV-positive person who is able to receive antiretroviral treatment (ART) under the care of a doctor can expect to live a relatively normal life. Current methods of controlling the virus are effective, and research into new treatments that could be capable of eradicating HIV infection is ongoing. If the virus is detected and controlled, it doesn't have to lead to full-blown AIDS, which is what our hysterical friends in this comic are so concerned about.

It's true that there's a correlation between Gay men and HIV. A lot of this has to do with the act of anal sex carrying a greater risk of transmission and the fact that until HIV was discovered Gay men had no real reason to need condoms. However, another statistic sort of makes this argument moot; Gay Women have the lowest risk of transmission and make up the smallest percentage of HIV positive individuals.

Yeah... I think we mentioned before that Dick Hafer doesn't even try to pretend to believe in that whole "Hate the sin, love the sinner" shtick.

"Remember: heterosexuals are completely without blame, always. It's the gays and the bisexuals who have brought this plague upon us, and as long as we stay clear of THEM, we'll be fine."

Ahh, the ignorant, fear-fueled bigotry of the '80s. Good thing people aren't like this any more, eh? EH? . . . Eh.

Worst. Schoolhouse Rock. Episode. Ever.

Yeah sure, a magnifying glass is all you need to scan a blood sample. I think he should pay more attention to the fact that his patient is hemorrhaging all over the place.

Given his striking Widow's Peak and encyclopedic knowledge of human blood, Larry's starting to give me a serious Dracula vibe. Christopher Lee must be spinning in his grave.

Re-enactment of the food poisoning scene from AIRPLANE in 3, 2, 1 . . .

What's the point of running away from the one doomed guy if you're already carrying the virus? It doesn't even work as a gag.

And yet they throw a huge fit when we try to implement a single payer health care system.

Potential origins for the HIV virus and its method of jumping from simians to humans are discussed here. You will note that even though the "conspiracy theory" is addressed at no point is it mentioned that it may have come from acts of bestiality. So that little illustration there is just spurious.

Notice the (very likely) possibility that the virus jumped from chimps to humans as a result of humans killing and eating chimps isn't even alluded to. Because that would place at least part of the responsibility on the shoulders of humans. And, I suppose, eating chimp meat isn't nearly as lurid as the suggestion that bestiality had something to do with it. For Hafer, if humans had any active hand in transmitting the virus from chimps to themselves, it had to have been in an act of sexual perversion. The theme of "this is all the fault of those degenerates" is essential to his narrative.

Also: Fuck off and take "normal folks" with you, Dick.

Notice that when he uses the term "Normal People" he also excludes the Hemophiliacs. That's a bit uh... dickish. (Look, cut me some slack, this comic's giving us nothing to work with.)

"What about the straight people?! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE?!"

Why does ... actually have we ever heard a name for the gay guy?

Jack Chick often has to be reminded of this fact too, but TIME magazine is not a scientific journal.

Okay, I call Bullshit. There is no way this anecdote is true. Do you seriously expect me to believe that a happily married couple can go 30 years without sex? Maybe if they were over a hundred years old, but 72-30=42 or Middle Age. It might not be that regularly, but middle aged couples do have sex you know!

And this one unsubstantiated case is proof positive that HIV can be transmitted through kissing, right?

Not to be callous, but if you go bareback in a prostitute you can't really complain if you catch an STD. Also, nice slut shaming there Dick.

"Here's how it works...." No, no isn't.

While this was a somewhat legitimate fear, it turns out you can't catch HIV from Mosquitos.

Why is a Cancer Institute contributing money to study the transmission of AIDS?

We have to appeal not only to our audience's fear of homosexuals but their habit of military worship as well.

Wow 50 cases, that's totally cause for alarm. Tylenol kills almost 3 times as many people each year.

He's wearing make-up and earrings, see. So he's definitely 1) Gay, and 2) Unfit for the military.

Right? No other way to see it.

Uh... yeah, even if they turn out to be HIV positive, that doesn't necessarily mean they're gay. You just went through the ways heterosexuals can catch it.

You know, for all his venom-spewing homophobic rhetoric, Dick Hafer draws some rather phallic looking tanks.

How would a fireman know that you are gay? Despite what Dick Hafer believes not all gay people are mincing stereotypes.

Also... raincoat? WTF?

Dick Hafer telling us about the dangers of fear and rejection is like Elizabeth Taylor teaching us how to have a healthy marriage.

Oh thank God, a blank page. No hate speech is good hate speech.

I once caught the flu from a gay guy who sneezed in my general vicinity. Does that count?

Hep B is a pretty standard STD that carries no severe correlation towards Gay men the way HIV does. Even if there was (and at the time there may have been), the fact that Gay men, as stated earlier, do not have the same need for condoms that straight couples do (Homosexuality is the only 100% effective method of birth control).

Someone should really fire that nurse. She's carrying a collection of biohazardous materials in a test tube rack one handed without any kind of lid. Also, we have developed many ways to treat Hepatitis over the years, especially that vaccine you mentioned in passing.

No, HIV is not contained in saliva, mucus, urine or sweat. Period.

This is a very unorthodox interpretation of the phrase "Love thy neighbor".

Why is Amebiasis wearing a bandolier and a sombrero? There a reason he turned it into a horrible Mexican stereotype?

Right, because gay men never wash their hands.

Are you a hetero person with gonorrhea? Don't worry -- it's probably a gay person's fault.

Why do I get the feeling that Dick Hafer wrote this section as a way to explain to his wife why they both got Gonorrhea?

The dog is at risk, too, because gay people fuck dogs.

Classy implication there.

Fun Fact: I always imagined Chester sounding like Jason Alexander, Jerry Seinfeld as Larry and... the other guy (reference fully intended) being played by Michael Richards. Now you'll never be able to unsee that, have fun!

Holy shit, you guys. That's one of the ugliest, foulest, most irresponsible, most hideously bigoted things I've ever read. Thanks so much for the invitation! I think I'll go spend the rest of my life under a hot shower.

Thanks for your help Steve, I doubt we could have suffered through it without you.

Well there you have it, more Dick Hafer, still the same big ol' ball of unapologetic hate speech we covered years ago. If you don't hear from me again, it's because I succumbed to alcohol poisoning and died a substantially less painful death.