Tract Dissections by Boolean Union Studios


Today's Candidate:


No Fear?
© 2012 Jack Chick

Uploaded April 18th, 2012



Many claim excessive heat buildup will destroy the earth. They're right, but it's not coming the way they expect.

Page Index

Introduction
Cover | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21
Conclusion



"Global Warming" is Chick's latest attempt to address issues he feels are both significant and important. This tract has no overarching plot and merely tries to throw information at us like a grade school film strip. He tries so hard to be humorous, but all he manages to eek out are some pathetic, half-assed cameos that make almost no sense in (or out) of context.


Introduction
Jessica:

I never have, and don't believe I ever will understand just what it is about global climate change that gets conservative Christians panties all in a twist. Unfortunately, this tract is so nonsensical it really doesn't make any head room towards helping me out.

 

   
   
   

Cover Jessica:

Well isn't that cute. Why not put an exploding thermometer in it's mouth and go totally juvenile with it? Or you could opt for something cool.

 

   
   
   

Page 1 Jessica:

...aaaaand that's Al Gore... with a shitty little mustache. WTF?

 

Tim:

It’s interesting how Jack Chick interprets An Inconvenient Truth as Al Gore and a bunch of heathen secularists giving us an ultimatum instead of  what it is: a documentary that presents factual data poured over by scientists for years. Plant more trees and stop producing greenhouse gases. What’s wrong with that message?

 

Sean:

Trying to make Al Gore look like Big Brother, eh Jackie? Considering he's hardly in any position of power at the moment, that's really not going to work.

 

   
   

Page 2
Tim:

“Us little people”? Check out the inferiority complex on Jack. Those scientists, with all their research, proven theories and study, making you feel a little dumb, Jack? Come on man. Just be secure in who YOU are.

 

Sean:

Hang on... is this the cast from "Young Frankenstein"? Yeah, the kids of today are really going to get that reference.

 

Tim:

Are they right?” Well, let’s do a study of our own, Jack. …Do you really think that the exhaust from cars and emissions from smokestacks do no harm to our environment?

 

Jessica:

Chick thinks Prime-time television is bad for our environment.

 

   

Page 3 Tim:

The people were “terrified” of the Church? Of course they were, Jack. The Church claimed to speak on behalf of God. This reminds me of another person who uses fear tactics to get people into the Church…I can’t think of his name…It’s on the tip of my tongue.

 

Sean:

Oh Jack, you just couldn't resist taking another crack at the Catholic Church could you? Doesn't matter what your topic is: Global Warming, Premarital Sex, or D&D, you always come back to Catholicism.

 

   
   
   

Page 4 Sean:

Hey, look who's popped up in Medieval times, it's Fang!

 

Jessica:

Well, they were dumb-asses for thinking giving a bunch of your stuff to some shysters would prevent the apocalypse. Of course, a thousand years on we don't seem to be doing much better.

 

   
   

Page 5 Tim:

Blind faith. Check Giving more tithe to the church than you have to give. Check. Clergy taking advantage of their congregation’s contributions. Check. How is this different than your average non Catholic Christian church again?

 

Sean:

Gee, does this sound familiar?

 

Tim:

If you look at this from a believer’s standpoint, the peasants are the worst kind of jerk: You give God all of your offerings before he ends your world. He’s so pleased by your offerings that he decides to spare you all and postpone the end of the world… And now you want to take the offerings back? Bunch of jerks.

 

Sean:

Uhh... guys? Look at the sky right behind you. It looks like you're having a killer storm, I wouldn't call all clear just yet. Oh wait, never mind. Bad artwork strikes again.

 

   

Page 6 Tim:

You mean Nostradamus’ predictions were “enhanced” for TV? Those sons of bitches!

 

Jessica:

Hey, if you can't trust 16th century television producers who can you trust, right?

 

Sean:

Why are 500 year old failed prophecies considered bull, while 2000 year old ones are given a free ride?

 

   

Page 7 Tim:

Chick had to take this errant shot at “Muslims-as-terrorists”, even though it didn’t have a thing to do with this story. Well, you can’t have a Chick Tract without a side order of xenophobia.

 

Sean:

Speaking as someone who (as of writing this) lives in London. I can safely say that the Muslim population is nowhere near as large as Mr. Chick would have you believe. Yes, there are quite a lot of Middle-Eastern immigrants who live here, but there are also large amounts of people from other areas of the world. In fact, there are more immigrants coming from Africa and other parts of Asia. So yeah, saying that "Muslims are taking over the UK" is about as accurate as saying that Cubans are taking over the US.

 

   
   

Page 8 Tim:

Okay, the joke about wanting a tuna sandwich while standing amongst dead and rotting sea life is so dark that it is almost funny. But then the unfunny “fishy” pun just cancels it out…And can we get some info about the environment from the last ten years? And from someone who actually studied this? Bernt Balchen was an aviator and a consultant for oil companies, not an ecologist. He just hung out in the Artic a lot.

 

Sean:

3.82 million square miles? Source please? According to a little organization called "NASA" the Polar Ice caps weren't even 3 million square KILOMETERS, let alone miles, in 2000. While this may still seem like a lot, it's a significantly less amount than the 4.5 million of 1981, and it's only gotten worse.

 

   
   

Page 9 Tim:

According to scientists, heavy snowfall is consistent with man-made global warming. Increased moisture in the air - a result of global warming - can lead to increased snowfalls.

 

Sean:

Which is why they tend to use the more accurate term "Climate Change" nowadays. The problem isn't that we're only getting warmer weather, but that we're getting greater extremes in temperature.

 

Jessica:

Case in point, we just had 85 degree weather in the middle of April over here in Maryland. That's not normal.

 

   
   

Page 10 Tim:

Chick took a swipe at the Occupy Movement! What’d they ever do to him?

 

Sean:

I love the guy in the 30's working class clothing in the corner. Neat little stab at socialism there.

 

   
   
   

Page 11 Jessica:

What in the hell is that... THING... standing behind Hillary Clinton(?) there?

 

Sean:

There are more Christian Scientists than there are Wiccan ones. I'm pretty sure even Jack is aware of this simple fact.

 

Jessica:

The prudes drew the Venus of Willendorf but blurred out her special places? Jesus Christ.

 

   

Page 12 Tim:

No country or organization ever claimed to be able to control the climate. Environmentalists want to preserve the resources we have…Is Chick saying that he is in favor of deforestation, smog and general pollution?

 

Sean: No, I think it's a case of "We're not going to be here much longer, so it doesn't matter". Remember, he thinks the Biblical Apocalypse is just around the corner.
Jessica:

Screw the earth... we're going home!!! All that stuff about good stewardship, forget that. It's metaphorical.

 

   

Page 13 Sean:

I'll give you 5 points for a more realistic depiction of what Jesus may have looked like, but I'm taking 20 away for getting the skin color wrong.

 

Jessica:

Yeah. I mean come on! Even Old Mary knew that Jesus was brown.

 

 

 

 

 

   

Page 14 Sean:

Old Scratch, Prince of Darkness, Rii-Chan.

 

Jessica:

Who would you trust? This guido with the horns... or God who is apparently just a silhouette or is so hideous he's been cut out of the frame or something.

 

Tim:

Thanks for judging all of mankind (that didn’t even exist yet) based on the actions of one man. Before Jesus, mankind was damned because of Adam Why not spare all those souls and just neuter Adam, or just erase him and start all over again?

 

   

Page 15 Jessica:

It looks like Satan is about to screw the living hell out of planet Earth.

"Oh, yeah. Take it, Mediterranean... take it like a dirty little bitch!"

 

Sean:

Ewww.... Satan's O-Face is nasty.

 

Tim:

So you are saying our all knowing and all caring God pre-judged all of us, who didn’t even exist at the time, based on the actions of Adam, who was essentially a child?

 

   

 

 

 

Page 16 Sean:

"His beard was plucked". What are you talking about? It's still on his fa- OH! Ouch...

 

Jessica:

Still beats a bikini wax any day of the week.

 

Tim:

The next three panels of grandstanding are shameless filler.

 

   
   

Page 17 Tim:

IT’S PAYBACK TIME!” Jack seems fired up and gung ho about  God sending a bunch of  heathens (a.k.a non-whites and non Christians) to Hell. I thought there was a passage in the Bible about how the thirst for vengeance is wrong.

 

Sean:

Several in fact.

 

   
   
   

Page 18 Sean:

50 million babies? When did we do that? Are you talking about all the babies killed in history, abortion, or some major massacre of infants at some point?

 

Jessica:

Yeah, God getting pissed off about infant murder is kind of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?

 

   
   
   

Page 19 Tim:

The environmentalists never claimed to call the shots. They want to inform everyone that our resources are being depleted and that there are toxins in the air that must be eliminated. That's it.

 

Sean:

Am I the only one who thinks that the earth burning looks a little more like something else?

 

Jessica:

It would appear God has far more of the little swimmers than would ever be necessary.

 

   

Page 20 Sean:

If God has to go through every single person who died this way, I don't think we'd be done with Julius Caesar before the time the Apocalypse rolls around.

 

Jessica:

Oh, I doubt that would be a real problem seeing as how the Earth is only 6,000 years old.

 

   
   
   

Page 21 Sean:

And we have come full circle to Jack's biggest fetish: throwing heathens into flaming pits.

 

Jessica: Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap... business as usual.
   
   

Conclusion
Tim:

This tract was just a platform for Jack T. Chick’s frustration with Democrats and the Far Left. It’s just a rant and it's not his best rant.

 

Sean:

Chick's getting older, and this one really shows. We just didn't get the full insanity that some of his older stuff has. Still, we had our bad art, and hamfisted message, so it was still kinda fun.

 

   
 

 


comments powered by Disqus

 
Last Modified: December 22, 2013